A fistful of fifties and a day without fear...
Rise above…
Henry Rollins was and is punk rock icon. When he was young he was build like a brick. Loud, and would make you question your own thoughts. Loud and fearless. Exactly what the youth needed in the 70’s/80’s.
After every hard and loud show of his punk band Black Flag he would wait outside and was open to a debate to anyone that didn’t agree with his views or lyrics.
That was a welcoming difference instead of the regular fighting and stabbings that would happen on regular occasions. Or the, back than, metal scene. Not all of the debates ended up in hugging and kissing though…
If I am correct he even got close to the end of his life actually a couple of times.
The band became one of the most important bands in modern punk history. And for me personally I listened to Black Flag a lot. Besides my metal music of course.
I will include a photograph in the bottom of the story of me with my own band.
On a later age Henry Rollins started a new band named the Henry Rollins band, started doing stand-up comedy and spoken word (which is also very good go check it out.). And became a not just a punk icon but also a icon by itself. His raw emotions from his lyrics were tuned so he could transform into grown man with a encyclopedia of life experience and the tooling to get his deep thoughts out. Still with a bit of rawness left.
Punk in the shape of a gentle man.
I put a space between those words with a reason…
I lost track of him for a short while…
Life happened. Discovered new music and bands. Learned to appreciate classical music. And by a twist of fate I ran into a episode of Dürch die nacht mit… (During the night with…).
It is a show where they following two persons for the entire night. Sort of like a date. Only different.
You can see the episode here on Vimeo.
This episode was not only with him but also with Iranian artist, Shirin Neshat.
This specific episode embodied for me the ultimate love story. Two artist from other sides of the world. One outspoken and the other introvert. One raw, and the other delicate. A dance between love and fate waiting to finally find balance. Two parts of a soul to frightened to dare if they can become one.
Every part of the story resonated with me. He told about old love and how she died. Love that didn’t work. She told him about love and pain of hers.
He needs to be a little less stubborn though.
At least that is how the episode was in my mind. Beautiful. But probably to good to be true.
The end of the episode came and as far as I know they never ended up together. That is a shame, but that sometimes how life goes… And love stories don’t always end well…
And was it even a love story?
Or was it even real it all?
Maybe that love story and the energy between those two was just a figment of my imagination….
Intangible love.
A man and woman that were so attracted to each other. But couldn’t have each other…
But what is real?
Are you real?
Am I real?
Is reality real?
It is and was a long introduction to the rest of my story. But I don’t believe in short. I am way too much of a drama queen for that. But who says I cannot create a new reality for myself…
The question of what is real and do we even need real I will answer for myself in the project about my father. First couple of months were mostly finding my groove… What medium I wanted to use as in the film type and developer. And a lot of sketching and trying.
Just shooting is what I need to do and finally you will strike something that seems fitting and you write on like that.
If you are familiar with creating music it is the same as just riffing or playing progressions and chords until you find the voice that you need to tell the story.
Sometimes it takes a long times. Sometimes it goes quickly. But the moment you find it, it becomes magical and you know how to go on. That part happened though.
The beauty is. This project also feels like releasing the shackles that I gave myself focusing on documentary work.
Suddenly there were no rules anymore. And all the things that were in my imagination was allowed to be done. Exploration of life. Death. The universe. Metaphors.
Smoke and mirrors. And even text and a portal I could disappear into towards another world.
My world.
The world of that flying snowman I sometimes talk about. Only more dark, gritty, and emotional.
Reflective but not afraid.
Something she mentioned…
Shirin mentioned in that specific episode “you need a closing of the past to move forward”. And that is what I tend to achieve.
Sometimes I will hear no. Or find some truths that hurt. Or it brings out old emotions. In my photographers notebook I write besides my darkroom times for my prints also some poetry. Some will make it in the project. Some are just for my eyes only. But also while writing those it can be very confronting especially when they are about feelings that I have to admit to myself like a mirror but in words… Things I have missed in my childhood for example.
Other notes are just imaginary stories about adventures we are having. Like the project is intended.
So a closing of the past will be done.
But that is good. It is all done from love and that is what you need to heal. But also to able to make something last. But I have written about that already so many times…
A fistful of fifties and a day without fear…
One of the many things that I have learned traveling to a lot of places in the world is that in the end we all long for the same things. And that it doesn’t matter where you come from.
We all long for hope, love, no pain. To have a good life. We all feel hurt sometimes and angry. And filled with joy. But sadness is a big part of it too.
To have the resources to take care of ourselves and our loved ones. Henry Rollins would say “A fistful of fifties and a day without fear!“ We are all the same human.
This weekend I also had a long talk with my grandmother. She wanted to be a participant in my project. And it would be a great moment to take a portrait of her. And when we were talking she confirmed to me all the things I have just mentioned.
Also I asked her what was the happiest day of her life. And she told me it was the day she got married. So she wanted to be in the photograph with Henk, her late husband.
The photograph you can see on my Ko-fi page.
It is not in it’s final form. And the master print still needs to be made. But hey, sharing something every once in a while can’t hurt.
In the end when the whole project is done I hope to have translated everything into visuals and words. And somehow be able to contribute my part in society and maybe help to translate to each other that we don’t differ indeed that much. That I believe is something that is needed in our current climate. More and more polarization is what you see everywhere. That is not good…
To bring this story to an end….
Ironically I have stopped listening to Black Flag for today. It is past 22:00 and I am getting sleepy… So the crushing vocals are now replaced by Edith Piaf.
No worries Henry. I will be listening to you again later this week again.
Have a good night all…
~ Cristian
P.S. I you like my work and my stories but the regular ways are not right at this moment for you. You can always support me though my Ko-fi page.
And below you will find Cris and the first iteration of his band when he was young.
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2025
- Jan 19, 2025 New Platinum Palladium print Jan 19, 2025
- Jan 14, 2025 Work in progress Jan 14, 2025
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2024
- Dec 31, 2024 Closing words for 2024... Dec 31, 2024
- Dec 18, 2024 New print. New work. New process. Dec 18, 2024
- Nov 18, 2024 Duncan Miller Gallery's Group Show Nov 18, 2024
- Oct 25, 2024 My swan went around 74 countries Oct 25, 2024
- Oct 2, 2024 YourDailyPhotograph Square Print Sale Oct 2, 2024
- Aug 14, 2024 Cyanotype Aug 14, 2024
- Aug 6, 2024 Experimental Gelatin Silver prints Aug 6, 2024
- Aug 2, 2024 I am ready to photograph humans again... Aug 2, 2024
- Jun 23, 2024 “When I see you again…” Jun 23, 2024
- Apr 26, 2024 I went to the forest and everyone knew your name Apr 26, 2024
- Apr 10, 2024 Last night's thunderstorm and something with rain. Apr 10, 2024
- Mar 12, 2024 New series: "The lost art of having a deep conversation... " Mar 12, 2024
- Feb 18, 2024 "Heavier than heaven..." Feb 18, 2024
- Feb 14, 2024 Happy Valentine's Day. Feb 14, 2024
- Feb 7, 2024 The Hand Magazine issue 43 Feb 7, 2024
- Jan 24, 2024 Grid of moons Jan 24, 2024
- Jan 8, 2024 Salt prints on unconventional paper and other news Jan 8, 2024
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2023
- Dec 11, 2023 Yet untitled addition to "I started writing you this letter in autumn..." Dec 11, 2023
- Dec 2, 2023 Small update on the matter of things and a print. Dec 2, 2023
- Nov 26, 2023 Self Portrait Nov 26, 2023
- Nov 4, 2023 and if something ever flows... Nov 4, 2023
- Sep 21, 2023 OD Photo Prize long list Sep 21, 2023
- Sep 20, 2023 Small print(s)... Sep 20, 2023
- Aug 24, 2023 A lumen print and a poem... Aug 24, 2023
- Jul 14, 2023 Artdoc Magazine - Project Feature "I started writing you this letter in autumn..." Jul 14, 2023
- Jul 9, 2023 15th Anniversary Screening during Les Rencontres d’Arles Nuit de L’Année Jul 9, 2023
- Jun 9, 2023 Istanbul - Me, my camera, and sometimes a pen... Jun 9, 2023
- Jun 6, 2023 Art Doc Magazine Exhibit - Eniga of Life Jun 6, 2023
- Jun 3, 2023 Istanbul. May, 2023. Jun 3, 2023
- May 5, 2023 Self portrait 05-05-2023 May 5, 2023
- Apr 7, 2023 Handcoating silver gelatin. Apr 7, 2023
- Mar 8, 2023 My grandfather was an alcoholic... Mar 8, 2023
- Feb 12, 2023 Moon... Feb 12, 2023
- Feb 8, 2023 Prints... prints... prints... Feb 8, 2023
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2022
- Dec 31, 2022 Goodbye 2022... Dec 31, 2022
- Dec 24, 2022 A colour blinds man attempt to colour photography... Dec 24, 2022
- Nov 29, 2022 The autumn leaves... Nov 29, 2022
- Nov 16, 2022 Back from Paris Photo 2022... Nov 16, 2022
- Oct 25, 2022 Paris Photo 2022 Oct 25, 2022
- Oct 23, 2022 I always feel you there in my dreams... Oct 23, 2022
- Oct 9, 2022 Still Melancholy Oct 9, 2022
- Sep 23, 2022 Experiment in oak toning Sep 23, 2022
- Aug 23, 2022 a dandelion Aug 23, 2022
- Aug 9, 2022 on a dreamy autumn night Aug 9, 2022
- Jul 29, 2022 I like broken things... Jul 29, 2022
- Jul 7, 2022 In a parallel universe... - A mini photo essay of a journey in Morocco while I should have been in Iraq. Jul 7, 2022
- Jun 1, 2022 My eyes were sore from staring too much into the sun Jun 1, 2022
- May 13, 2022 "Is the really the end, or a new beginning? A new reality..." May 13, 2022
- Apr 28, 2022 Hi my name is Cristian Apr 28, 2022
- Apr 9, 2022 There was a gust of wind... Apr 9, 2022
- Mar 18, 2022 Seen by CLAIRbyKahn Mar 18, 2022
- Mar 12, 2022 Lith printing. Mar 12, 2022
- Feb 1, 2022 I swallowed the sun... Feb 1, 2022
- Jan 30, 2022 Me at work (short) Jan 30, 2022
- Jan 3, 2022 Untitled addition to "You, me, and the trees..." Jan 3, 2022
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2021
- Dec 31, 2021 If 2021 was a secret agent... It would have been Cary Grant in Charade. Dec 31, 2021
- Dec 18, 2021 But who was listening? It was not God... Dec 18, 2021
- Dec 1, 2021 Dante 2021 Dec 1, 2021
- Nov 10, 2021 Secret Garden Nov 10, 2021
- Nov 8, 2021 They managed to hide from me for four weeks! Nov 8, 2021
- Nov 3, 2021 A couple of new photographs and putting myself out there... Nov 3, 2021
- Oct 20, 2021 Inspired... Oct 20, 2021
- Oct 7, 2021 Something has changed... Oct 7, 2021
- Sep 27, 2021 I will bring you to my lake one day... Sep 27, 2021
- Sep 12, 2021 My Egyptian secret window... Sep 12, 2021
- Aug 28, 2021 KAUNAS PHOTO festival. Aug 28, 2021
- Aug 8, 2021 Patty. - Memories of a man once there... Aug 8, 2021
- Jul 30, 2021 I didn't know if we were going for a ride or watching a sunset... Jul 30, 2021
- Jul 16, 2021 Kirsten Jul 16, 2021
- Jul 6, 2021 Dante 2021 Jul 6, 2021
- Jun 25, 2021 Winter tea in summer… Jun 25, 2021
- Jun 23, 2021 Opening Reception Mono - Kromatik Praxis Arts Center. Jun 23, 2021
- Jun 20, 2021 Happy father's day, dad. A letter to you... Jun 20, 2021
- Jun 11, 2021 Portrait of Tom de Haan Jun 11, 2021
- May 30, 2021 Opening reception at the PH21 gallery. May 30, 2021
- May 27, 2021 Photographs are not always about the photograph... May 27, 2021
- May 1, 2021 Life as a colorblind (photographer)... May 1, 2021
- Apr 2, 2021 Shorlisted for the Belfast Photo Festival... Apr 2, 2021
- Mar 31, 2021 "Embracing Stillness" Group Show at the Humble Arts Foundation, New York. Mar 31, 2021
- Mar 17, 2021 I found this old bench... Mar 17, 2021
- Mar 16, 2021 Monochrome exhibit at the Blank Wall Gallery. Mar 16, 2021
- Feb 18, 2021 Nothing... Feb 18, 2021
- Feb 8, 2021 A low light was suddenly present. Feb 8, 2021
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2020
- Dec 31, 2020 Waní-wí-ipȟá - A reflection of 2020... Dec 31, 2020
- Dec 14, 2020 It's so good to see you once again... Dec 14, 2020
- Dec 10, 2020 Exhibit at the waterfront studios Brooklyn, New York. Dec 10, 2020
- Nov 30, 2020 Hands of a poet... Nov 30, 2020
- Nov 18, 2020 What-is-love? Nov 18, 2020
- Oct 17, 2020 Dear future Cris... A birthday letter... To me... Oct 17, 2020
- Oct 6, 2020 We went to the beach once. Fed the birds... Oct 6, 2020
- Sep 28, 2020 Some days it is okay not to be okay. But the next day I want to smile all the bad stuff away... Sep 28, 2020
- Sep 14, 2020 A gateway to another dimension... Sep 14, 2020
- Aug 27, 2020 Publication in Lens Magazine. Aug 27, 2020
- Aug 25, 2020 Edge of Humanity Magazine - Souls of Iran. Aug 25, 2020
- Aug 16, 2020 A fistful of fifties and a day without fear... Aug 16, 2020
- Aug 9, 2020 Support me on Ko-fi... Aug 9, 2020
- Jul 10, 2020 Diary entry during a pandemic once forgotten... The death of my father... And a flying snowman... Jul 10, 2020
- Jun 17, 2020 Solidarity protest against anti-black violence in the US and EU. - Haarlem, the Netherlands. Jun 17, 2020
- Jun 10, 2020 New prints available. Jun 10, 2020
- Apr 19, 2020 My COVID-19 notes... And a heart that broke. Apr 19, 2020
- Apr 1, 2020 F-Stop Magazine: Issue #100 April - May 2020 — Past/Future Apr 1, 2020
- Mar 7, 2020 Article in the French magazine L'Œil de la Photographie Mar 7, 2020
- Mar 6, 2020 Article on Emulsive. - People of Myanmar: The Kayan and Kayah Mar 6, 2020
- Feb 9, 2020 Some sun and some prints... Feb 9, 2020
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2019
- Dec 3, 2019 Remembering my grandfather... Dec 3, 2019
- Nov 20, 2019 I am the richest man in the world... The story about me in Myanmar. Nov 20, 2019
- Aug 30, 2019 Featured on Emulsive Aug 30, 2019
- Aug 19, 2019 Funding upcoming photography project print sale. Aug 19, 2019
- Jul 2, 2019 Featured on the JCH website. Jul 2, 2019
- Jun 3, 2019 Coffee in the old city of Jerusalem, Sore feet, and defining your why... Jun 3, 2019
- May 27, 2019 "My 35mm time machine..." also on Phot News Canada. May 27, 2019
- May 17, 2019 Guest article for the Ilford website: "My 35mm time machine..." May 17, 2019
- Apr 16, 2019 Playing with color... Apr 16, 2019
- Mar 17, 2019 Andante - Portrait series of the soul. No 2. - Reham Mar 17, 2019
- Mar 11, 2019 Women's March 2019 Mar 11, 2019
- Feb 23, 2019 Digital vs Analog, Israel, testing stuff, and other project updates. Feb 23, 2019
- Jan 28, 2019 A quick date with Kodak Tri-X. Jan 28, 2019
- Jan 4, 2019 Learn from this mistake... My adventure with Ilford PAN F and a jetlag. Jan 4, 2019
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2018
- Dec 22, 2018 Going to Vietnam, Listening to an old lady singing Celine Dion songs, and freezing in China Dec 22, 2018
- Dec 3, 2018 Ilford HP5+ at box speed, a Nikon FM2n, and a people in yellow vests... Dec 3, 2018
- Nov 19, 2018 The small KOZP demonstration photo series... Nov 19, 2018
- Nov 3, 2018 The monkeys did it! - My days in Varanasi, India... Nov 3, 2018
- Sep 3, 2018 Make A Wish... Sep 3, 2018
- Aug 12, 2018 The one about how photography is looked upon across the world. A sour market salesman. And you and your work are important. Aug 12, 2018
- Jul 11, 2018 Introducing Andante - Portrait series of the soul. No 1. Jul 11, 2018
- Jul 4, 2018 Nothing About Us Without Us. Syrian refugees. And a human rights organization named Kompass. Jul 4, 2018
- Jun 15, 2018 Did Instagram kill photography? Jun 15, 2018
- Jun 3, 2018 The most awesome publication... A cover in Iran. Jun 3, 2018
- May 8, 2018 Five things I learned about (Life) going to Jerusalem the second time... May 8, 2018
- Apr 19, 2018 Five things I learned about (Photography) going to Jerusalem the second time... Apr 19, 2018
- Apr 5, 2018 Aida and Dheisheh refugee camp... Apr 5, 2018
- Mar 27, 2018 Snaps during national demonstration "No racism in the council." Mar 27, 2018
- Mar 19, 2018 F##k instant gratification. Mar 19, 2018
- Feb 21, 2018 Finally my Iran work in physical form! Souls of Iran as a Zine! Feb 21, 2018
- Jan 11, 2018 Art exhibition Park Hotel starting January 19th Jan 11, 2018
- Jan 4, 2018 The importance of printing your work... Jan 4, 2018
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2017
- Dec 20, 2017 Who are you shooting for? Dec 20, 2017
- Nov 13, 2017 Capturing Kick Off Alliantie Genderdiversiteit Nov 13, 2017
- Nov 1, 2017 Armando Aid Fundraiser - November 18th. Nov 1, 2017
- Oct 12, 2017 Voorlinden Empty Meet. The results! Oct 12, 2017
- Oct 7, 2017 Voorlinden empty meet! The info! Oct 7, 2017
- Aug 8, 2017 Souls of Iran... Aug 8, 2017