only me
my camera
and sometimes a pen
time flies by too fast
and I am too slow...
will I ever have enough time?
I do my best...
it doesn't matter what I say
or do
I have no control
tijd om lost te laten
or hold on
it feels like sand
I called home
niemand thuis
sometimes it seems
that the people in the street
can read my mind
they look
they stare
they are like sculptures of what my heart feels
I sometimes say I never believed
but somehow
yet
from the beginning
I always did
I'm tired
Someone else falls asleep
another phone
should I pick up?
I see a tree
the sky turns bright
daglicht
a flock of birds
I wish they were
something else
time to go home...
Kodak
Goodbye 2022...
08:00
… is the moment in time where I look outside the window, and ask the sun: Is it time for you to wake up as well?
Only sporadically he answers…
It is strange though. I sometimes feel like the sun, but the more I think about it. 2022 made me feel more and more like that big fuzzy ball in the sky. But only the sun in winter times. Just like now… Not knowing clearly if I am ready to show my face yet.
My balcony window is steamed up… A beam of light was coming through. The light deflects a bit and scatters all over my living room because of that…
It is beautiful.
There is a saying that the sun loves the moon so much, that he dies every night to let her breathe. It makes me think... Is the moon sometimes sad about that? Does she miss him? And does the sun sometimes get cold at night?
After breakfast and morning coffee I pack my gear and prepare to go out and shoot.
I felt lonely and depressed that day… Yet I go out. Back to work, back to the grind… The places I go, the people I meet. All seems connected, it makes me happy. At least outside of the city… Each moment I am done and I finish up my day and go back to the areas where normal life happens the loneliness returns… I see a lot of people. Afraid, and always in a rush… That what strikes me always more when I come back to the Netherlands from a trip sometimes close by… And sometimes far away…
It makes me think of “The Crunch“ by Bukowski…
“there is a loneliness in this world so great
that you can see it in the slow movement of
the hands of a clock
people so tired
mutilated
either by love or no love.
people just are not good to each other
one on one.
the rich are not good to the rich
the poor are not good to the poor.
we are afraid.”
I may be thinking about Bukowski but it is conflicted by my own longing. I am more of a Johnny Cash person anyway, and his description of paradise.
Something was gnawing on me though… If you read about the photography masters, they sometimes mention that photography is a mirror. What is really inside is what comes out. And they way you view the world is a part of who you are.
I explicitly say part and not just who. Since so many things in life are so more nuanced then meets the eye. And a lot of humans are just not really one thing.
Maybe they were right. Maybe that is the reason why my photographs are always filled with melancholia. Maybe it comes from scars in my heart from they pain I carried inside for a long time... Or that I never had a “Merry“ Christmas. And the times they were Merry they were based on a lie. Maybe it is because of a society that wants me to be normal “because being normal is crazy enough” and I just want to be full of emotion and not being afraid to express myself. Or when I was a little boy my piggy bank was suddenly empty and a month later it was full again. Only to discover on a later age that was because otherwise we wouldn’t have anything to eat.
Maybe it is just me…
My day continues…
I have a coffee. I make my food…
My phone buzzes…
I could have swore it was from someone I deeply care about since everyone I regularly speak to have their own sound.
Nothing… No message at all…
I must have gone crazy…
The news is real and I read it… I scroll through social media… I see stories passing by about Iran and Yemen. An energy crisis. A kitty was also saved from a tree.
It makes me think that despite I travelled so much and learned so much. I actually know nothing. I will never know how it is to flee from your home country or how it makes you feel when there is a revolution is going on. But know that every time you tell me about it I will have a tear in my eye.
Out for groceries… Next to the super market Christmas trees are being sold. Yet it reminds me of a story of someone told me that she couldn’t take a bath because with current energy prices the costs are just too high. Do I get a tree for myself this year? My decision ends up in a “no“ and get a big ball of dough we eat at the end of the year, baked in oil, named a “oliebol”, instead.
I punish myself by working out a little bit longer…
I cycle home…
Go to bed, and when and I wake up the next morning all the autumn leaves in my head are making way for blankets of snow that cover my ever lasting thoughts and turn into a beautiful winter landscape…
Frozen… For now… Until the sun shines bright again and it is time to show what is underneath. My head could have been a snow globe.
It makes me think about love. What is love, actually? And why are we so afraid of it? I know what it is for me. Love is freedom. Love is support and letting each other grow. Love is not possessive. Whatever kind of love you are seeking for in life, love is about being whole again. I know that, and believe in that with my heart and soul. Maybe that is why it is so scary? To get what we really want in life…?
My breakfast consists of my favourite coffee and my favourite crackers. I take a bite, my phone buzzes. This time it was real…
The text made me smile.
Time to go… Time to head out… Time for the grind… To work on that photographic dream. To express myself.
It was a beautiful foggy day in the Netherlands and the fog fell over the landscape like a magical cloud with treasure hidden inside it.
It was a good day. Cold, but good.
When I got home I started writing as well… This piece…
It makes me think about that I want to write a poem… I grabbed my typewriter and set it up on my living room table… A paper is inserted in the machine… I love this paper… Grain and structure are present all over. It is perfectly imperfect… Just like me. Just like you…
I write down the words…
“i am the story of a human being
I am the wound of time
I am falling rain…”
I pause… Is it done…?
Yes…
It is done…
Happy new year and a amazing 2023…
And isn’t art beautiful?
~ Cristian
P.S. Thank you every one that made my year amazing again. You are always in my thoughts and in my heart. You know who you are. You are the ones I feel safe with. My friends and my dearest. <3
Thank you Anna-Patricia for finding me. It is beautiful to have an amazing and super sweet gallery director in your life.
Thank you Fotovakhuis for supporting me and being my second home.
And thank you everyone that always follows my adventures. 2022 was amazing. But I promise you… There are plenty of more adventures to come. And I will hopefully will finish the project I am working on soon. Good things just take time… Just keep checking in on me… And I will do the same with you.
With all my love…
Thank you…
Me working snapped by other Chris.
Signing session at the ºCLAIRbyKahn booth at Paris Photo 2022.
Expired Agfa Record Rapid paper from somewhere late 80’s begin 90’s. I started with a proof of concept a month a go and wanted to make everything perfect before I started printing for real. It is the only box I had and this paper is not being made anymore. Expired paper is not only difficult to work with both also there are tonal shifts that can be aesthetically pleasing. I wanted to finish this idea this year. It may not be a conventional way of silver gelatin printing, but projects like this help make me become a better printer in general and it also helps me thing outside of the box.
Size 72cm x 53,4 cm. Edition of 1.
Happy New Year from my little place of magic…
If 2021 was a secret agent... It would have been Cary Grant in Charade.
Christmas Eve…
It is Friday night and three seconds just have passed since I took the first sip of a disgusting alcohol free beer… Why in gods name did I choose this period to go alcohol free for a while… My god, it is horrible! A good beer is priceless, and it is actually one of the things that genuinely makes me happy. Fresh developer, fresh film, and a fresh New England IPA.
Well, of course there are plenty of other things. But that would just make a really long list and creates less of an entertaining story.
Whenever a setback happens I just take my time to feel like shit for a brief moment. And as soon as that has passed and I have dusted myself off, I double down on reinventing myself. One of the perks you get I guess from having a shitty childhood. So as soon as the Netherlands was thrown into another lockdown in the blink of an eye, it was a good moment to dust myself off and make sure I would turn it into something positive.
So that means becoming better at my craft which is photography, and a workout every day. Despite I am already fit, that stupid rona is not going to get me. But the reality is: It is either abs or IPA’s. You can’t have both. And ever since I stopped competing in Olympic Weightlifting those IPA’s tasted a little bit too well…
Channeling…
Slowly taking another sip, and when I put my glass down it seemed like the perfect moment to reminisce about 2021. And one of my other goals is to channel my emotions better into art without any distractions. Reminiscing is a good catalyst to do that. And hopefully the more time progresses I will become better at it. The main goal of art is not imitating your heroes, but unapologetic personal expression.
An LP of Marie Laforêt is playing in the background and I hope I can finish the sentence before I have to turn the record to the other side. I succeeded…
Since I have had an outlet I always summed up my year and what happened to me. That too seems like a fruitful exercise. To reflect… To see what can be done better. Or what I did well… Did I follow my heart and was I true to myself?
So far so good…
2021, my most successful year so far… And also a super sad one…
The biggest mark 2021 has left on me is not the success I have had this year as a photographer. It was the loss of my little nephew whos life was lost during a car accident in October. Cremating the little fella just two days before my birthday was the most surreal thing ever. It is a scar that will be hard to heal. And for my sister, his dad, his bonus dad, and my niece every day feels like drowning while the rest of the world is breathing.
It also made me indefinitely pause the project about my dad for a while. They say projects are never finished, but just abandoned. And that is completely true… I just couldn’t anymore. Not now.
The project did bring me a lot though. It made me better… It made me learn. And even better… It gave me eleven freaking exhibits which three of them were festivals… And one of the locations was in a castle! And also a book! Which is crazy! If you would have told me that at the end of 2020 I would have never believed it.
Bluebird, if you are reading this… I could not have done this without you.
Yes I am talking to you. There is only one person in the world that I call bluebird.
You have no idea how special you are to me. I will keep saying that till the end of time and until you feel it, not just hear it.
And when I start slacking, I hear your voice with your unique accent in the back of my head like you said in one of your voice messages saying: “But you are not a lazy photographer…“ And that is the moment I continue my grind.
Plus, no one in my entire life has ever told me they are proud of me. But you did…
It is a beautiful realization how important it is to have the have the support of people you care about. In the past I always did things just by myself. Didn’t have people I could spar or reflect with. Or just vent… And most of the time I was just not understood. When I was still a weightlifter I had my coach. He maybe didn’t always understand me, but he always made a effort and did his best. And that goes for the two people who are prominently right now always supporting me without them even maybe knowing how big their impact is. Bluebird, and mister “rare dingen“.
Goals are never easy. Especially if you have big ones… I know I have to work my ass off. So yes, sometimes it feels like grinding. Taking photographs is not easy. And no one will ever come knocking on your door and say: “Hey do you want to be in my gallery?“ I approach things the same as I did with my sport. Just work and work. And eventually you get there. Just never give up. Even if you know you still have a long way to go and a lot of growing to do.
I did start two new projects though. One of them will be made as a visual poem. And the other one will be about masculinity done in a way that is not that typical. I want to break through social boundaries with that. More on that in 2022.
So if 2021 was a secret agent… It would have been Cary Grant in Charade.
Charade has become one of my favourite movies. And whenever I felt down I started watching it. Behind those muscles and that beard lies a hopeless romantic which still believes in fairy tales and magic and literally daydreams all day.
Cary Grant plays a character named Peter Joshua. Not the main character though! That is the lovely Audrey Hepburn… He is working on a case about stolen money and experienced a copious amount of setbacks. In example he got sliced by a man with a hook on his hand, shot at, did weird dance moves with a piece of fruit and the bosom of a big lady…
Even when the woman he fell in love with dropped ice cream on his suit he still managed to make everything right.
2021 felt a bit like that… It has had ice cream on it’s suit, but it still made it right. Freaking lockdowns or not I still went to Egypt. Had exhibits. Made new friends. And had fun!
Didn’t count how much rolls of film I shot this year, but it was a lot. Also made plenty of prints, so that made me happy as well.
So what will 2022 bring…
I have totally no idea… And neither do all of you… I can name some of my goals though. And one of those is to get gallery representation with a gallery that is a good match. With an emphasis on a good match.
Improve myself as a human being and a photographer.
Paris Photo.
Being a better printer.
I want to go to Iran to see my friends and travel to Kurdistan as well. And see what other place I can go too.
Write more poetry.
And attend one of those freaking opening drinks! Can I just for once go to one of my own opening drinks!!!??? It is not about the drinks itself. But every success how little or big should be celebrated. And I am tired of celebrating on my own. It is just not the same… And it is lonely…
When time progresses the list of course will change up a bit. And despite it is a short list here, no worries. My list is in reality waaaay longer.
As long as it is magical it is all good…
Another thing that I want to explore is the idea what happens to a person’s identity when the scars or pain is gone… Eventually you have to be on your own again because life will come and get you. So what happens to your identity? Who are you when you can’t rely on it anymore and use it as a crutch? Who is your true self?
It is a subject matter that made me curious.
And upside down end…
These closing words were written in the evening of December 30th… Marie Laforêt has turned into Glenn Gould playing his version of The Well-Tempered Clavier. Book 1: Prelude No. 22 in B-Flat Minor… It indeed takes that long to write something. To me it is important that every word is well thought out. I want them to have weight and meaning…
Slowly getting sleepy because from at one point in my life being a night owl, I have become an early riser. I will see and fall in love with the earth before the sun does…
Hopefully the moon will not be upset… No worries moon, it is a different kind of love… Not a lovers love. Another reason is also to make sure these words will be ready to read for you on the 31st…
So that leaves me to this.
I want to say thanks to anyone that either follows me and my adventures. Supports me in either my personal life or outside. And everyone that has ever crossed my path. It may have crossed for just a short time, or maybe even for a long while. But I have become a better man by meeting you. One way, or the other…
So happy New Year to you all…
Make it magical… And chase those dreams whatever they are…
I know I will…
~ Cristian
Some random photographs that were taken through the year…
Diary entry during a pandemic once forgotten... The death of my father... And a flying snowman...
The radio is on…
At least that what we have said years and years ago… But it is just regular old Spotify. No LP’s today.
Fairuz is playing. She is a Lebanese singer which I have just discovered this morning. What a beautiful voice she has. It reminded me of more beauty that I know, so I send it to her…
It also reminded me that I needed to write a little bit again. A sort of a update. Or a story. A glimpse of my mind. A question. A observation. Or maybe all of the above… Just look at it as a diary entry…
Unfortunately writing blog posts is not as romantic as writing a journal. And years and years after I have died my journal is the thing most likely to be found. And not my blog.
Does it matter anyway?
Everything matters…
All of it. All the little bits and pieces in between matter. I love writing. And who knows who is reading this and is interested what goes on in the mind of a artist.
I think I am not really made for creating YouTube videos. And if I would ever do that. I think it is way more important to talk about the art and philosophy of photography instead of gear. And that is all what you see nowadays. Anyways, writing seems just more fitting for me.
So here it is. More writing. Are you ready for the copious amount of text?
I sure am…
Writing sometimes takes me days though. And I don’t know how many days it will take me to finish this story. You can guess more than a few…
There once was a pandemic…
If I look outside the world almost looks like normal again but strangely it isn’t… Borders are opening up in Europe which is nice. So will it be finally time for me to take another trip? I hope so… But where will it be… I want to work more on my current projects. Or maybe even start a new one in a place where I have never gone before. Traveling I miss so much! That is no secret… The places where I want to go are outside of Europe. And they are either still in lock-down now. Or not taking any visitors.
Just be patient, Cris. It will be fine…
Although as a individual I am not afraid of the virus. There are still many things to take into account though.
But again… As I look outside…. The world seems normal again…
But it isn’t…
There is still a pandemic going on…
Do we ever learn…
The pandemic did made me realize it was finally time to start a photo essay about my father. But if you want to read more about that… You need to read just a little bit more of this story.
So in a way “I” learned. Finally a project which I really care about back-home. Finally a project back-home that I love.
And like I always say: Love is the one thing one needs to succeed. And it doesn’t matter what it is… If there is no love. It will not succeed.
But when I look around me. And when I observe as what photographers are supposed to do. Unfortunately I see a lack of love.
That sounds dark. But life is dark. Without darkness there cannot be light. But no worries. I will end with some happiness in the end… Well… Sort off…
It is the ying to the yang. Or the, as above to the, so below.
Countless and countless of humans still chose the life in between. Old patterns. Afraid to take chances. And trying to clinch on to the old.
It should have been a teachable moment….
One would think that something as humongous as a global pandemic would made as change the way we are. But saying it like a Dutch man. We hebben geen reet geleerd. (We didn’t learn shit.).
Still always in a hurry…
You can see it by the traffic lights. It is a prime example how to deal with things. Not waiting for the green. Because one thinks that he or she is so special it doesn’t apply to them.
The human ego what constructs that is also responsible for more extreme things. Because it is always looking to bend it a little bit more…
In the end it is responsible of war and famine. Injustice and racism. And even the whole cancel culture which I despise to the core, is a result of it.
Why do we keep hurting ourselves…
So is the human ego to blame for it all? I don’t know… I philosophize about it a lot. And it also seems that patterns are a big part of it.
Patterns. Nature… Nurture…
It is the reason I guess why people keep stuck in relationships that doesn’t give them happiness. Or keep doing their dead-end job. It is safe. It is everything one knows…
And change is scary…
Yes. Even for me…
And even more so. Change hurts…
A lot!
A pandemic should be the catalyst to finally make the changes we need. From a micro level in ones personal life. To a macro level for the entire globe.
There is some change going on as you can see with all the protest because of the death of George Floyd. But will it be enough? I hope so. But you also see that with every movement there are a lot of people being taken advantage of. Or being used as puppets for another agenda. But that is something that has been going on forever and noticed since I have been studying history books.
Let’s just hope it is all enough. But the main thing is one needs to discover nuance. Life I guess is a lot like Ilford Delta 400. Between black and white there are so many different shades of grey…
Life should be like a movie…
I wish everyone the happiness they deserve in their lives. Whatever that means for them. And the hopeless romantic in me, if he had a magic wand. He would give it to everyone around the globe… I would wave with my wand and say: Hope you find your soulmate. Or smoke your cigar on that yacht if that is your thing. Or ride your motorcycle. Or find that special coffee. Or supermarkets without lines. Or your cabana at the beach.
But that is not how it works…
You are responsible for your own happiness. And that takes a lot courage…
Years and years ago. Or maybe even when I was a little kid I decided for myself that my life deserves to be like a movie. I always had a overactive imagination. I love that so much in me. Is that a weird thing to say? But yes, it indeed involved finding the love of my life. Traveling the world. And telling amazing tales…
So would that be the cure for the world? Living your life like in the movies?
A horror movie would not be a good idea though haha. Just make it a nice one…
But will you promise me to take that chance?
Life is too short not to.
Don not fade away…
Cris! Will you finally tell the part about the project of your dad!
Calm down… Calm down…
It is my story… My journal… My movie…
So behind this keyboard. Or with my pen or camera. I make the rules…
A flying snowman…
So here it goes…
I had a conversation with my sister a couple of weeks back. And we came to the conclusion that we have nothing left of our father. The reason of that I will keep that to myself. But it was heartbreaking for me and my sister nonetheless.
So I had a idea when I was taking a shower. And the idea was that this story could be like a movie too! And I knew the perfect one…
Ever since I was little I was fascinated with a short movie of a flying snowman. Literally called “The Snowman“. I linked the name to the Wikipedia page. And here is a link to the clip of the song “Walking in the air“.
I think most of you who are around my age and grew up in my part of the world are familiar with this song. You may not know it by title. But I bet as soon as you hear the first words you will remember it instantly.
It is the story about a little boy who meets a snowman and goes on a amazing adventure in the night. And flies aaaaalllll over the snowy country side… Meets his snowman friends and plenty of more creatures. But when he wakes up the next morning…
His best friend in the world…. Melted…
The most toughest task ahead…
My father died when I was three years old. I do not have many memories of him. I remember his funeral and how his casket disappeared into the ground vividly. But despite not having to many memories, in my imagination he was my best friend in the world.
So I am creating the memories I have never had with him. We go on a adventure and meet also plenty of beautiful creatures.
It is going to be very conceptual so that is totally new for me. And therefore a challenge. But I am sure I will succeed because it is made out of love. Also it is going to be a very emotional project for me. But that is good. Some parts of me still need to heal. And confronting it is the only way.
And of course it couldn’t be anything else then a adventure. I mean, all of my fathers. My father and my grandfathers were all adventurers. And so am I!
It is going to take a while…
When will it be done… I don’t know… Good photographic projects take a while. And nowadays people think a project that takes three months is long… I can tell you, that is not long… Salgado or Peter Beard would not shy away from years and years of work…
In the world of instant gratification the long term photographic essay seems forgotten. But it is the only way to make a piece of art that will last for generations ahead.
So it will be done when it is done. And when that time has come I will share it with the world. Some people close to me may see sketches. But that is it.
Isn’t it exciting to see a project when it is done instead of all the updates or shots on Instagram? The surprise we be bigger that way. It makes you stare longer at a photograph. Otherwise it will be lost in the abyss in a second… Because it is not new anymore…
Art is made to be experienced in real life anyway…
And maybe…. Just maybe….
Life is to be experienced in real life anyway….
A end to a story… For now that is…
I like drama. I like dramatic movies… Or books… Or music…
The whole feeling of melancholy gives a experience of a beautiful suffering.
I will link the Fairuz songs at the bottom of the post plus one bonus. And two photographs.
But how to end…
To keep it full of drama… A while back I finished a book named “The Memory Police“ bu Yoko Ogawa. She is a amazing writer. And if you don’t like spoilers don’t read further… Because this story may sort of end the same way…
Me. Cristian Geelen… Sitting here with his laptop… Camera next to him.
Writing about love and life… A pandemic…
And slowly he disappears…
First his hands… Than his nose…
His arms and legs…
His lips and his eyes followed…
Until there is nothing left but his voice and his camera…
And even that…
Is what the wind took away…
~ Cristian
The song of Fairuz I was talking about.
This one is bonus because I think it is super beautiful too.
Mini me and my awesome doggie name Ricky. He would protect me from all the evil in the world.
Adult me with his trusty Nikon. Able to squat a horse and about to rip his pants again. Waiting until he can go on adventures…
Article on Emulsive. - People of Myanmar: The Kayan and Kayah
Hey everyone,
There is a article published about my work in Myanmar on the analog photography website, Emulsive.
Super proud and happy to see my work on there.
You can check it out here if you are interested.
Hope you all have a great weekend!
~ Cristian
Some sun and some prints...
Finally… The sun was out…
December third was the last time I have updated my blog. The whole reason for that? Work… I think it took me about to the end of December to finalize my Myanmar work. Than came all the emailing, contacting, printing, writing, and so much more! Also research for my projects this year… So much research…
Now it is February already and it feels like a second winter here in the Netherlands.
Luckily the sun was out last Friday so that meant I could shoot some street. You can find those at the end of the post. And as you can guess. It is not going to be a long one.
Two updates…
One:
I made five prints in my darkroom which are up for sale in my print store. It is one of Phaw and is printed on Ilford Multigrade RC warmtone paper with warmtone developer. Click here to go to my print store so you can order one if you like it.
It is matted, signed, and numbered, and ready to frame and hang on your wall.
Like I said, it is a run of five. And all handmade by myself in my darkroom. Old school silver gelatin hand work.
Will print more later on. But printing in a darkroom takes a lot of time and energy. It is a different and also difficult craft besides the photographing and developing itself.
The second one:
March 6th there will be article out on Emulsive. Of course when it is live everyone will be spammed. It will be one about my Myanmar project. So super excited about it.
Looking for a gallery:
Also I am looking for a gallery to exhibit my Myanmar project. So if you are reading this, and you are a curator. Don’t hesitate to contact me. I sincerely appreciate it.
Some photographs…
Like I promised. Here are the photographs from last sunny Friday. I have shot it with my regular Ilford film. Some Rollei Retro 400s I have found in my fridge. And Even a roll of Acros.
But I hate talking about gear and gear related stuff. In the end it’s the photograph what counts. Even more so… In my humble opinion. A photograph is not a photograph until it is printed.
Not on the internetz…
*click the photographs to make them bigger.
I am the richest man in the world... The story about me in Myanmar.
Cris you are the richest man in the world…
That is what she said when we ended lunch. Or at least something similar… It doesn’t matter in the end though. It is what she meant what counts.
A cold Saturday back in the Netherlands and she finally gave me the words that I needed to start writing again. I has been a while since my last decent story. But that is okay. It was a busy time.
Just returned back form Myanmar photographing one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. What a trip…
I left…
*Note: Some photographs, and people I want to thank at the bottom.*
At the beginning of October I left the Netherlands to go on my adventure. Objective of the adventure: Try to tell the story of the indigenous tribes in Myanmar and how they deal with modern times.
First a small stop in Bangkok and from Bangkok I flew to Yangon, Myanmar. Too many airports, especially because I was traveling with a ton of film. But luckily all of the customs where so nice. Especially in Asia. They noticed me standing in line with my big see through bags full of film and my film was hand checked as soon as I got through customs myself. The airport in France on the other hand… They need to work on their manners a bit… But that is story is for another time… CDG, you suck.
In Bangkok I stocked up on even some more film and I was ready to go. For the people that are interested in what cameras I brought. It was my trusty Nikon FM2n and a old Yashica Mat 124G. As a back-up I brought my Nikon D810. A digital one. But that camera has never left my bag. My mind was determent this was going to be a analog only trip. If they could do it in the old days, it could be done now. And so I did.
Arriving in Yangon…
My arrival could have gone better. As soon as I got in the taxi I started feeling sick… What could it be… I never get sick… I shared the taxi with a girl which I have met at the airport and I tried to keep myself in order. Cracked open the window to get some fresh air, but with all the rain and thunder going on it was not the smartest of ideas.
As soon as I arrived in my hostel the food poisoning which I apparently had, kicked into fifth gear. Locking myself up in the toilet was the only option. Too bad the hostel turned off the water right at that exact moment.
Fuck.
Preparing for my last leg…
After being knocked off my feet for almost two days I got outside to get some fresh air and bought some Royal D. That is some sort of electrolyte drink and I needed that. I was so dehydrated… What I didn’t need was to be in a bumpy bus later that day, but I had no choice. I had to. Loikaw was up, and I just really wanted to go there. My final destination.
Luckily I met a super cool guy in the bus. And what do you know. I ran into him on the way back too.
The country had so many similarities to all the other countries I have been… And as soon as I arrived at the bus station right outside of the city it immediately felt like I was in Iran.
The whole country for me was the perfect combination of the kindness of the people of Iran, the amazing food of Vietnam, and the energy of the streets of India…
Beautiful…
Faith and a doorway to a store full of Longyi…
There she was. Standing in the doorway of a shop that sold longyis. A super big smile on her face, and so on mine. A split second was only needed before we recognized each other.
Victoria…
One of the beautiful souls that helped me so much on my way. Without her… I think most of my project would have failed. Or at least more difficult.
Professional photographer!!! it sounded!
Aaaaaaaah Victoria! So good to finally see you for real!
We exchanged a lot of messages over WhatsApp before my arrival and how she could have be of help. I ended up at random at one of her stores. I just went for a stroll to check out the city and stretch my legs, so faith decided I would meet her immediately without even texting her.
I love faith.
Me and the Chinese motorbike…
As stubborn sometimes I can be the first day I got myself a Chinese motorbike. Victoria warned me not to take that one. But me being Dutch and wanting to save money made me decide to take that one.
My ass did not thank me for that decision…
I took the motorcycle to drive to one of the first villages. It is not allowed to stay in the villages overnight, which I think is a really good thing. So the plan was to drive every morning to at least one of them and drive back before sunset.
But as unpredictable as life is… So was the rest of my journey…
Let me tell you about Moly…
Hair braided and hanging to the side with an umbrella in hand she walked towards me and asked me: Are you Cris?
The only thing I could think was she was like a beautiful young princess that could have walked right out of a Disney movie. Young and and early in her twenties I noticed she was the only one wearing western style dress…
Yes yes… I am Cris! I answered…
You must be Moly?
Moly was my interpreter in the village. I was so happy I immediately ran into her. This because after enjoying the beautiful landscapes of Myanmar I got lost, and it started to rain like Odin cried his heart out. The poncho I brought did it’s job perfectly. Camera dry, and my body too. My feet not so much, and so weren’t my glasses.
An interpreter is needed because all of the villages of the indigenous people around the country of Myanmar have their own language.
We were standing in the middle of the road, a soccer match to the left, a garrison of armed soldiers on the right. And us discussing what my plan was for the day and maybe the days later, and was I was to expect.
She hopped on the back of my Chinese motorbike the same way an amazon warrior does and told me to drive out of the village to one further away…
And so we drove…
Mulon…
I was honored to meet and have a talk with Mulon… She was one of the grandmothers of the village. She was cooking rice and preparing food for the community so Moly and I joined her for the cooking.
But what do you talk about?
I mean I am sort of good in conversation. And I have seen a lot in my life… But if you arrive finally at the place you have been preparing for, for a long time. And also, let’s be honest, seeing an old but beautiful woman with a neck almost twice the size as mine, I mean… That made me a little bit lost for words.
But after a short while the first jokes were cracked. And in the end we talked about everything that life is about.
The beauty is. And I think one of lessons you always learn no matter where you go in the world. We have more in common than we think, and we all long for the same things in life…
We ended with a portrait session…
Evil spirits…
I said goodbye to Moly for the day and made plans to return upcoming days. Because in an instant, this place already captured my heart.
Victoria made sure I was going to other places. Thank god for Victoria. I think I almost would have lived there already. So good of her that she kicked my ass into gear. Also she got me a way better motorbike.
So one of the mornings I went to the farthest place away… It was a three hour ride over mountain roads that were not always that good anymore. So a driver was needed. To share costs I joined a Spanish blogger, Manuela. And two young vibrant Burmese women, Sandar and Marina.
I cannot describe where we ended up in but it was so amazing. I think it was way to describe all of the times I arrived at a new places.
Manuela was put into traditional clothing, and off we went to the courtyard of a house in the middle of the village.
Pot and pans everywhere. A dead pig in some burning bushes. And than it started…
There was some commotion…
A rifle shot…
Playing of drums began…
The shaman was doing his ceremony with spear and shield, walking on the beat of the drum. And on some of the drum beats, more rifle fire.
They were old rifles… So old and bent, I think if you want to go out and shoot something with it you will probably hit yourself in the foot. Or any other place other than the target.
But that is okay. For the ceremony it did exactly what it had to do…
The shaman was doing all of this to get the evil spirits away from the house. Catch them. Put them in a basket with some bamboo strips and chicken bones. And bury it outside of the village where they can do no to anyone.
At one moment more rice wine…
My stomach still wasn’t settled but I drank it anyway. I mean, you only live once… And I actually quite like it. And luckily it is without alcohol I learned later. That’s a good thing… Because a couple of days later on my birthday I drank a lot more!
Fuck, it’s my birthday…
My phone started ringing early in the morning… It was Victoria.
Happpppppppyyyy Biiirrtthhdaayyy Crrriiiissss!!!
She remembered and she was actually the first one to congratulate me. Later that day she was also responsible for one of the three times I celebrated it.
I never celebrate it like a normal Dutch person does. I like it and don’t like it at the same time. I always try to be away but with Victoria around there was no escaping it.
But I had to put some clothes on… Super excited. Because I was going back to the first village and meet up with Moly and her grandmother.
Moly’s grandmother was not alone. She brought her best friend… Phaw…
For my birthday we went to their favorite place. A rice field somewhere in the mountains. It was quite the walk, but those two grandmothers walked like the wind. 78 and 74 years old but so strong and agile.
At one point we ran into a cow herder and he asked Moly where they hid me. This because I was so big in comparison to the locals and it is not allowed to stay there overnight. I had to laugh. In the Netherlands I am just normal… At least my length. My body is still that of an Olympic Weightlifter.
Soul Sisters…
They told me some amazing stories during the walk. The one I remember most vividly is that of when they were young they both had the dream of marrying a boy from the same village so they can stay together forever. And so they did… Still together as best friends in the same village…
Well if that isn’t the most beautiful and romantic story you have ever heard I just don’t know anymore…
True soul sisters and they found a way to stay together trough all of the difficult times and conflict the country has known…
The rest of the day we spend on the porch and drank some rice wine. Moly has secretly gotten me a gift gift for my birthday. A handmade scarf she made herself. It is just a gem. But what she didn’t realize, is that spending my day with her, having lunch with her family, drinking wine was the best gift I could ever have…
Even when the little kids asked me if I was in an accident because my entire body was covered in Thanaka. I was completely sunburned by now. And it was the only thing that helped.
I had to laugh a bit.
No I am fine haha. It is just a sunburn.
Time passes on…
Like I always say… Time is the most precious commodity in the world. It can’t be stopped or bought… And you can only spend it once…
That makes the rest of the day even more special. Victoria showed up at the restaurant with the biggest birthday cake I have ever had. Literally I never had such a big one! My name was on it and even a camera. How in the name of god could she have fixed that so quickly!
Time can maybe never be stopped. But these are memories I will forever carry with me…
End of my main objective…
The rest of my remainder of my time I continued photographing as much I could find of the local villages and there was gas in my motorbike. I you have any clue how difficult that is. Normal street photography rules don’t apply if you step into a different world. Not if you want to tell their real story and to be honorable about your work at the same time. Photographs are always given…
The story is also far from over…
Villages with dragon hats, got stung by a bee in my eye, got lost again…
But at one point I had to travel back…
Back to the biggest city of the country…
Back to the former capital…
I shed a little tear when I said goodbye and off I went, back into the night bus…
But it was not all bad. Met up with Sandar again and also gave me a birthday present and took me out for dinner. My third birthday party!!!
Had some amazing conversations with Natalia which I have also met in Yangon. And also Tyler my beer guzzling Australian buddy.
Time to relax after. After all my Holiday sort of started now I was done…
So Cris, will you ever come to the “you are the richest man in the world” part?
I will no worries…
If you have made it this far you have sincerely earned it…
Thank you for that…
The story so far sounds amazing. And honestly by itself it is a once in a lifetime experience. And I could already measure my richness in just this trip. But you probably have discovered that richness for me is not in money…
One of the topics discussed during the lunch is also being proud of who you are and that it is allowed to let it be part of your story… And also that it is allowed to be proud of yourself.
If I look at my life in retrospect I have plenty to be proud of and not in an arrogant kind of way. But I have never stood still for real about that. I mean I know it, but I also know nothing more than grinding… Working hard… Because in my monkey mind that is the only way to achieve my dreams…
My dad dying…
So let me tell you a little bit about myself…
My dad dying was and is still a big reason why I do what I do. Maybe it is also my souls path. But still…
I was only three years old when it happened but thinking of it now makes me remember his funeral very vividly… His coffin, how hard I cried, and the people I sought comfort with.
After my dad died my stepfather did something so atrocious to one of my family members we had to run away in an instant and were literally without a home for a while…
Of course sleeping at your grandparents and uncle at one point is still a roof. But still it’s not a good and healthy way to grow up.
When our family has been through many court sessions and other things we finally found a place for ourselves in the worst neighborhood of the city I lived in.
Waking up from gunshots… Stepping over junkies in the morning to grab my bike to go to school… No money…
The mailman even got beat up. And my gym owner learned me how to shave.
Growing up like that with literally nothing. I was so driven to make most of my life. That of course came with a shitload of mistakes. But the drive was always there. Working, training hard, studying. All at the same time. Too bad days only contained 24 hours… I made myself a promise to escape that life if it was the last thing I did.
And so I did…
I did so many things I am proud of but these are the ones I want to mention.
I achieved something later in age in Olympic Weightlifting I thought I would never do when I picked up my first barbell when I was fifteen.
And became an successful IT engineer at one of the best companies in my country. The same company also gave me the opportunity to follow my dreams to become a photographer and work part time for them.
Even learned to play three instruments and played in an awesome metal band and did some awesome shows.
And now, traveling the world…
With my camera…
As a storyteller, meeting nothing but beautiful souls along the way…
How in gods name can I not be the richest man in the world?…
~ Cristian
Some special mentions I have to make after this story. And if I forgot you. Don’t worry. You are indeed in my heart.
Victoria. Moly. Sandar. Natalia. Sai Arkar Min Tun. William. Marina. Manuela. Stephan. Leonard. Kaitlin. Nick. Lukas. Tyler. Luiza. James. Batman. Sky… My friends back-home. Tino & Alina. Wing. Eelco.
Without you nothing of this was possible.
*Note: Some photographs below. Working on these kind of projects is hard and is not free despite it is super cool to do. And also shooting analog makes it even more expensive and difficult. I still have to work on the side you know… I know my art is not affordable for everyone but there are so many way to support me. Share my name. Share a post or article. Buy a digital print which is cheaper. The options are endless. But please do not distribute my photographs without my consent. In the end when I have developed everything and the editing process will be done it will be up as a project and some handmade, high-end fine art prints will also be available.*
Some phone snaps…
Coffee in the old city of Jerusalem, Sore feet, and defining your why...
Like I promised…
My feet are still tired… Writing this laying on my couch rolled up like a hamster ready for bed. Banging out this blog post that I have promised to you all.
But you have to forgive me. A lot has happened since I got back home. You know… Life… And all of it happened at the same time. Even squeezed in a couple of shoots and one of them was a lomography one.
But it is all for the greater good. Telling stories!
Heading straight for the coffee…
The time has come. Finally working again on my long term project “Neshama Sheli“. I was so happy yo be on the plane again.
As soon as I arrived I could not help myself my friend Issam. He has the best coffee house in the entire of country. I totally forgot it was Friday and that he is closed on Fridays. The stroopwafels I have brought him had to wait a day extra…
So that meant walking around Jerusalem until my feet hurt. That last part happened for sure since I walked 62KM in the first couple of days!
That does not seem much spread over a amount of time. But with all the hills up and down it was actually quite the walk.
Before I forget…
Since the reason why you have stumbled upon my blog probably is photography. Some of you might think it is interesting what stuff I have brought.
Well… That is easy. Not much…
Two bodies. One analog, one digital. The analog a Nikon FM2n. The digital, a Nikon D810.
I always prefer analog but sometimes digital is more practical.
Film, I bought that when I got there. The whole reason is that it is more practical and is also part of my research. The downside of that is that you have to do with what you find. I have found a lot of Kodak. That is not bad. I am a Ilford guy when it comes to Black and White. But I will never complain if Kodak Tri-X is the one that is available. And who cares in the end anyway. They both rule.
Oh, and only three lenses. Two 35mm’s. One Sigma Art for the D810. And a Nikon 35mm Nikon F1.8 ai. Also my Carl Zeiss 50mm.
This keeps it small. And even got room in my day pack for underpants and protein bars.
And in my opinion. If you can’t do it with one lens you need to be more proficient.
But enough about gear. It really is not important. It just does not need to break down and that is it. That does not mean I don’t love a beautiful camera. But getting your hours in and the reason why is way more important.
My why…
The first what I thought when I got back home was: Now I understand! Not the situation, but more the whole reason why some of my photographic heroes were working on a project for like ten years or something.
I guess that is also the whole reason why you “why” is so important. The “why“ is always important. Just to keep that perseverance to keep rocking when all your chips are down. Even Simon Sinek wrote his best selling book about that subject.
I do this because of: And fill in the blanks...
I frees my mind…
It gives my emotions a place…
I love him or her…
It gives me inner peace…
It is easy to do things when they are fun. But if you are in in for the long haul… Your “why” better be a good damn good one.
You still haven’t told me yours…
One of my favorite poets (Rumi) has a quote: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray” .
If you are following me for a while you know I do everything by gut feeling. But there is also a explainable part of this all…
Despite I am a social creature it also feels for me I am a little bit of an odd one. And fitting in is not really my thing, nor I feel I have ever did. I really don’t like stuff a lot of “normal“ people like. And I have the strangest urge to make sense out of that strange journey that is called life. If that makes any kind of sense at all…
So if I want to makes sense to any of it why not go to the region that is the origin of the three big modern religions… And so I did three years a go. It seemed like a good place to start.
Photography in the end is a search within yourself…
I never expected during the first time I went there it would become plenty of more times. Every country that I come I fall in love with. But somehow, this place…
The first time I stood in front of the western wall I even cried a little. And I am not even Jewish. I am as Dutch as I can be.
But also the Dome of the rock quiet down my ever going monkey mind. And the church of the holy sepulcher had certain calm.
So many stories… So many people… All of them with a why…
But there is more…
No worries… My passion of explaining things goes beyond Israel and the Palestinian territories. I want to see the whole world. And I have gotten quite far already.
The drive is bigger…
The world is an amazing place. And we can learn so much from each other. If we somehow get those stories across imagine where we can be! Colombia, Japan, Indonesia! It is all still on the list.
So many people to talk to… So much things to learn… And ergo, so many stories to tell…
I use photography as my medium.
So that is sort of my “why“…
Things I ran into…
It is so super interesting how being social differs from place to place all across the globe. The whole plan was to talk to as many people as possible instead of just doing random street photography. Because street photography alone just doesn’t cut it.
It is cool to do. Of course! But if you want to give your work more depth talking to people is the only way.
Well… That part is easier said than done. There are of course plenty of people. But in comparison to for example Vietnam or India, or Iran it was a bit more difficult to start a casual conversation. I had to work for it… In other countries people somehow automatically come to me. But in Jerusalem it was more like home. Other areas were more easy.
But was I satisfied when I got back home? Not not really… But like I said earlier… Now I understand why things take so long!
Not that I have not met some beautiful people. I did! If some of you will read the blog you know who you are.
The story continues…
I focused mainly around Jerusalem and Bethlehem again. This mainly because my train of thought was because of it was just after pesach (passover), Ramadan started, and memorial day was also happening. And most of the stories were hopefully developing around those places. Plus it is just a nice place to be and Jerusalem is centrally located to everywhere you want to go.
But I think next time I will roam around a bite more. Or rent a car or something.. I don’t know. That is stuff for future Cris.
Aida and Dheisheh refugee camp…
I was here last time too. And I could of course not be in the neighborhood without saying hello to my friend, Omar. He lives in the Dheisheh refugee camp and is an artist and musician.
I went though the same checkpoint as last year. The same one where I have written about last year (link here).
It has changed… A lot!
Checkpoint 300. Instead of going though a regular gate there is a building now where you have to go through. Still turnstiles. Still the cattle like exit. And still the annoying cab drivers in the end.
We chatted a lot. About life, love, girls, music… His car that he had to turn in because it was illegal. That story was a bit funny. Sorry man haha…
It is so interesting how much our lives differ and in so much aspects are so the same. For him the water truck comes once every thirty days if he is lucky… I can just open the tap. But still, we both like waffles and are afraid of spiders.
He also told me he started working out. Better have some gainz next time I am there bro!
At the graveyard…
Apparently we are not only afraid of spiders… He wanted to show a martyrs graveyard. And like the name says, it is a graveyard where the local martyrs are being buried.
We had to be quiet because there was a young woman mourning. Here brother was killed not that long ago. And every day she was there because she missed him a lot. This was one of the moments you have to put your camera away and just let someone be…
We wanted to give our tired feet some rest so we sat down on a bench, but a humongous queen bee suddenly showed up and we both yelled like little girls and ran off. That beast was enormous!
After we came to a safe distance we pretended the bee had nothing on. Like the young cool kids do…
Memorial Day…
My blog post has no structure at all this time. But hey… what can you do!
A couple of days later it was memorial day… There are quite some similarities with the memorial day we have in the Netherlands. We just have one siren and stay quiet for two minutes to remember the atrocities of the second world war, and the fallen since then. In Israel you have two sirens. Because it literally is a day. First one was the preceding evening at 20:00 and the second one at 11:00 in the morning…
The entire city and country stops what they are doing.
This was also one of my moments of getting back to reality. If you stay somewhere for a while things start to get normal.
My lasagna theory…
Earlier that week about 250+ rockets were fired from the Gaza strip, and it wasn’t on my mind already.
I dubbed this my lasagna theory. I like lasagna a lot! But if you every day it starts to get normal and it is not special anymore. You get used to it…
From my own country I am used to stop the car or motorbike on the side of the road and everyone is most of the time respectful… And what I do is I try to remember the people that are important to me that are no longer here. And say thank you.
It was this moment where you realize that I was in an area where not everyone could get along. Of course the Israeli - Palestinian conflict is still active and that’s the reason not everyone participated in the moment of silence. You can probably can guess the reason why.
It was a teaching moment for myself and made me more curious. Is it ever going to end? Will they ever get along? Will there ever be an end to the conflict? And what can we learn from all of this in the rest of the world?
But what now…
By now it is already three days later since I have started writing… The rain has started falling down. Thunder is coming. And there are plenty strips of film waiting for me to be printed… And the official project page needs to be updated. All the editing…
Believe me. I have plenty of anecdotes.
But writing long blog posts always leaves me with more questions. And I will write more on a later moment.
All I know is I had a great and interesting time again. And I have met some beautiful souls along the way. Bracha, Issam, they woman from television in Japan, Omar, Jared. The dudes from Japan. And all the other people I spoke to. Thanks for everything.
Jerusalem. I hope to see you soon again… You give me a home away from home…
Neshama Sheli. You are indeed important to me. You are a part of my soul…
One last thing…
One last thing that remains… Is figuring out what the band was I was dancing to at the Mahane Yehuda market in the evening… “Feel it in my brain“ and plenty of others songs. I danced my ass off! So if anyone has a clue… Please let me know! That song made me happy. :)
- Cristian
Playing with color...
I am a lover…
I am a lover of Black and White photography…
If I had to pick my soul apart and examine that little bit that is responsible for photography you will find out it will consist out of bit and pieces of Ilford Delta 400 or HP5+ and Kodak Tr-X. DDX and HC110.
But in that whole mess of Black, White, and all the shades of grey, there is a secret part that loves color.
Seduced by the wonderful tones of Steve McCurry and his Kodachrome. A mistress of the vibes of William Eggleston. Or a unspoken connection with the works of Harry Gruyaert.
So got myself some rolls of color film. Just because I felt like it!
I have got my hand on some Cinestill 50D and Kodak Ektar. And luckily for a short while there was no shortage of light. Did some casual roaming around. And had no real structure whatsoever. Just photographed everything that peaked my interest. I mean, I will be traveling in a couple of weeks again to work more on my ever evolving Israel project. So casual and just having fun is all I needed for now.
And it was fun! I mean, everyone knows that shooting analog is always a surprise. And way more difficult than digital. Also you don’t have the luxury of your back screen. But in comparison to Black and White you have to think in color.
So I tried to look for some colorful scenes and just clicked away.
Because most of the all color that I did shot lately was digital I was quite excited! So curious what the end results was... I was particularly excited for the Kodak Ektar. No specific reason. I just love the vibe of it, if that is reason enough. I am not very good at describing color pallets…
Me and my big bucket…
Since I do all of my developing myself I developed these rolls myself too. And in comparison to Black and White development I actually think color is more easy. With Black and White you can influence a lot by tweaking your entire developing process. From agitation to different developers and all of it you can think of. With color it is more straightforward and you can fuck less up.
The biggest challenge with color I think is getting everything to 38 degrees Celsius.
If you have followed my Instagram stories of that day. You might have noticed I have used a nifty little trick for that… If you are curious. Well… I guess you just have to follow my Instagram stories in the future to find that out haha.
Pushing it…
No this is not a reference to a Salt-N-Pepa song. But I did pushed it real good! To 400 to be exact. I think I only shot one roll at box speed. That was one of the cinestills’. But since I always like to push it, and 50 and 100 ASA is really not enough. I was like; screw it! Crank it up!
Added 30 seconds per stop to the developing time and it all went down as smoothly as a nice IPA on a sunny day. Or any other day…
Happy as a camper…
When I scanned the results I was indeed happy as a camper. It all looked wonderful and especially the reds really seem to stand out. This is why I shoot film… The smile on my face when you get the rolls out of your tank and seeing you film dry and after that the end result in an beautiful image. Or a sucky one when you screw up haha.
I would have loved to print some, but at home I can only do Black and White printing. I will look at that process maybe at a later time.
Wrapping it up…
Not wanting to make thing one a too long of a post, so I am going to wrap it up. Like I wrote in the beginning, I am about to work on my project again in a couple of weeks. And I need to get everything ready. So here are a couple of images of the rolls. Not all of them, otherwise there is noting left to share at a later moment…
So thank you for reading. And since you have made it this far. Here are the images.
- Cristian
Kodak Ektar 100 EI 400.
CInestill 50D EI 400.
Kodak Ektar 100 EI 400.
Cinestill 50D EI 400.
Cinestill 50D EI 400.
Cinestill 50D EI 400.
Cinestill 50D.
Kodak Ektar 100 EI 400.
Kodak Ektar 100 EI 400.
Digital vs Analog, Israel, testing stuff, and other project updates.
Hey everyone!
This blog post is not really a dedicated story about something particular. But more of a quick sum up of everything that is going on. I will address my photography and I will be addressing a little bit of my travel plans and projects that I am preparing.
So I am putting on some Tool (The band) and just write away!
And at the end some images… And yes. Even some color… As a reward for reading through everything haha.
That analog life…
If you have been following me you probably noticed that I am getting more and more into analog photography. Not that there is anything wrong with digital, but I just think it is tons of fun!
For everything is a time and a place though.
It started out with just pure curiosity. How it works, and aesthetically it is just amazing. For me there are too many variables in digital photography if you are really into the whole mega post-processed stuff. But I am more of a documentary photographer anyway. So it is not that bad. But I remembered when I started and before I have found my voice photographically the amount of stuff what you can do and achieve are almost limitless. That can be a advantage… But for me… It is not… The less of distractions in my gear the better.
With analog I pick a film that goes with my subject matter. Of course you need to do some post processing. That part is not different. Unlike some people like to believe. But your base is just different. And because of that I can focus more on my composition instead of being a Lightroom warrior.
Sitting in a Ferrari…
The fun thing is. After you have shot analog for a while as soon as I grab my digital camera it feels like I am sitting in a Ferrari. Everything goes so quickly! You can review what you are doing, not to worry about a full roll, auto focus all of sudden… Man! Like a hot knife though butter!
I already mentioned this once before. But every-time it gives me more and more respect of the photographers from the golden age and all of my heroes. In comparison shooting analog is just goddamn difficult!
Shades of grey…
The world is not black and white like photographs, but situations are as grey as they come. Same in the case of photography. And specifically; what do I bring on my upcoming project…
I will be traveling to Israel and the Palestinian territories again at the end of April. Continuing with my everlasting story I want to tell.
And despite I want to shoot most of it analog. The thing that is going through my mind is.
Is it practical?
If you have ever been to for example Jerusalem. The amount of detectors you have to go though is enormous. And the last thing I want is that my film is getting screwed up by all the scanners and stuff. Of course on the airport you can ask for hand checks. And as you have read in my Vietnam and China blog, it is not really a problem. But I just don’t want to take the risk. Because if I lost any of my images again I definitely get a heart attack or something. It happened already to me last year and, I don’t want to happen it again.
In the end my heart will probably kick my brains ass and I will bring digital and analog anyway.
Lomography…
Speaking of grey… I have been picked by Lomography to test their new Postdam Kino 100 film. From what I have seen it looks like an amazing film. It is inspired by old German cinema. And from the images I have seen what they have shot I am actually really curious what it will give me.
The only thing is, because it is 100 ASA I need a lot more sunlight. And the Netherlands is still grey…
But as soon as I shot it I will dedicate a blog post to it. So stay tuned for that…
Developing stuff…
Lately I have written a lot about developing. Especially on Instagram. And filming it to and such. But I am trying to keep it on my own blog to a minimum.
The whole reason for that…
I just want this about the art of photography and my adventures. Projects I am doing. And even maybe a sort of diary with things that come to my mind. Not one of the many gear or technical blog that are out there.
I am a photographer first. The rest is just bonus…
I do like I said, share that stuff in my Instagram. That whole platform is as contemporary as it can be. It has it’s uses. So that seems like the right place for that.
Also you probably will on some guest blogs that I am going to write. And have written already. You can find one on 35mmc. I have written a 5 frames with. Go check it out if you like! Click here.
There are also some other ones in development. But I will let you all know as soon as that will materializes.
Searching for stories…
After I return from Israel and the Palestinian territories and processed all of my work I will be looking for another place to travel to. No idea which one yet. But I am doing plenty of research. Nepal, Papua New-Guinea and Uzbekistan are on my list. But it always can change.
I am open for suggestions though. So if you have some. The comment section is open, so you can always drop a comment if you want.
The stipulation is. I do need to have a story to tell. The main focus is that I want to steer my work towards that I create more depth in my images. Not only with composition. But also ,it needs to be about something. Otherwise it will be just one of the many millions out there. I need to get out of that street photography flow and more into my documentary photo-journalistic flow.
So I am looking for events that are happening. Some special festivals. Tribes or (sub)cultures. It’s a difficult task. But hey, if you want that your work means something…
Ramble on…
Not the famous song of Led Zeppelin, but this time it is me that is starting to ramble again. So it is time to close the lid of my laptop and go to bed. Because I am finishing this story up on a Saturday night…
Oh!
And I bought a “new“ enlarger for my darkroom. Time to print!
Alright. This really was it. For now at least!
- Cristian
Ilford Delta 400
Ilford Delta 400
One of my few color shots lately.
And another color one.
A quick date with Kodak Tri-X.
Leftover rolls…
I thought it was a good idea to write more about some of my processes. And especially when I shoot something different than regular. Of course I would rather give you constant travel and adventure updates. But unlike the internet likes you to believe, real life is not always like that.
I shoot both digital and analog. But all of the experimenting you can do with film is just so much fun! Of course when I shoot with film I have my preferences. I just love Ilford and particular HP5+ 400. For me it is the perfect film. But sometimes I just have to try out new stuff.
And in that case, old stuff. Because when I was cleaning up my fridge I found out that I had two rolls of Kodak Tri-X 400 left.
Good excuse to go out and shoot.
Sidenote: I noticed afterwards that I even had some more. But those are expired. I will safe all the expired film for a later fun thing when I have plenty of time to spend.
Just doing random stuff…
I had no particular plan or anything. I just went out and shoot. First roll of Tri-X 400 on EI 1600 and than pushed two stops with developing. Same as I actually always do with my film. And the other one on box speed so I could screw around with long exposures.
The thing is. You do have to develop twice in that case. So don’t plan it when you are in a hurry and you want to see your results quickly. You can’t dump them in the same tank.
The first one which I have shot wasn’t all that different from every other film you eventually push two stops. So that was just walking around Amsterdam, Haarlem, and Utrecht and having fun.
For the second one I have brought along my tripod. I was trying to experiment with long exposures and multiple exposures at the same time.
The long exposures as a single shots turned out well. There was nothing wrong with those. But when you combine them with multiple exposures you miss the definition in the people. You only can get them when you are really quick with the “please don’t advance the film“ lever I think. I guess that is the whole reason why Titarenko was so good. Making good long exposures with people in it are just goddamn hard.
Technical details…
As far as the technical details of the developing process. I have used Ilford DD-X developer, Ilfostop, and Ilford Rapid Fixer. All of them on 20 degrees Celsius. So nothing fancy actually.
Deja Vu…
No philosophical message this time. Except for maybe just have fun and try new stuff… But what I did remembered is why I don’t like Tri-X! And that is it is curly as hell! And the film also damages quite easy I think. And it is not that I am a ruffian with the medium.
No dust magnet though. So that is a plus…
On aesthetics. I think that is just a matter of taste. I just like the way Ilford looks more. It is more me… Although Tri-X also has that classic look that all of the legends had. Sometimes you get that whole Garry Winogrand or Bruce Gilden vibe.
Speaking of legends!
What I always get reminded about how much shooting analog differs from digital. Especially mirror-less… You get instant feedback how your image looks. Particularly with those electronic viewfinder… Oh boy. I get why people like it. And than to think of it what kind of amazing work all of my heroes produced with all of the equipment from that age.
No auto focus…
No electronic viewfinder…
No feedback…
I mean, you have to visualize the entire image. And your feedback how it looks can take from hours to days. No fancy gadget makes you a better photographer. But it sure makes life easier.
But I digress!
Like always!
My damn monkey mind…
Not the longest post this time. But in the end it is just about sharing work and words, and hopefully that it reaches someones heart somehow.
Have a good one….
- Cristian
Going to Vietnam, Listening to an old lady singing Celine Dion songs, and freezing in China
Bags are packed…
I started writing this post in a stuffy hotel room in China. Meanwhile in the background the television was on, and a lady with a mustache singing Celine Dion songs. All of this together in a perfectly choreographed dance with her partner. Gotto love Chinese television…
So what the hell was I doing in a stuffy hotel room in China?
Well… I was on my way back from a trip I never would have expected to take this year. Vietnam!
I didn’t have that much time…
It was a short trip. I only had two weeks, and I had to make a short detour through China. Not that I was complaining, but China was freezing my balls of so cold was it! The downside was that having a long layover is that it will eat your time up at your final destination.
But with everything in life. You need to see the positives of it. And that gave me some thing to do some sightseeing in China itself. Despite I didn’t bring winter clothes. Silly me…
I just checked the weather in Ho Chi Minh and that is it!
The start of my adventure…
My adventure started about two weeks earlier give or take. Hopped on the plane in the middle of the day. Got all my baggage checked by security. And off I went.
In my research I looked for stores in Ho Chi Minh that sell Ilford film, and maybe some other analog stuff. This, because I was trying to minimize the chances of film going through an X-Ray scanner. Those scanners say they are film safe. But most of the time only to 800 ASA and I guess when you value your work you just don’t take the chance. It can leave some ugly glow across your film or some even more ugly lines. X-Ray is also light. Just very strong. The security personal did noticed my camera gear btw, and treated it with all of the care it needed. But more on that in the conclusion of my story.
The lady with the sign…
Anyways! After about and eleven hours I arrived in Beijing. And my whole plan for the layover was to do some sightseeing and maybe rent an sleeping pod for a couple of hours somewhere. But to my surprise there were two lovely Chinese ladies with a sign and my name on it! Also the name of some other travelers.
There was a little confusion because of the language barrier. But after a lot of talking with hand and feet the end conclusion was: Free hotel room!
Woohoo!
I like free stuff! But maybe that is because I am Dutch haha.
It turns out that you get a free hotel room with your plane ticket when you fly with China Southern airlines. Who would have known…
So got my 72 hour visa. Everyone got a sticker except for me. :( And took a long shower in the hotel room.
Sightseeing time!
My fellow companions of fate were a Dutch couple, a dude with a Roomba, and a German couple. We exchanged numbers during checking, because when you encounter these kind of surprises it is always smart to sort of have a line to each other in case something is the matter. And we all wanted to see the great wall of China.
So here we went! In the taxi, of to the great wall. And getting some Chinese money in the process. I called them Yen, but that is Japan. Sorry Japan! haha.
Because it was so freaking cold the great wall there were no crowds there. So for me that meant great photo opportunities!
Time for some noodles and onward with my journey…
And so I did…
After another six hour flight I arrived at Ho Chi Minh airport. We all split up to our final destination but the German couple was looking for a place to stay. And told them I was not staying in the party district, but in hostel at a district that was more easy going. I am not much of a party person, and my main goal was to photograph and chill out.
2019 is going to be a busy year for my with some hard to photograph places. So this was my sort of work / vacation trip.
They liked the sound of that and decided to join me.
I am so they did because they turned out to be this trips amazing souls.
If you follow me and my projects and travels I always met a person or persons that will make everything worth while. India there was the Professor. Claire and Ricky always have a special place in my heart. Chana. And the list goes on and on… If I didn’t name you, believe me, I didn’t forget you.
And now Tino and Alina. Thank you so much for the wonderful time I had while I was in your company.
Time to kill…
We could’t check into the hostel yet because we had to wait until two ‘o clock. So that meant time to kill.
Btw, the hostel I was staying in was DaBlend hostel. It was the cleanest hostel I have ever stayed in. Everything was so well organized. And the personal, especially Khoa are the coolest. So if you are like me and just want to do some work while chilling out if you are in Ho Chi Minh go to this place. Here is a link.
It turned out Alina is a photographer too. So after we dropped our bags and had some ice coffees we went out to do some photography. Got some great shots in, and walked a lot and had loads of fun.
Dragon Ball Z hands and time for bed…
We ended the super lang day with some beers and some food and some more beers on the roof. Apparently after I have had some Saigon beers I get Dragon Ball Z hands. Who would have known…
Time to rest…
Getting my hands on some film…
Ah morning! Time to be productive. I do my best photography alone and I also needed to get my hands on analog film I went out not too late. During my research I found the croplab.
Croplab didn’t have the film I normally use. I am a big fan of Ilford HP5+. But all they had of the Ilford brand was PAN 400 and Ilford Delta. In the end I chose to ho with the PAN 400.
Never had that one before and had to make a decision on the spot. So PAN 400 it was!
After I bought it I did some research during my rest moments. And it turns out it is not that common that you can get it here in western Europe. So that made it even more exciting for me! It was one big surprise how everything was going to turn out.
More on the results of the developed Ilford PAN 400 photographs in the blog post after this one.
The upcoming days…
The upcoming days were filled with everything I have planned. Went to a monastery close to the Cambodian border. Altough it was very cliche, but a big part of the history of Vietnam went to the Cu Chi tunnels and also shot some guns, and of course, plenty of more photography.
It broke my heart…
I do have to say this. And this is a reprimand to all tourist and I am very serious about it. At a couple of places. And especially the the religious places. There were a crapload of people misbehaving. And no, not young people. People of all ages, but especially the “elder” crowd.
It broke my heart that at a place where people were performing these very old traditions the tourists treated it like it was the McDonald’s.
Behave! Don’t be a dick! And keep your mouth shut! And also put that selfie stick in a place, or selfies in general, at a place where the sun doesn’t shine.
I am not doing that at your home either!
So if you read this. And you have the feeling that I am addressing you, I probably am.
Observe. Don’t consume!
You should know better…
Back to the fun stuff!
We took public transportation to most of the locations. But it takes a while. So at one time we were completely beat, and also a little scared that we weren’t able to get into the city because Vietnam was in the finals of the AFF Suzuki cup (Soccer). Luckily we entered the city just in time before the final whistle. Had to make one stop. But when the final whistle blew the city exploded in joy!
Haha at one point we had to celebrate with a group of Vietnamese people who were so excited to see us. Can’s of beers! Lot’s of photos with the foreigners! And chanting and cheering!
Congratulations Vietnam on the cup!
Time to get home…
Of course I want to tell you every other bit of this adventure. But i will spread those across future stories. Or maybe when you see me in real life, you can buy me a beer and I will tell you anyway.
It was time time for me to pack and head home. Lot’s of photos. Digital as well as analog.
The route i was going to take was the same one as I took on my way towards Vietnam. But now with a crapload of analog film.
I told all of you earlier that film can’t really handle X-Ray scanners that well. So I asked everyone security officer if they were able to hand check my film by hand.
And they did!
I guess this also counts like everything in life. Just ask politely, put up a big smile, and tell passionate about the gear you have. And don’t feel entitled to anything.
All of the security officers treated my film with all the care they could give it. As they did with me. Some even got excited to see it. That gave me a comfortable feeling.
If you don’t want to risk it anyway. The alternative is to find a place that can process your film. Developed film can not be harmed by scanners.
The reason I bring undeveloped film home with me is because I want to be in complete control of the developing process.
A couple of days later…
Now I am back at home. Already thinking of the next adventures I will have in 2019…
Not listening to Chinese Celine Dion, but to the Doors on vinyl.
Having the daunting task to go trough all of my work. That is always quite the project by itself…
Alina and Tino thanks again!
Merry Christmas you all of your that have taken the time to read this blog post.
The next one will be about the analog photographs I took and the developing process.
And remember…
It is Christmas 365 days a year…
- Cristian
The monkeys did it! - My days in Varanasi, India...
I’ve been home a couple of weeks now…
My Instagram feed make you want to believe otherwise because I am still posting photographs of India. But hey! Why not! I just created a lot of work over there that I wanted to share.
Trying…
I’ve been trying to write this blog post ever since the day I have returned home. But you know… Life… Ha! I always was surprised why some photographer seem to only update their blog every once in a while. But trying to juggle a lot of things all at once makes me realize the reason why that happens…
But! For now I have some me time again. So that means going through about 3000 photographs which I took in India of course. Writing my blog. And also, thinking about a way to present my work. In real life that is… Not digitally. As many people know I hate looking at photographs in the digital form. You need to hold them.
But like always I digress…!
Back to India!
I landed in Delhi like most people do. Around midnight I got my backpack from the luggage carousel, and oh so fucking tired of the flight I stepped outside looking for my driver…
I’ve been lucky to see much of this world already. And when I was doing my research my first reaction was. Aaaaaah the chaos in India is probably not as intense as they say it is!
Well I can tell you… It is!
Even in the middle of the night it was so busy everywhere… The busiest city I have seen so far was Tehran, Iran. But that one seems orderly in comparison to the chaos when you arrive in Delhi…
It was warm, humid, and dusty…
I stayed a couple of days in Delhi. I’m not really a fan of big cities. But it would be a shame if I just flew to Varanasi immediately.
I guess Delhi was a good way to acclimatize to the moist and heat, but mainly all of the honking… I still have some nightmares about the honking! I really needed those days because nothing else could prepare me more than Varanasi itself…
In Delhi i roamed mostly around the old city. Which is nice… The light is good, the dust creates some nice looks. And plenty of people and scenes to creates some nice images and warm up. And of course plenty of street food!
The only thing you need to look out for is crooked tuktuk drivers and touts. But other than that… Just roam around, eat plenty, and have fun.
The culture shock that is Varanasi…
I took a domestic flight to Varanasi. I wanted to go by train, but with all the hassle I had to go through with the new website that the Indian railways has got, and I wasn’t planning to let fate decide this trip what kind of train seat I would have. It seemed like a good idea!
Don’t get me wrong. I do think if you have plenty of time you really need to take the train! It will probably be a adventure by itself…
Varanasi was even warmer. And when my driver picked me up from the airport I guess it was roughly an hour drive to the city. For everyone who reeds this. A tuktuk will also get you there and is more fun and cheaper. And you don’t get any tricky questions if you want to upgrade to an airco one haha.
As soon as you arrive the chaos begins. Varanasi is so busy! Especially when I arrived… It was a holiday. Gandhi Jayanti. So a lot of Indian people travel to the city to do their rituals in the Ganges.
Being in Delhi first did indeed prepared me a little bit for everything. The business… Chaos… And the honking! My god! When will the honking ever stop!
The honking is being used as some sort of echo location to see if someone is close by or something. Even in the tiniest streets, motorbikes will try to go through the crowds and honk their way onwards…
As soon as I arrived in the guest house I was staying I started to explore. With my trusty camera of course. There is no better way than just dive right in!
Gear…
BTW, if you read this, and you are a camera nerd, and the chance of that might be quite big…You are most likely interested in which gear I brought. Well that is a very short list…
It was a Fujifilm X100F. A Fujifilm X-Pro 2 with just one 23mm lens. (35 mm equivalent ). And plenty of batteries and memory cards. That was it! I din’t even need the batteries because if you learn to turn off your camera yourself it lasts longer and is quicker ready to shoot, than it gets out of sleep mode…
In the end I only used the X100F. And no regrets…
So screw the gear!
I started at the main ghat. Ghats is what makes Varanasi, Varanasi I guess… It is the heart and the soul of the city. And those are the places where life happens…
The main ghat was so busy! I felt like I was in an ant hill… But it was really interesting to see all the rituals and traditions going on…
It was not the place for me though. For me the most interesting moments happened when I was roaming between the most southern ghat ( Assi Ghat ) and just right before the main ghat.
You can go even more northern. But somehow it was less appealing to me.
And also a small but not less important. The ghats were covered in mud! There has been a flood. And there was mud everywhere… So that gave it’s own challenges… There was a huge cleanup operation going on that made for some interesting scenes. Even lost my shoe, and found it back again. And became for me a big part of the story of the city.
My own rituals…
I created my own rituals there. For me that was roaming between the ghats I just mentioned. Walking a little, stopping for chai, and walking some more.
One morning when it still was before sunrise I continued my roaming between the ghats, and at one moment I got the questions for the thousands of time; “Boat Sir?“
Until now, I always replied no while shaking my head. But this time he even proposed a descent price. Still a little bit more than the local price. But when you travel you need to have the “fuck it“ attitude and just see what happens… And so I did…
I got in the boat. The boatman came and go, and than came again… I thought it was time to finally to go but than another passenger came out of nothing.
The other passenger and I started talking and he turned out to be a professor from Pune, that is close to Mumbai. A super friendly man which gave some interesting insights about the country and city which I otherwise I would have missed or not have known.
We ended up having lunch together and a day later diner and even introduced me to a friend of his. And also drove on a motorcycle with three people at once.
Another thing he introduced me too was lemon tea in the Assi ghat. It is not like Chai or regular tea. But it is tea with salt… The first sip was a bit weird. But after the second one I was hooked! The lemon tea later became a part of my ritual and I even made a lemon tea budget in one of my many pockets haha.
And professor. If you happen to read this blog post. Thank you for everything and your great care. And I mean that form the bottom of my heart. Kind people like you is what makes traveling so special. :-)
The story continues…
The more I roamed around the more I got to know the city. Which is a good thing… You learn what makes the city sort of tick. You start to see the light. You learn what most import is to you and your photographs. And you even get to know the people that live there. The touts started to leave me alone. Compared my muscles with some of the guys who thought they were strong. Chai break here, Chai break there, Chai break everywhere!
Talking about strong…
My physique helps me in a lot of ways… I am not a body builder so I am not huge. I am a weightlifter which is a big difference! It does not make you look bulky. You just get big legs and you look like you can lift a house. But that is a different story haha.
And this time too. One of the mornings I arrived at one of the Kushti training centers. For people who don’t know what Kushti is. Kushti is an traditional form of Indian wrestling which goes back even way before 0 BC. Here is a link to the wikipedia page.
My main goal was to do some photography over there. And it was a important item on my shot list. But I started talking to one of the wrestlers. And as soon as I mentioned that I was a weightlifter I needed to join!
How can I refuse?
So I didn’t even hesitate and joined.
I got introduced to the head coach and, and as soon as the area was made ready to train, I joined the prayer, and was ready to go. The wrestler told me what to say during they prayer. Trained with some of there equipment. Did some grappling. And got a massage and a good cracking from the head coach. Did need to take a little break to still get my shots in haha.
The equipment they use reminds me of the Persian house of strength or Zurkhaneh. Especially the clubs and hammers.
They are such a wonderful people. As soon as the training was done I got invited to join the next day again.
The monkeys did it!
I always talk about my monkey mind. But these monkeys were not in my mind. There are in the streets and on the roof. Now isn’t that really such a strange thing. But somehow the monkeys over here have a little more of a jerk factor than everywhere else.
During the evenings I made some phone-calls back home and every-time there was a huge monkey sitting above the roof entrance playing with his balls and looking at my phone… That bastard wanted to have his own… But it is mine man!
Their assholeness is fuel for some funny conversations though. I will never forget the shop own who complained about that the monkeys broke his Wi-Fi. Or the little kids who where cursing at the monkeys because they their kite. And I asked them; Are the monkeys nice? And their reply was with their sweetest voice; No, monkeys not nice…
It is really refreshing though to see kids playing with kites and chasing monkeys and be happy with it.
My bridge. And a message to other photographers…
I am not talking about a physical bridge. But I am talking about a philosophical one… And one I want to make and connect to my previous stories and my message to photographers.
And maybe not even photographers but everyone in general…
It is all about making connections!
I am not kidding! One of the things that got me triggered were a couple of remarks that were something like; “Hey you are in India, it must be really so easy to get some good photographs!”
That actually rubbed the wrong way…
If you really think like that, why are you photographing?
The things that make photographs special and timeless, are the emotions and the stories you are capturing. If it wasn’t for the kids on the roof, the professor, the Kushti wrestlers, and later a buffalo herder which I talked for hours with on the waterfront of the Ganges. I wouldn’t have gotten my shots in. And besides that. You still need to think about composition and such!
This is what makes your photographs tell stories. You are dealing with real human beings, with a heart! And a soul! And emotions! Yes India is a photography friendly country… And very photogenic. But still…
Otherwise you are just doing graphical design with a camera.
So treat humans as humans… Not as subjects…
You are not in a zoo (And I don’t even like zoos)…
Talk to some people… It will make you richer in ways that you would have never have imagined….
And even when you are not a photographer. Traveling is still about connections. The laughter and joy. The stories you come back home with… Not the Instagram likes…
Rant over… Back to the fun stuff. Like getting sick for a day.
I wanted to train Kushti again but all out of nothing I felt sick. It came out of nowhere! I guess no one is safe for some sort of bug here. Especially with our fragile European bodies.
I needed some healthy stuff. And maybe some food that reminds me of home. So after some Google’ig I have found the brown bread bakery.
What a delight!
It is a nice place where they sell some European sandwiches, nice teas, and lots of smoothies!
When I was there eating my Gouda sandwich I met an amazing couple. Tobias and Isabelle. Isabelle is from the Netherlands too, and Tobias is from the UK if I am correct. And with my camera on the table it didn’t take long the conversation went towards photography. And especially analog.
It turns out that they were making a documentary film purely shot on analog film. That is so cool! They went to so many places already and now they were shooting in Varanasi.
Go check their Instagrams out! You can find Tobias here. And Isabelle here.
The flu like symptoms went away as quickly as it came. And I was going on my way again. We said goodbye. Exchanged Instagram’s. And for me it was back to photography.
Wrapping it up! For now…
I still have so many stories to tell… But maybe I will tell them later.
It is about time I will round this blog post up…
India is an amazing country. Despite the chaos, honking, slipping on cow poo, the monkeys, and the famous Delly Belly… Yes, I was also a victim haha.
The food. The nice people. The culture. Everything!
In the future I will return to see the rest of the country. There is no question about that…
For now. There is a little bit less than two months left in 2018. And if you have come this far in reading this blog post. First of all… Thank you for that.
Also…
Maybe some of you can help me with some future destinations! I opened up the comments of this post because of that.
The reason I ask is because I have to my own surprise some extra time to travel in December. And the destinations is not set yet…
So which part of this beautiful earth would you like to see me document?
Until next time…
- Cristian
The importance of printing your work...
The doorbell rang..
I did not expect anything. But still... In the back of my mind I hoped it would be something I was waiting for... And hot damn... It was!
The delivery man had a huge safety box! After I dragged it to my apartment I was finally able to open it... And each layer I removed I was getting me happier and happier...
I can not describe fully how cool it is to hold your own work in your hands in physical form.
Normally in this day and age most of the images we create we only see digital. But at least for me, it loses a lot of it's charm. For me it is in the same ballpark as listening to a record. Or reading a real book. Only times a hundred. If you could stare to a image for hours and lose yourself in it, you know you are on the right track. And with printing, it gets you there...
I guess that is why art is meant to be experienced for real. And just on you computer screen or phone.
Printing also has other benefits. Besides it is freaking awesome! You will think about the details more. And how you will shoot next time. There is a whole process involved before you can actually send it to the printer....
What kind of size do I want? What kind of paper do I need? You have to order some samples because you will see your image transform before your eyes as soon as you put it behind glass...
How do I need to deliver my files? What kind of frame do I want? And also you have to account for your passe-partout. Don't know the english word for that, so you will have to forgive me. It is the big ass white are black border around your image.
And than also other important stuff. What is the purpose of a image? Are you going to sell it? And the most difficult, what is the price of your product going to be?
Am I there yet?
Probably not... But I will think of stuff later. And otherwise maybe you will...
For this series I have used Hahnmühle paper. And even within this brand, there are lost of sub choices to be made. So how do you want to present your work? Is it going to be a larger than life print? You will be needing to make those kind of choices to proceed. The higher end you want to deliver the higher end and maybe even thicker paper.
If it were black and white images it probably would have been Ilford.
But that is not the only choices you have in the sub-choice. Every kind of paper structure will influence the way the ink enters the paper and give it a different feel...
Fuck... Are you getting dizzy yet?
There are so many factors to consider to print your work! But, I guess photography is all about the details. And the better you want to get, the better you are going to look for those details... And the more driven you will be...
And in the end actually it does not matter anyway. Strange huh?
Here is why:
Because you rule!
It does not matter if you are a amateur or a high end pro. Printing your work is also very simple. Because it is just awesome to do!
You! You as a person decided that was your one decisive moment that you chose to print. And you are going to be as happy as a child anyway. And you should be fucking proud of yourself!
Until next time...
- Cristian
Who are you shooting for?
"Who are you shooting for?"
I was thinking about this while talking to a fellow photographer online, being in bed with the flu, and watching the YouTube channel of Ian Wong. The talk was about his new analog Contax T2. It is one beautiful machine. And if I believe all the stories online it is build like a freaking tank!
But the build quality was not the point... It was the fact that it shot analog. And that does not mean that analog is per definition better. But it makes you think more about what you do... You only have got a number of shots on a film roll so you can not fuck up! How is that for some pressure my millennial friends?
I compare at a bit to owning a record player. Instead of putting on a Spotify playlist you have to pick out a record and think about what you want to listen to next. It makes you more aware of the music that you are listening.
I believe that applies to photography as well... If you only have a number of shots, and really have to think about what ISO you film speed is going to be, and you can't yank it out half way of shooting. It makes you think more... Not only your technical choices like aperture and shutter speed, but I mean really think. About the important stuff, like composition!
If you look at the legends like Salgado and Koudelka, they also shot analog. There wasn't even digital available! But still they seemed to shoot the best stories you can find...
And it looks like it is the only way to get really better at your craft as a photographer. And I am not saying now run off and buy a analog camera. But think about what you are shooting... Don't take 50 shots and pray that there is one good one in the bunch. But be aware of your surroundings, about your composition, the story that you want to tell... And pretend you only got one roll of film in your camera... It will make you better...
And that explains the title; "Who are you shooting for?"
Are you shooting just a quick snapshot to post on Instagram and share with your friends? Or are your goals to tell a story like nobody has done before?
Maybe it is the perfect analogy to life too... Don't go for the quick results but for what is really worth it...
Capturing Kick Off Alliantie Genderdiversiteit
Gender diversity and photography...
Like always I love telling the story of our world. And knowing this story isn't told that much, I was more than happy to say yes when I was invited to shoot at the kickoff of the alliance of gender diversity.
The alliance is made out of multiple of organisations that are trying to break through the stereotypical image how the society looks at gender. And the alliance is consists at the moment of writing out of Movisie, Atria, COC, Doetank PEER, Emancipator, NNID, Nederlands Jeugd Instituut, Rutgers, School & Veiligheid, Transgender Netwerk Nederland en Universiteit van Amsterdam Pedagogie.
Those are all dutch organizations, but who knows... Maybe in the future there will be some international ones.
The kickoff was being held in a event center named "the colour kitchen". And like all event centers or congress centers, it is really really really dark...
So that provided me with some sort of a challenge. So here comes the technical part.
I chose to shoot without flash, because otherwise in a intimate setting the talks of the speakers were constantly disrupted by flashes. And for me, if you want to capture the decisive moment, you have to be discreet...
So I put my trusty Olympus on silent mode and started shooting. I can't say one value for the EXIF data, because I was constantly adjusting my settings. Everything was done in manual mode. ISO varied from 8000 and lower... It all depended how close I was to the big screen in the front. And same goes for aperture. That was constantly shifting between 5.6 and 2.8. Shutter speed shifted between 1/250 and a 1/125. That was because I wanted the people to be frozen, and in this case, not see any motion blur.
Not only I was happy shooting at this event because there were some special individuals, but also during my photographing I listened to the speakers. It gave me another perspective again in how everyone looks at life, and so that meant another chance to learn.
Most people are only interested in the technical part of photography. But for me... Technical skills are only a part of that. It is if you do photography with your heart you will see someones soul for real and put emotion in your photograph.
If you are interested you can find more information on their Facebook page here. And information about Doetank Peer you can find here.
Armando Aid Fundraiser - November 18th.
On November 18th there will be a fundraiser for Armando Aid.
Armando Aid is a organization that is providing education to refugee children. That is one beautiful concept right?
This event specifically will be a Christmas fundraiser to raise money for a new educational program in Europe and the Middle East.
The organization has no official funding or support and relies solely on fundraisers and personal donations.
The day will be filled with live music and comedy. And there will be a auction where art will be for sale.
That is also one of the reason I am writing about this. I not only think it is a good organization, but I will also be contributing to the aid. I donate one of my prints that is specially printed on fujifilm paper that lasts a lifetime. And I really love the way it made my photograph come to life... The print I donated is on the bottom of this posts.
The fundraiser is being held in London so if you are in the neighborhood maybe you could pay a visit. All information can be found here and and you can get tickets here.
Otherwise there are other ways to support this organization. For example you can donate some money here. But you can also contribute in other ways. Like you can be a teacher or a Gardner on location. Best thing you can do if you want to read about that is on the get involved page.
This organization already has done so much good, and managed to educate a lot of people so it would be wonderful if they could do it for many more years to come!
