Analog Photography

I am ready to photograph humans again...

For a long time I wasn’t interested in photographing humans. I don’t know why that was… I pondered and pondered, wondered and wondered, until I could make sense of it.

I so far have yet to find an answer.

But in a way aren’t all photographs you take portraits? Portraits of nature, the elements, portraits of feelings. I have to admit, it made things infinitely harder. Somehow I have an tendency for that. I also don’t consider myself as a landscape photographer, or solely a portrait photographer. Just a photographer. Nothing more, nothing less.

One day I will maybe go more in depth about the last personal project I finished “I started writing you this letter in autumn…” Maybe if I will ever give a talk or something. But for now it is time for new beginnings.

A new personal project which I am pretty excited about to work on. And alongside my interpretation of portrait and fashion photography.

To get things moving again, mainly in my overly strangely working brain. I did my first session with a dear friend of mine, Kirsten. It is always a pleasure to have her in front of my camera. No pressure, just fun. It is definitely good to see that we both have grown a lot. Same goes for the camera as well, since my little 35mm Nikon which I started out photographing with eventually became by now a 4x5 large format camera.

We shots some other frames too. But as soon as we progressed during the session I realized I wanted to create a diptych. I prefer to see these two photographs together. But realized that they work individually as well.

For now… I am ready to photograph humans again. That it may become a fruitful time.

~ Cristian

New series: "The lost art of having a deep conversation... "

Exciting…

It is always scary to show new work. Especially when it is different than usual. Scary but in a good way and exciting. That’s the case with this series as well…

“The lost of of having a deep conversation…” started in Morocco. I was having a well deserved holiday which in it’s original incarnation would only consist out of eating a copious amount of delicious food as well as waking up with a view over the old city of Marrakesh, in the company of a good cup of coffee.

Well I go that. And more… I like taking photographs and wiring so much that I do it in my free time as well. Same goes for print making. And during one of the morning I just started shoot… Simple things. Incredible inspiring though. Things don’t always have to be over complicated. Sometimes things are just what they are. And this situation, just incredibly beautiful, is what came to mind. And it is hard not to see why Morocco has not inspired many many many artist.

I didn’t even bring fresh film. Just old expired film that at one point in time was gifted to me and was kept safe in the fridge. Also not even the same types and brands, and took only a couple of rolls. It is what it is and these are the things I have to work with.

It just flowed. And I like it when things just flow. :)

Morocco has a big photographic history, and I can advice anyone who visits the country to dive into this. There is a reason why you see gorgeous photographs in plenty of places around the country. Just be aware and look around you with a open mind. They are everywhere.

I do also recommend going to the House of Photography located in Marrakesh. Besides the gorgeous, and I do mean gorgeous photographs you will see there, you will learn a thing or two about Morocco and their history and photography. Current and classical.

I was looking for a way to print them differently so I experimented with a multitude of alternative processes before I eventually came back to, you can guess it, Gelatin Silver again… I just really love that process that much. Nothing wrong with all the others. But this is just me. I do see the advantages of the others though through the capabilities of artistic freedom they have. If you study the Japanese masters and how they embrace their paper and Platinum Palladium process that is awes inspiring. So I started working with liquid Gelatin Silver as a middle ground. The rich tonalities of silver, yet the freedom of alt.

Somehow I stumbled upon Sandararc varnish which is actually made from a tree from Morocco to finish it. It gives the prints a bit more of a depth and increases the dynamic range a bit. The blacks pop way more, and has a certain 3 dimensional feel to it which does not come across on a computer screen. But to be fair, I am a firm believer in experiencing things for real anyway.

The entire series took about 3 months. From the developing of the film part to the last print.

This, in a way is just a technical explanations though. Which does not matter at all…

I would like to see that everyone who takes their valuable time who has a look at it. Hopefully during an exhibition one day, or on their computer. To experience it the same way as I do. So please don’t look at it on your phone.

It is a poem. Nothing more, nothing less…

The words go along with the photographs and are intertwined. You cannot have one without the other. What it is about, it on the viewer and reader to decide that. And in a way it can be anything if you approach it like that.

That is the beauty of art, no?

It is nothing more than just the result of a hopeless romantic which shares a connection with his cup of coffee, the morning sun, and a cat.

~ Cristian

You can find the new series on the project page or just use the navigation bar.

The Hand Magazine issue 43

Happy to see my work in The Hand Magazine Issue 43. Not only that, but I have the cover as well! The back cover nonetheless. But a cover is a cover. I’ll take it, and I am proud of it. And it definitely makes me happy.

The Hand Magazine is a magazine the focuses on print based art. Very interesting to see all of the processes of all the artists as well.

After the news broke I have gotten so many sweet messages that the Swan is their favourite photograph. And that definitely made my day.

Thanks for The Hand Magazine for having me. And thanks everyone for the messages.

~Cristian

Salt prints on unconventional paper and other news

The weather in the Netherlands was shitty. It was dark, grey, boring and without any life. Got hit by the flu for the first time since yeaaaarrrs. And while I was hiding under my blankets I had the idea to print on unconventional paper. Just to mix things up. So as soon as I got better I was looking for the best way to do it. Gelatin Silver I want to use for my “regular” prints. So I ended up with choosing between Cyanotype, Salt process, or Platinum / Palladium. Eventually I opted for the Salt process. This since I could tone this with gold to make it more archival. Cyanotype are cool but not for now. And Platinum / Palladium is more for like the really really really special prints.

For the ones who don’t know Salt Printing is. Salt Printing is when you combine salt with Silver Nitrate and that creates a light sensitive surface. It was invented by Henry Fox Talbot and was the main process before Gelatin Silver. So it is super cool and super old. About 200 years…

The paper I used was stationary from Italy and an empty page of a super old book I got from the thrift store.

Another empty page I had left I put in my old DDR era typewriter and got a small excerpt from one of my poems.

In other news: I am also a contributor to the latest edition of The Hand Magazine. It is a magazine that focusses specifically on print makers from all different kinds of disciplines. So that is really cool. I always love to see other works of art besides photography. Check out the latest edition at their website.

Also when I was in Morocco last October I couldn’t help myself to shoot some work instead of just stuffing my face with food. So I created a small series which has a working title for now “Secret Conversations” and consists of twelve photographs and will be printed in a super special way. But like everything I do, it takes time. I do everything by hand so bear with me. More on that later.

Salt on stationary toned with gold.

Salt on purposed old book page toned with gold.

Excerpt from one if my poem on my DDR era typewriter.

A lumen print and a poem...

As I lie in my bed, my heart and mind are fighting an endless battle with my soul. I find solace in listening to a song that I suddenly started humming in the shower.

It’s hard not to get lost in a maze of words friends say, but are of those only lovers speak. Until you see a shooting star and all I could wish for was you.

Your laughter and pain is tugging at me. My end of the thread feels full of tension. And when you cry, I cry. It’s a comforting thought that your cookies are safe, and I hid the ones that belong to all the meanies.

In this moment of sleep I will transcend distance and time and we will tell mesmerising stories from when we were young. Or hundreds and hundreds of years ago. Whichever comes first… Dreams that act like a road full of autumn leaves that only we can walk.

The morning starts with a cup of coffee that will be drank in the company of birds. A pigeon says hello while my last sip reminds me of the footprints you left in my soul. I will pick you some flowers when I see you again. I hope you think they are beautiful.

Istanbul - Me, my camera, and sometimes a pen...

only me
my camera
and sometimes a pen

time flies by too fast
and I am too slow...

will I ever have enough time?
I do my best...

it doesn't matter what I say
or do
I have no control

tijd om lost te laten
or hold on
it feels like sand

I called home
niemand thuis

sometimes it seems
that the people in the street
can read my mind

they look
they stare
they are like sculptures of what my heart feels

I sometimes say I never believed
but somehow
yet
from the beginning
I always did

I'm tired
Someone else falls asleep
another phone
should I pick up?

I see a tree
the sky turns bright
daglicht

a flock of birds
I wish they were
something else
time to go home...

Goodbye 2022...

08:00

… is the moment in time where I look outside the window, and ask the sun: Is it time for you to wake up as well?

Only sporadically he answers…

It is strange though. I sometimes feel like the sun, but the more I think about it. 2022 made me feel more and more like that big fuzzy ball in the sky. But only the sun in winter times. Just like now… Not knowing clearly if I am ready to show my face yet.

My balcony window is steamed up… A beam of light was coming through. The light deflects a bit and scatters all over my living room because of that…

It is beautiful.

There is a saying that the sun loves the moon so much, that he dies every night to let her breathe. It makes me think... Is the moon sometimes sad about that? Does she miss him? And does the sun sometimes get cold at night?

After breakfast and morning coffee I pack my gear and prepare to go out and shoot.

I felt lonely and depressed that day… Yet I go out. Back to work, back to the grind… The places I go, the people I meet. All seems connected, it makes me happy. At least outside of the city… Each moment I am done and I finish up my day and go back to the areas where normal life happens the loneliness returns… I see a lot of people. Afraid, and always in a rush… That what strikes me always more when I come back to the Netherlands from a trip sometimes close by… And sometimes far away…

It makes me think of “The Crunch“ by Bukowski…

“there is a loneliness in this world so great

that you can see it in the slow movement of

the hands of a clock

people so tired

mutilated

either by love or no love.

people just are not good to each other

one on one.

the rich are not good to the rich

the poor are not good to the poor.

we are afraid.”

I may be thinking about Bukowski but it is conflicted by my own longing. I am more of a Johnny Cash person anyway, and his description of paradise.

Something was gnawing on me though… If you read about the photography masters, they sometimes mention that photography is a mirror. What is really inside is what comes out. And they way you view the world is a part of who you are.

I explicitly say part and not just who. Since so many things in life are so more nuanced then meets the eye. And a lot of humans are just not really one thing.

Maybe they were right. Maybe that is the reason why my photographs are always filled with melancholia. Maybe it comes from scars in my heart from they pain I carried inside for a long time... Or that I never had a “Merry“ Christmas. And the times they were Merry they were based on a lie. Maybe it is because of a society that wants me to be normal “because being normal is crazy enough” and I just want to be full of emotion and not being afraid to express myself. Or when I was a little boy my piggy bank was suddenly empty and a month later it was full again. Only to discover on a later age that was because otherwise we wouldn’t have anything to eat.

Maybe it is just me…

My day continues…

I have a coffee. I make my food…

My phone buzzes…

I could have swore it was from someone I deeply care about since everyone I regularly speak to have their own sound.

Nothing… No message at all…

I must have gone crazy…

The news is real and I read it… I scroll through social media… I see stories passing by about Iran and Yemen. An energy crisis. A kitty was also saved from a tree.

It makes me think that despite I travelled so much and learned so much. I actually know nothing. I will never know how it is to flee from your home country or how it makes you feel when there is a revolution is going on. But know that every time you tell me about it I will have a tear in my eye.

Out for groceries… Next to the super market Christmas trees are being sold. Yet it reminds me of a story of someone told me that she couldn’t take a bath because with current energy prices the costs are just too high. Do I get a tree for myself this year? My decision ends up in a “no“ and get a big ball of dough we eat at the end of the year, baked in oil, named a “oliebol”, instead.

I punish myself by working out a little bit longer…

I cycle home…

Go to bed, and when and I wake up the next morning all the autumn leaves in my head are making way for blankets of snow that cover my ever lasting thoughts and turn into a beautiful winter landscape…

Frozen… For now… Until the sun shines bright again and it is time to show what is underneath. My head could have been a snow globe.

It makes me think about love. What is love, actually? And why are we so afraid of it? I know what it is for me. Love is freedom. Love is support and letting each other grow. Love is not possessive. Whatever kind of love you are seeking for in life, love is about being whole again. I know that, and believe in that with my heart and soul. Maybe that is why it is so scary? To get what we really want in life…?

My breakfast consists of my favourite coffee and my favourite crackers. I take a bite, my phone buzzes. This time it was real…

The text made me smile.

Time to go… Time to head out… Time for the grind… To work on that photographic dream. To express myself.

It was a beautiful foggy day in the Netherlands and the fog fell over the landscape like a magical cloud with treasure hidden inside it.

It was a good day. Cold, but good.

When I got home I started writing as well… This piece…

It makes me think about that I want to write a poem… I grabbed my typewriter and set it up on my living room table… A paper is inserted in the machine… I love this paper… Grain and structure are present all over. It is perfectly imperfect… Just like me. Just like you…

I write down the words…

“i am the story of a human being
I am the wound of time
I am falling rain…”

I pause… Is it done…?

Yes…

It is done…

Happy new year and a amazing 2023…

And isn’t art beautiful?

~ Cristian

P.S. Thank you every one that made my year amazing again. You are always in my thoughts and in my heart. You know who you are. You are the ones I feel safe with. My friends and my dearest. <3

Thank you Anna-Patricia for finding me. It is beautiful to have an amazing and super sweet gallery director in your life.

Thank you Fotovakhuis for supporting me and being my second home.

And thank you everyone that always follows my adventures. 2022 was amazing. But I promise you… There are plenty of more adventures to come. And I will hopefully will finish the project I am working on soon. Good things just take time… Just keep checking in on me… And I will do the same with you.

With all my love…

Thank you…

Me working snapped by other Chris.

Signing session at the ºCLAIRbyKahn booth at Paris Photo 2022.

Expired Agfa Record Rapid paper from somewhere late 80’s begin 90’s. I started with a proof of concept a month a go and wanted to make everything perfect before I started printing for real. It is the only box I had and this paper is not being made anymore. Expired paper is not only difficult to work with both also there are tonal shifts that can be aesthetically pleasing. I wanted to finish this idea this year. It may not be a conventional way of silver gelatin printing, but projects like this help make me become a better printer in general and it also helps me thing outside of the box.

Size 72cm x 53,4 cm. Edition of 1.

Happy New Year from my little place of magic…

A colour blinds man attempt to colour photography...

A colour blinds man attempt to colour photography...

Last weekend we had beautiful winter landscapes in the Netherlands. And for me, as a colour blind dude, it even looked gorgeous.

I met up with other Chris and he had the idea to rise extra early and go deep into one of our nature reserves close by where we live.

Before I left I noticed a 120 roll of colour film lying around and decided to take it. The roll I bought actually for a totally different purpose. But more on that later…

My eyes can’t see colour. Well at least not properly. It is not that I see black and white, but I have no idea what I am looking at when I go out in the world. It is one big enigma to me… Every test that I do says that I have a different kind of colour blindness. So let’s just say it is just weird. Despite that, my favourite colour is red. I think…

So this is the result of my playing with colour on a early morning.

See it as a Christmas present for people who are curious what happens.

P.S. Before you comment on this post with remarks like: “You should shoot colour more often“, or anything similar… I appreciate it if you don’t. Those kind of remarks make me highly uncomfortable. Photography for me is about expressing myself, and how harsh it sounds I don’t press the shutter button and print for someone else. I do it because I love it and for me. That I have an audience is a wonderful bonus. :)

Even if I could see colour I believe that colour is highly overrated if you don’t know what you are doing and achieving with certain palettes.

From a functional standpoint. Colour correcting or matching socks is not something that I will ever achieve in life. :)

Colour has a very limited place in my life, and I just look at the world differently than most people. And yes, sometimes a tear is shed that I never ever will be able to do certain things in life or see certain things.

Paris Photo 2022

I’ve been making this magical box and prints by hand for a special occasion that will be happening in Paris from the 10th of November until the 13th. Paris Photo 2022.

I will be there with the Clairbykahn gallery and you can find us at boot E15 together with (and the work of) Chien Chi Chang, Pascal Bastien, Philippe Halsman, Sigalit Landau and of course David “Chim” Seymour. Including the famous “Jump” photograph by Philipe Halsman.

Come say hi if you are around. I will be at the booth on the 12th from 16:00 to 18:00.

Experiment in oak toning

Experiment in oak toning.

I was looking to see if I could find a way to make prints more personal. So what I did was I collected oak bark and made a toner out of that.

I added the toner to my regular process which I do with selenium and it actually came out pretty well.

The goal was to make prints of photographs that you can easily put in a book or a journal or a book, and you discover as little treasures when you open it. The feeling it should give you when you discover them is nostalgia and give you a little smirk on your face. Similar to the smirk you get if you receive a hand written note of a loved one.

I wanted it to be with done with materials you can find around the area here in Haarlem and where certain photographs are taken to tie things in the concept together.

This does not mean all photographs will be done like this. Only when it is called for. But if you see the print for real it really does look pretty. :)

In a parallel universe... - A mini photo essay of a journey in Morocco while I should have been in Iraq.

In a parallel universe…

I wouldn’t be talking to the sea in Casablanca

I love talking to the sea

Maybe it is because the sea is connected to the heart of the moon

And everytime we speak

she lets me hear her thunder and her storms

the embrace of her waves

sometimes with delicacy

and sometimes with all her passion

and all of her rumbles

But when she is sad

I always tell her

That someone gifted me once a box full of darkness

but in the end that darkness will make you shine bright

brighter than a dance

under a thousand stars

I love talking to the sea so much…

And I would trade every

single

day

to say to her…

that my favourite season is autumn as well

despite

I sometimes

feel like a fading burning sun

In a parallel universe…

I wouldn’t be walking in tiny streets

With walls that stretch far into the sky

like concrete trees

and magic doors

Magic doors

so special

that if you walk through them

you will end up

End up in a place

Where your heart gets hugged

and where a song starts playing

for only those who listen with their soul

can hear

In a parallel universe…

You would not have set me down on that stool…

asking me to tell me about my day

and just to make sure

I was perfectly fine

I would have left if it wasn't for you

you know…

one of your poems was about rain

Maybe that's why I stayed

I would have left if it wasn't for you

you know…

I am sure

it was because

I recognized your rain as well…

because it looked so much like my own

And told you

self-love should be the very first romance…

In a parallel universe…

I wouldn’t have had a dream about a proud old man and a horse

Out of nothing

I heard a voice which sounded like thunder

it was a dark horse

and his name that sat on him

was life

I rode with him

until his legs were tired

but was ready to rest with a giant smile

you will be fine, my friend

he said

despite sometimes

it just takes a while…

Story behind the mini photo essay…

The initial plan for end of spring was to visit my friend in Iran. But because they had their own plans to travel, I opted to go and visit my friends in Iraq. And while I was there also create a photo essay as well. Specifically the autonomous region of Kurdistan.

When I was ready to board the plane and waiting in front of the gate with a bag full of film, and presents. There was just simply no airplane to take me to Iraq.

The solution of the airline was to stuff me into a hotel in Istanbul to wait for the next available flight. But the airport personnel here figured out that all of the upcoming flights where grossly overbooked as well, so that would be being stuck in Istanbul for way too long. And while Istanbul is an amazing city, it still would have meant I would lose valuable time in Iraq itself. And you don’t go to Iraq for a lightning quick visit if you have the chance. You want to enjoy the country to it’s fullest.

So I opted to get my money back. And as soon as I got my money back I checked for the other airline that would fly to Erbil. But that website was down…

Eventually I picked Morocco instead and gave myself a a forced holiday which I haven’t had in years! I mean I travel regularly and it is always fun. But it is always with a purpose. I am just very bad at sitting on my ass…

People who know me personally can vouch for that.

The only flight that was available which fitted in my schedule was one to Casablanca. The idea was when I got to Casablanca to take a bus to Essaouira and just chill…

But fate decided to rock my world again and gave me food poisoning right before a six hour bus ride… And if you have ever had food poisoning in your life, you would know that the only place where you feel safe is the shower… A bus is the last place where you want to be… Especially for six hours…

Of all the chances a nurse came sitting next to me, and the wonderful conversations I had with her made me feel good enough to arrive in a proper manner. Thank you Imane. :)

Eventually…

Eventually in Essaouira I couldn’t resist to do nothing at all despite I needed more than a couple of days to recover fully. But in the end I just love photography so much… It is my way to make sense of things… So I did what I could with the severe limited amount of time I had.

The other bonus was that I met some amazing people over there. People that really touched my heart in ways that I couldn’t imagine.

But that is the downside of travel…

The biggest upside of traveling is like reading a thousand books… But saying goodbye always feels like breaking your heart.

For the tech geeks…

I shot a combination of film and digital. I just grabbed the camera I was in the mood for and didn’t want to think about things too much. Also it is no secret that I use everything that a Carl Zeiss can be attached to. In the end it doesn’t matter though. A good photo is a good photo… And they still need to be printed. So from some I will create negatives and create silver gelatin prints anyway.

Photography is all about the printing…

There were of course more images taken. But those will be shared on a later moment.

Ending words…

In the future I will go back to Morocco again. And when fate allows me I will still have to plan to go to Iraq. Can’t wait to see my friends.

All will be fine in the end… And if it isn’t fine… It isn’t the end…

Thank you Halima Haloumi Goldfish, Marcus, Imane, Jakob, Marwane, Pierre, David. And all the others amazing human beings I ran into in that short of a time. Without all of you beautiful souls I definitely wouldn’t have had such a wonderful time.. You will forever be in my heart.

That is a promise…

~ Cristian

Seen by CLAIRbyKahn

Hey everyone,

Sometimes in your life something amazing happens. And let this be one of those amazing things...

I can happily announce that I have become part of Seen by Kahn by CLAIRbyKahn.

If you know the CLAIRbyKahn gallery you know how excited I got when I received an e-mail one morning from the director while I was just finishing up one of my morning workouts. I just had to do a little dance in the living room and texted my closest friends immediately.

When I first started out with photography I was daydreaming about the photographs of Eikoh Hosoe, Lartigue, and Klavdij Sluban. And all of a sudden someone who actually works with them contacts you. Not only that: That also understands the magic of printing!

Thank you so much for finding me Anna-Patricia, and wanting to guide and coach me. You have no idea how happy I am about this. :)

And thank you Eelco en Thana and Chris for always being there for me and putting up with me when I am bitching and moaning that feel nothing is working out at all. You the best. Dennis as well of course.

People who give you a chance or are just there for you are a gem and they should be cherished.

I will have a celebration beer this weekend. :)