A beautiful suffering...

- A beautiful suffering

Full of frustration I took a long shower

My worries rinsed down the drain

Every word that my mind told me

disappeared


Like rain

Rain filled with autumn leaves

My worries were so beautiful...


There was a storm brewing outside and some of it's soul crept through my shower window

I could smell the cigarettes and smoke from my neighbor below


I want to dance

I want to cry

I want to hold you

I want to fuck


Those were the last loud words that left my lonely mind...

We are the same my love

You should be here in my arms...

After all the rage was gone

No...

No, was what surfaced

It was making love

Those were the words I was looking for


There is a saying

That if you let go of something you love

And it returns

It is truly yours


So I grabbed your bracelet just to tease you and gave it back to you


Dying


It felt like dying

A tear flowed slowly down my cheek but it might as well have been a river

A river...

So I swam up that river just because I was curious where my body would end up

Chambers in my heart filled with photographs of your beautiful face permanently attached to the wrinkled structure of the battered and bruised walls

Tore it all down because I could not cope anymore

But tripped and fell and noticed a broken frame that ended up on the ground


Your eyes stood out to me

Those god damn beautiful eyes of yours

I could drown in them forever


Giving up is something that is not normal for me but I was tired


Legs...


Arms...

Even my toes and fingers couldn’t make the right movements anymore


Drowning


My lifeless body was swept away by the strength of the current and drifted


It drifted miles and miles and miles...


Until my dead body ended up somewhere lost at sea


Nowhere to be found


The oceans were humongous anyway...



I woke up this morning

With a sense that there were still a thousand miles between us


A kiss on your lips when I opened up my eyes is what I longed for


Dying


It felt like dying every aching minute we are still apart

I took a long shower

In the hope to rinse my worries down the drain

The bitterness of my morning coffee as well as the bitterness of my heart made me go for a walk


Only to find you there

Slowly you and I moved closer to each other

We have done this before


We are the same my love...

I cannot let you go


You asked me if I was real

How could I be real...


So I grabbed your bracelet just to tease you and gave it back to you


And kissed you until you smiled...