Rise above…
Henry Rollins was and is punk rock icon. When he was young he was build like a brick. Loud, and would make you question your own thoughts. Loud and fearless. Exactly what the youth needed in the 70’s/80’s.
After every hard and loud show of his punk band Black Flag he would wait outside and was open to a debate to anyone that didn’t agree with his views or lyrics.
That was a welcoming difference instead of the regular fighting and stabbings that would happen on regular occasions. Or the, back than, metal scene. Not all of the debates ended up in hugging and kissing though…
If I am correct he even got close to the end of his life actually a couple of times.
The band became one of the most important bands in modern punk history. And for me personally I listened to Black Flag a lot. Besides my metal music of course.
I will include a photograph in the bottom of the story of me with my own band.
On a later age Henry Rollins started a new band named the Henry Rollins band, started doing stand-up comedy and spoken word (which is also very good go check it out.). And became a not just a punk icon but also a icon by itself. His raw emotions from his lyrics were tuned so he could transform into grown man with a encyclopedia of life experience and the tooling to get his deep thoughts out. Still with a bit of rawness left.
Punk in the shape of a gentle man.
I put a space between those words with a reason…
I lost track of him for a short while…
Life happened. Discovered new music and bands. Learned to appreciate classical music. And by a twist of fate I ran into a episode of Dürch die nacht mit… (During the night with…).
It is a show where they following two persons for the entire night. Sort of like a date. Only different.
You can see the episode here on Vimeo.
This episode was not only with him but also with Iranian artist, Shirin Neshat.
This specific episode embodied for me the ultimate love story. Two artist from other sides of the world. One outspoken and the other introvert. One raw, and the other delicate. A dance between love and fate waiting to finally find balance. Two parts of a soul to frightened to dare if they can become one.
Every part of the story resonated with me. He told about old love and how she died. Love that didn’t work. She told him about love and pain of hers.
He needs to be a little less stubborn though.
At least that is how the episode was in my mind. Beautiful. But probably to good to be true.
The end of the episode came and as far as I know they never ended up together. That is a shame, but that sometimes how life goes… And love stories don’t always end well…
And was it even a love story?
Or was it even real it all?
Maybe that love story and the energy between those two was just a figment of my imagination….
Intangible love.
A man and woman that were so attracted to each other. But couldn’t have each other…
But what is real?
Are you real?
Am I real?
Is reality real?
It is and was a long introduction to the rest of my story. But I don’t believe in short. I am way too much of a drama queen for that. But who says I cannot create a new reality for myself…
The question of what is real and do we even need real I will answer for myself in the project about my father. First couple of months were mostly finding my groove… What medium I wanted to use as in the film type and developer. And a lot of sketching and trying.
Just shooting is what I need to do and finally you will strike something that seems fitting and you write on like that.
If you are familiar with creating music it is the same as just riffing or playing progressions and chords until you find the voice that you need to tell the story.
Sometimes it takes a long times. Sometimes it goes quickly. But the moment you find it, it becomes magical and you know how to go on. That part happened though.
The beauty is. This project also feels like releasing the shackles that I gave myself focusing on documentary work.
Suddenly there were no rules anymore. And all the things that were in my imagination was allowed to be done. Exploration of life. Death. The universe. Metaphors.
Smoke and mirrors. And even text and a portal I could disappear into towards another world.
My world.
The world of that flying snowman I sometimes talk about. Only more dark, gritty, and emotional.
Reflective but not afraid.
Something she mentioned…
Shirin mentioned in that specific episode “you need a closing of the past to move forward”. And that is what I tend to achieve.
Sometimes I will hear no. Or find some truths that hurt. Or it brings out old emotions. In my photographers notebook I write besides my darkroom times for my prints also some poetry. Some will make it in the project. Some are just for my eyes only. But also while writing those it can be very confronting especially when they are about feelings that I have to admit to myself like a mirror but in words… Things I have missed in my childhood for example.
Other notes are just imaginary stories about adventures we are having. Like the project is intended.
So a closing of the past will be done.
But that is good. It is all done from love and that is what you need to heal. But also to able to make something last. But I have written about that already so many times…
A fistful of fifties and a day without fear…
One of the many things that I have learned traveling to a lot of places in the world is that in the end we all long for the same things. And that it doesn’t matter where you come from.
We all long for hope, love, no pain. To have a good life. We all feel hurt sometimes and angry. And filled with joy. But sadness is a big part of it too.
To have the resources to take care of ourselves and our loved ones. Henry Rollins would say “A fistful of fifties and a day without fear!“ We are all the same human.
This weekend I also had a long talk with my grandmother. She wanted to be a participant in my project. And it would be a great moment to take a portrait of her. And when we were talking she confirmed to me all the things I have just mentioned.
Also I asked her what was the happiest day of her life. And she told me it was the day she got married. So she wanted to be in the photograph with Henk, her late husband.
The photograph you can see on my Ko-fi page.
It is not in it’s final form. And the master print still needs to be made. But hey, sharing something every once in a while can’t hurt.
In the end when the whole project is done I hope to have translated everything into visuals and words. And somehow be able to contribute my part in society and maybe help to translate to each other that we don’t differ indeed that much. That I believe is something that is needed in our current climate. More and more polarization is what you see everywhere. That is not good…
To bring this story to an end….
Ironically I have stopped listening to Black Flag for today. It is past 22:00 and I am getting sleepy… So the crushing vocals are now replaced by Edith Piaf.
No worries Henry. I will be listening to you again later this week again.
Have a good night all…
~ Cristian
P.S. I you like my work and my stories but the regular ways are not right at this moment for you. You can always support me though my Ko-fi page.
And below you will find Cris and the first iteration of his band when he was young.
