Waní-wí-ipȟá - A reflection of 2020...

Waní-wí-ipȟá

It’s December 21st. Brushed my teeth… Covered myself with my super warm winter blanket. And the last words I see passing by before I fall asleep are “Waní-wí-ipȟá“.

It’s Lakota and literally means winter solstice. Also a sacred date and an opportunity to share and remember stories from the year past.

If only I could meet the Lakota one day…

But for now they are right. It is a sacred date and it is an opportunity to remember stories of years past…

So why not shall I…

The darkest day…

It is the darkest day… Not only for the earth the sun and the moon, but also for me. And to be honest I’ve been struggling lately.

So the darkest day also felt like one of the darkest days that I have had in a long time myself.

Not every day I am able to be Super Cris. Some days I am just not that Super… It is fine. Luckily one of Super Cris’ powers is daring to be vulnerable so all of it is okay.

The details why are just for me and maybe some of my friends. But also the new lockdown didn’t help either. I guess that part counts for everyone and hit me a bit harder than expected.

But luckily the more the day progressed I felt better and better.

And as Seneca wrote: “There are more things, Lucilius, that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality.“

Waní-wí-ipȟá did make me think about stories from last year. And when you are down or sad it’s easy to forget about the good things that have happened. Since negativity can be like a whirlpool of emotions that will drag you more to the center of sadness… But good things did happen, and actually a lot...

And by the time I am done with writing this it is right before New Year’s eve. So it is a good moment to reflect anyway…

Appreciation

So what are some of the good things that happened? Or some of the stories? Well if I want to tell all of them I need ten more blog posts because I just like to tell long long long stories. But for now, I will try to keep it short. And maybe a bit sweet, I don’t know. I’m still writing so who knows how it ends.

But one of the things that stood out was the appreciation I gained for a friend of mine. I’ve never seen someone putting so much effort in fixing a friendship. And that stuff is rare...

So I’m super grateful to her for that.

You will get your horse soon.

Writing as an exercise for the soul

Writing in general is a good exercise to reflect. And if you are a regular follower of my blog, my stories are more about me, my thoughts, philosophies, or other pickings of the brain. That in the end is what makes art. Not the chosen f-stop on your camera.

So what more things have to be grateful of and what more stories do I have? And how can I reflect?

Well my wet printing skills have improved.

My project about my father is still going strong but it is hard. Not emotionally surprisingly... But more in the way that I’m trying to create something that doesn’t exist yet. And that is a super hard puzzle to solve.

I was gifted a printer for quick prints so I can edit easier.

My Hasselblad. I’m still so in love with it…

Some family members I’ve been come a bit closer with. Like my niece and one of my sisters.

Of course my friends. Peace homies!

I’ve learned a lot about myself when I was a host for a week to help out another friend. And it made me realize I have still some things to work on. Loved every second of it so no worries. Afterwards my house was way way to quiet.

And that I still need to fix my motorbike but somehow I don’t feel like a lazy bum for not doing it.

Also I recovered more stuff from my dad than I expected.

Talking about the project about my dad…

So this part is for the people that are genuinely interested in my progress with this project.

Well the good news is: There is progress.

The bad news is: I still have a freaking long way to go…

I you have ever been or are a musician you maybe know what I am talking about. Sometimes the licks and riffs flow from your mind and sometimes it feels like fighting an endless battle.

It is the same with photography. You start your project, and you have ideas, and one idea brings you to another idea. And it flows and it flows. And sometimes ideas will lead you to a dead end so you will have to explore some new ideas.

This is, in my humble opinion, the biggest reason why you shouldn’t share your work before it is done.

Maybe not a good fit for this instant gratification society. But it is what it is… Because the end product will have changed so much by the time that when it is done and will most likely be so different that it doesn’t look like what was shared or not. And most important. No more surprise effect…

Also an edit of your project can make it or break it. And a photograph does not have to mean anything by itself, or even can be boring. But when you put it into a sequence or in context it suddenly has meaning.

To put it even put the previous sentence into context. A “making-of” of an album from a band or from a movie is also shown when the movie is out. Not during the creation.

So there is a lot to digest. I have been sharing some little pieces of work with only two People that I completely trust. That is my dear friend Eelco which is an amazing art director, and Thana (She has a new book out. Go and check it out here besides that it is an amazing book you will learn a thing or two).

I think it is super important to be picky in who you trust because someone needs to be able to give honest feedback but at the same time also needs to be fully and totally aware in what your end goal is.

The risk of getting your feedback from i.e. a social media group or even during a workshop is that the people from that group or workshop teacher maybe not know your personality or what your end goal is. And how good of an artists they maybe are, they might not give you the right feedback. And therefore might not be a good match.

Therefore, trust is important.

If it is generic picture taking. Why not… Just do whatever you want.

I guess that is also the reason why you need to answer your own “why“.

I answered mine. And this is what came out…

Also stay curious and keep making an effort. Otherwise your project like any other relationship, either one from love or friendship, will die out.

Keeping on… Rollin on…

While summing up this year I also though about how much I shot and how it differed form when I was shooting digital.

So I shot about 170+ rolls of film this year. That doesn’t seem like much but it actually is when you cannot travel. And if it was digital I would have shot way way way more.

Went through copious amount of Rodinal.

Some Ilfotec-HC.

Plenty of Foma paper.

I’ve cried.

Was gifted 52 rolls of film (Thank you Stephen of Kosmo Foto for that.)

Added about 10 photography books to my collection.

Upgraded my darkroom with a beautiful Durst M605 and some amazing Rodagon and Nikon lenses.

Discovered coffee from Yemen and now I am hooked!

Found and bought some beautiful LP’s from the likes of Edith Piaf and Ella Fitzgerald.

And I was gifted a Koala! Not a real one, but it love it anyway.

I laughed a lot.

Fell a lot less asleep on the couch.

But two day before I have published this blog post I did fall through the basement floor while doing squats…

I am fine btw. Knees were a bit hurt but the more day progressed I felt better and better.

Had more and more articles published and some exhibitions.

Some nice print sales.

Jeej!

Alright one more…

One more story or reflection…

Well… Something like that…

I wrote down all of my fears, sadness, and unresolved emotions on a piece of paper and set fire to it.

It sounds cheesy but it helps.

It’s time to move on and it’s time to put some things to rest. I know I’m ready for the next big step in my life whatever that is. But that only will be achieved if I acknowledge but let go of the past.

A year without adventure…

Maybe 2020 was not filled with beautiful travel stories and amazing suqs filled with smells of herbs and spices or oudh. Or indigenous beautiful humans in a certain part of the world who stuff me with food while they are telling me stories and hugging me.

I miss them all.

Every genuine beautiful single soul…

Luckily I have got Merry Christmas messages from all over the world.

But what 2020 did was, was a year filled with reflection, change, preparation, and release.

And also some anxiety and beer.

Onwards 2021…

I want to conclude 2020 by giving a big thank you to everyone that I love. You have no idea how much you mean to mean to me. You really don’t… I cannot seem to put it into words, but sometimes I do try.

A big thank you also to everyone who has given me a chance this year. I am still growing and evolving as a photographer, and I promise I will not waste any of my upcoming chances.

December 31st, 2020…

By the time this story ends it is December 31st, 2020…

Sipping on my morning coffee…

I got the special one today…

Ready to press publish.

2020 is almost over… Only a short while left…

Days from now on will be getting longer again.

Earth will be eased up a bit in the eternal dance between the sun and the moon.

Onwards to 2021.

You will see more of my work soon…

~ Cristian

P.S. I am totally fine. No worries. :)

Dear future Cris... A birthday letter... To me...

Dear future Cris…

By the time you will read this probably another 38 years have passed. Or maybe even another 380... Who knows... Times are strange at this current moment when I am writing this to you...

Or even more. One of the strangest birthdays ever…

There is a thing going on named Covid-19. You really hated that period remember..

I am writing you this letter for a couple of reasons… And in the meantime you are listening to some Fleetwood Mac. If you have forgot about them. It is an amazing band… Go put it on.

One of reasons is: Stop doubting yourself…

I know life can be tough sometimes and you have been through a lot but you are a wonderful man. Sometimes someone even calls you super Cris. And that is all you have ever wished for…

I know that doubt is strange and new to you because you have always followed your heart. And you just did things. This will be also your guide for the rest of your upcoming years too. That is your superpower. And your heart is humongous.

So keep it beating proudly.

And although not everyone will understand you. You understood me, and I understand you. So it will be fine. You will be fine…

You are the master of my faith. I am the master of your Soul…

Your father loves you…

At the moment you are writing this letter you have started a project about your father and you are now a couple of months in. At some points that was very confronting but you are mentally just as strong as physically. You are doing a wonderful job and hopefully it will be the gateway to wonderful new opportunities. I am sure when you read this back years in the future you will say it was the perfect way of honoring your father and your grandfathers…

Dare to cry again…

You know this Cris! It is one of your life lessons that you always share with others. That strength lies in daring to be vulnerable.

But sometimes you forget…

There will always be people that leave without saying goodbye…

And you will say; I don’t cry!

I am a grownup now…

But you know this. Whatever challenges lie ahead of you. Or whatever friendship, loved ones, or relationships you will gain or lose. It is part of life…

There is no reason to only let that bluebird in your heart out at night and let it sing when nobody sees it. Let that bird sing like it has never sang before. And it deserves to have an audiance.

Nothing is under control except for your own thoughts…

You are 76 around now and hopefully having your morning coffee with the love of your life.

And if that is your soulmate or that Hasselblad you just gave yourself as a birthday present that doesn’t matter.

Don’t be so hard on yourself…

Marcus Aurelius already wrote about this in meditations. You are nothing more than your own thoughts… And you think that the only way to achieve your dreams is to be your own hardest critic. But there are more ways to do this and you will get there…

Probably you are already there…

And if not…

Just never give up…

Ain’t nothing to it but to do it…

And even more so… What is life, if you don’t dream anymore?

Catch that train of opportunities and sail instead of row…

Speaking about dreams…

I hope you found more insights about those nighttime dreams of yours…

If you ever did find out please let me know!

I want to know why I have Dragon Ball Z hands…

Photograph like you are writing a song or a poem…

Some say that when you get older that you are not as passionate anymore… But knowing you that will never disappear. You have been daydreaming since you were a little kid and creating you own world in your thoughts… So why quit now?

Also one of the insights you had during 2020 was to make your photographs more like a song and a poem in one.

An old man can dance in the living room too. Or listen to Satie or Slayer.

Duane Michals, Trent Parke, Khalil Gibran, or one of your Sufi poets like Rumi…

Hafez…

Jacques Brel and Edith Piaf…

It will be a wonderful, wonderful mess…

A complicated mess.

But it is your mess so it is beautiful…

Time is running out…

Not only in life but also for this letter. But you have learned this lesson at a young age. So you live your life accordingly.

You only have a minute…

With only sixty seconds in it.

Forced upon me, can’t refuse it.

Didn’t seek it, didn’t choose it.

But it’s up to me to use it.

I must suffer if I lose it.

Give account if I abuse it.

Just a tiny little minute,

but eternity is in it…

That is not yours by the way in case you have gotten senile. It is written by: Dr. Benjamin E. Mays.

So…

So happy birthday my main man…

I hope you will have a wonderful day.

And even many many many years from now you will have even a richer heart.

And also a nicer beard…

Happy Birthday Future Cris…

It will all be fine.

And remember… Love yourself a little bit more. Do your squats. Drink your beers and take your photographs.

Cheers buddy!

From your friend in the present and future and everything in between.

Even in another dimension in time and space…

Kind regards,

Cristian Geelen

P.S. If you like my work and my stories but the regular ways to support me like buying my photographs are not a option for you at this moment. You can always support me through a donation with the donation button.

Donate and support Cris' projects

Publication in Lens Magazine.

Hey everyone,

Well I was talking about another announcement I would make this week. And I am happy to say that my Neshama Sheli project can be seen and read in Lens Magazine.

Sometimes I call it paying the man. Sometimes I quote Invictus. But in the end it just means hard work pays off…

Things like these for me are amazing and you can sure as hell expect that I will drink a beer or to to celebrate.

To know that your work will be in a printed and digital magazine I a crown on all of the hard work. Print of course the most haha.

I will expect that I will be working for another six years on this project. So who knows where it will end up in the end…

Thanks Dafna and Ziv!

You can buy Lens Magazine through PocketMags, Magtzer, and your Amazon Kindle. Physical prints go through MagCloud.

Don’t forget you can support my work by buying me a coffee on my Ko-fi page. Or buying a print of course.

Today is a good day!

~ Cristian

Support me on Ko-fi...

Hey everyone,

Not a super long update this time. I am melting away because of the heat wave we are currently experiencing in the Netherlands.

In the meantime what I did manage to do between plenty of shooting was to create a Ko-fi page.

A Ko-fi page a place where you can donate some money to buy a cup of coffee. Or in my case, rolls of film.

You can find the page over here…

I did this because I know there are some people that would love to support me, but don’t have the budget to buy a print. Which I can totally understand.

That is it for now. Back to my ice-cream…

~ Cristian

Diary entry during a pandemic once forgotten... The death of my father... And a flying snowman...

The radio is on…

At least that what we have said years and years ago… But it is just regular old Spotify. No LP’s today.

Fairuz is playing. She is a Lebanese singer which I have just discovered this morning. What a beautiful voice she has. It reminded me of more beauty that I know, so I send it to her…

It also reminded me that I needed to write a little bit again. A sort of a update. Or a story. A glimpse of my mind. A question. A observation. Or maybe all of the above… Just look at it as a diary entry…

Unfortunately writing blog posts is not as romantic as writing a journal. And years and years after I have died my journal is the thing most likely to be found. And not my blog.

Does it matter anyway?

Everything matters…

All of it. All the little bits and pieces in between matter. I love writing. And who knows who is reading this and is interested what goes on in the mind of a artist.

I think I am not really made for creating YouTube videos. And if I would ever do that. I think it is way more important to talk about the art and philosophy of photography instead of gear. And that is all what you see nowadays. Anyways, writing seems just more fitting for me.

So here it is. More writing. Are you ready for the copious amount of text?

I sure am…

Writing sometimes takes me days though. And I don’t know how many days it will take me to finish this story. You can guess more than a few…

There once was a pandemic…

If I look outside the world almost looks like normal again but strangely it isn’t… Borders are opening up in Europe which is nice. So will it be finally time for me to take another trip? I hope so… But where will it be… I want to work more on my current projects. Or maybe even start a new one in a place where I have never gone before. Traveling I miss so much! That is no secret… The places where I want to go are outside of Europe. And they are either still in lock-down now. Or not taking any visitors.

Just be patient, Cris. It will be fine…

Although as a individual I am not afraid of the virus. There are still many things to take into account though.

But again… As I look outside…. The world seems normal again…

But it isn’t…

There is still a pandemic going on…

Do we ever learn…

The pandemic did made me realize it was finally time to start a photo essay about my father. But if you want to read more about that… You need to read just a little bit more of this story.

So in a way “I” learned. Finally a project which I really care about back-home. Finally a project back-home that I love.

And like I always say: Love is the one thing one needs to succeed. And it doesn’t matter what it is… If there is no love. It will not succeed.

But when I look around me. And when I observe as what photographers are supposed to do. Unfortunately I see a lack of love.

That sounds dark. But life is dark. Without darkness there cannot be light. But no worries. I will end with some happiness in the end… Well… Sort off…

It is the ying to the yang. Or the, as above to the, so below.

Countless and countless of humans still chose the life in between. Old patterns. Afraid to take chances. And trying to clinch on to the old.

It should have been a teachable moment….

One would think that something as humongous as a global pandemic would made as change the way we are. But saying it like a Dutch man. We hebben geen reet geleerd. (We didn’t learn shit.).

Still always in a hurry…

You can see it by the traffic lights. It is a prime example how to deal with things. Not waiting for the green. Because one thinks that he or she is so special it doesn’t apply to them.

The human ego what constructs that is also responsible for more extreme things. Because it is always looking to bend it a little bit more…

In the end it is responsible of war and famine. Injustice and racism. And even the whole cancel culture which I despise to the core, is a result of it.

Why do we keep hurting ourselves…

So is the human ego to blame for it all? I don’t know… I philosophize about it a lot. And it also seems that patterns are a big part of it.

Patterns. Nature… Nurture…

It is the reason I guess why people keep stuck in relationships that doesn’t give them happiness. Or keep doing their dead-end job. It is safe. It is everything one knows…

And change is scary…

Yes. Even for me…

And even more so. Change hurts…

A lot!

A pandemic should be the catalyst to finally make the changes we need. From a micro level in ones personal life. To a macro level for the entire globe.

There is some change going on as you can see with all the protest because of the death of George Floyd. But will it be enough? I hope so. But you also see that with every movement there are a lot of people being taken advantage of. Or being used as puppets for another agenda. But that is something that has been going on forever and noticed since I have been studying history books.

Let’s just hope it is all enough. But the main thing is one needs to discover nuance. Life I guess is a lot like Ilford Delta 400. Between black and white there are so many different shades of grey…

Life should be like a movie…

I wish everyone the happiness they deserve in their lives. Whatever that means for them. And the hopeless romantic in me, if he had a magic wand. He would give it to everyone around the globe… I would wave with my wand and say: Hope you find your soulmate. Or smoke your cigar on that yacht if that is your thing. Or ride your motorcycle. Or find that special coffee. Or supermarkets without lines. Or your cabana at the beach.

But that is not how it works…

You are responsible for your own happiness. And that takes a lot courage…

Years and years ago. Or maybe even when I was a little kid I decided for myself that my life deserves to be like a movie. I always had a overactive imagination. I love that so much in me. Is that a weird thing to say? But yes, it indeed involved finding the love of my life. Traveling the world. And telling amazing tales…

So would that be the cure for the world? Living your life like in the movies?

A horror movie would not be a good idea though haha. Just make it a nice one…

But will you promise me to take that chance?

Life is too short not to.

Don not fade away…

Cris! Will you finally tell the part about the project of your dad!

Calm down… Calm down…

It is my story… My journal… My movie…

So behind this keyboard. Or with my pen or camera. I make the rules…

A flying snowman…

So here it goes…

I had a conversation with my sister a couple of weeks back. And we came to the conclusion that we have nothing left of our father. The reason of that I will keep that to myself. But it was heartbreaking for me and my sister nonetheless.

So I had a idea when I was taking a shower. And the idea was that this story could be like a movie too! And I knew the perfect one…

Ever since I was little I was fascinated with a short movie of a flying snowman. Literally called “The Snowman“. I linked the name to the Wikipedia page. And here is a link to the clip of the song “Walking in the air“.

I think most of you who are around my age and grew up in my part of the world are familiar with this song. You may not know it by title. But I bet as soon as you hear the first words you will remember it instantly.

It is the story about a little boy who meets a snowman and goes on a amazing adventure in the night. And flies aaaaalllll over the snowy country side… Meets his snowman friends and plenty of more creatures. But when he wakes up the next morning…

His best friend in the world…. Melted…

The most toughest task ahead…

My father died when I was three years old. I do not have many memories of him. I remember his funeral and how his casket disappeared into the ground vividly. But despite not having to many memories, in my imagination he was my best friend in the world.

So I am creating the memories I have never had with him. We go on a adventure and meet also plenty of beautiful creatures.

It is going to be very conceptual so that is totally new for me. And therefore a challenge. But I am sure I will succeed because it is made out of love. Also it is going to be a very emotional project for me. But that is good. Some parts of me still need to heal. And confronting it is the only way.

And of course it couldn’t be anything else then a adventure. I mean, all of my fathers. My father and my grandfathers were all adventurers. And so am I!

It is going to take a while…

When will it be done… I don’t know… Good photographic projects take a while. And nowadays people think a project that takes three months is long… I can tell you, that is not long… Salgado or Peter Beard would not shy away from years and years of work…

In the world of instant gratification the long term photographic essay seems forgotten. But it is the only way to make a piece of art that will last for generations ahead.

So it will be done when it is done. And when that time has come I will share it with the world. Some people close to me may see sketches. But that is it.

Isn’t it exciting to see a project when it is done instead of all the updates or shots on Instagram? The surprise we be bigger that way. It makes you stare longer at a photograph. Otherwise it will be lost in the abyss in a second… Because it is not new anymore…

Art is made to be experienced in real life anyway…

And maybe…. Just maybe….

Life is to be experienced in real life anyway….

A end to a story… For now that is…

I like drama. I like dramatic movies… Or books… Or music…

The whole feeling of melancholy gives a experience of a beautiful suffering.

I will link the Fairuz songs at the bottom of the post plus one bonus. And two photographs.

But how to end…

To keep it full of drama… A while back I finished a book named “The Memory Police“ bu Yoko Ogawa. She is a amazing writer. And if you don’t like spoilers don’t read further… Because this story may sort of end the same way…

Me. Cristian Geelen… Sitting here with his laptop… Camera next to him.

Writing about love and life… A pandemic…

And slowly he disappears…

First his hands… Than his nose…

His arms and legs…

His lips and his eyes followed…

Until there is nothing left but his voice and his camera…

And even that…

Is what the wind took away…

~ Cristian

The song of Fairuz I was talking about.

This one is bonus because I think it is super beautiful too.

Mini me and my awesome doggie name Ricky. He would protect me from all the evil in the world.

Adult me with his trusty Nikon. Able to squat a horse and about to rip his pants again. Waiting until he can go on adventures…

My COVID-19 notes... And a heart that broke.

It was Ramadan 2017…

It was Ramadan 2017… Sitting in a taxi to the bus station of the city of Esfahan, Iran…

The taxi driver was an old man. Beautiful aged and had his nice vest on. Big old man belly. And a big old smile to accompany it.

On our way to the bus station his favorite song played on the radio and he was singing along. And wanted to show me his singing skills.

We didn’t speak the same language but understood each other. And it was one of those moments where you realize what traveling is all about.

The feeling of reading a thousand books in one second.

The feeling of answering your soul’s calling.

The feeling of that this moment is worth all the trouble you went through to get there.

I should have taken his portrait…

“I should have taken his portrait…” Is what I was thinking when I got on the bus… Next time… Next magical moment…

Emotions and practicality took overhand because me not speaking Farsi and trying to find the right bus among 50+ buses was quite the task. And like everyone in a strange country and want to go to your next destination, you want to be in the right one. Luckily so many sweet people around, and they guided me towards the right one.

Onward to my next destination, Shiraz…

The place place of the amazing Bagheri family and spaghetti ice cream…

A pandemic happened…

There is no going around it. The entire world is affected. Everything is at a stand still. And for a good reason of course.

When the press conference in the Netherlands at March 12th started, out of the blue a thunderstorm erupted. It was almost a scene of a movie where the thunder signaled the severity of the case and made sure we knew from now on the world would never be the same again.

Waking up…

One of the following mornings I woke up and I looked at my phone. There were a lot of text messages… They made me feel special and blessed. They were from friends from all over the world. Some from India, Iran, Myanmar, Colombia, France, Germany, the US, Jerusalem, the West-Bank…

I started to text them all back of course. And I texted all of the other people that immediately popped into my mind. I just wanted to know they are safe.

They are all okay. Thank god.

When it all lands…

My monkey mind where I always talk and write about was pondering again during the course of the morning…

And at that moment I got sad.

We all know the effects of things like these. And we already know all of the answers. But that moment when the man with the hammer comes and hits you over the head with it always comes to make it land a little bit harder. And there are so much layers to it.

Of course it sucks, for me as a individual that I cannot work on my documentary projects again all over the world. And sucks is an understatement. I worked all my life the come to this point and was not given a dime or didn’t receive any help getting there. I created that life for me, from nothing, and totally on my own, from a life where I had literally nothing.

Nothing was given. Everything was earned.

Seeing all things crumble before your eyes where you worked so hard for because of something that is out of your control just plainly fucking sucks.

But it is not important and totally not part of the point I am trying to make.

As a good stoic you know it is not under control. Will I be able to continue my projects this year? Or next year? I will dust myself off and try again when it is possible and rebuild.

It briefly passed my mind…

The feeling I describe above was actually a fraction of the thoughts I was having. And they went away when I was given a more important thought.

I am so lucky that I live here in the Netherlands. Where everything is efficient and well organized. And so is the COVID-19 response.

But what about all the people that are more vulnerable? Or people that I have met all over the globe that literally live in different worlds? The refugees? The ingenious people? All the others?

That was the moment my heart broke…

A lot of people are defenseless all over the world. I spoke to a friend who works for a aid organisation and she told me that it would be disastrous if the virus would hit the refugee camps.

And that would be the same for a lot of other places.

People are already without food after just a couple of days and weeks into the global lock-down. And a lot of people earn their money with the small business that they have, and feed their families with that money. There are mostly no savings. And what they got is what they have. So if they can’t earn. That means there is no food.

One can’t imagine how it is to go days without food and not knowing when there will be a next opportunity to get your next meal again.

Can’t drive your taxi, no income. Can’t sell your falafel, no income. Can’t sell your slippers, no income.

No income means no food. And you know what happens after that…

It was just one of the many thoughts I was having. And the scenarios were endless…

So many things to think about. And it is easy to get lost into a negative spiral your mind takes you. But it is a reality. Unemployed rates in the US have been about 20+ million. And I don’t know how many business in the Netherlands will survive.

Spain, Iran, and Italy had soaring death rates.

And the list goes on and on…

It really makes me sad. And even strong Dutch guys can shed a tear every once in a while.

So now what…

I don’t know…

I always have plenty of answers for every situation. But this time I haven’t. I wish I had. Things are looking good at this side of the world. Numbers of infection are going down. And luckily all of my friends at all the other sides over the world are safe. I am grateful for that.

And hopefully all the beautiful people I haven’t met yet are safe too.

I want to meet you one day…

It helped to get my mind out of that negative spiral of pondering.

Reflect…

It is a good moment for reflection though. Doesn’t matter who you are. To realize what is important and what isn’t. And maybe to focus to make the world a better place not only now. But also when all of this is over. Strive for happiness, whatever that means to you.

Make new connections with people, or repair them if that one is important to you. Or even break them if they are not healthy for you.

A lighter reflection moment. I never realized how many times I touch my nose during the day…

And also if there isn’t a better time to take photographs of your loved ones or situation (safely and responsible of course) and talk to your everyone that is important to you, it is now.

Let them know how you feel.

And I should really take more photograph in a casual setting too I just realized while uploading some phone photos to add to this post. Not just professional ones. But also the fun ones are important.

As far as photography goes. I am printing a lot more. Gave my darkroom a upgrade. And try to photograph and document they situation as much as possible.

So why am I writing…

Well first of all I am a story teller with traveling engraved in it’s soul. I really miss it… I really do…

But I cannot change it. And maybe I will write a future blog post why it is so important. Makes you learn. And how my grandfathers played a big role in it. They were real life Indiana Jones’s. That is for sure.

Writing is also a way to cope for me. Writing is good. If it is either writing in your journal just for your own, or a blog post.

So yes, right now I am coping. Writing. Venting. And dealing with this.

Like everyone else is doing…

Every story should have a ending…

The end of this write up is reminding me of a beautiful person that I know got upset because the movie Vertigo didn’t give any closure when the movie was over. (I love her for that fact alone.)

How and why Scottie did what he did, and Judy and the bell tower… Pfff… Yeah that was a moment in cinema history…

So for now closure in this story is that it, for me, now, is just documenting this situation. Writing. Venting. And put what my monkey mind is thinking into words or images.

If you have any book suggestions, maybe leave a comment. I am looking for new reading material.

The bigger story is still ongoing…

Be safe…

And everything will be fine in the end. And if it isn’t fine… It isn’t the end…

~ Cristian

When the Bagheri family dropped me off at the bus station when I was leaving Shiraz again.

Having tea on my birthday with Moly and her family.

A two hour talk with Mohammed about life, faith, and everything in between…

I am the richest man in the world... The story about me in Myanmar.

Cris you are the richest man in the world…

That is what she said when we ended lunch. Or at least something similar… It doesn’t matter in the end though. It is what she meant what counts.

A cold Saturday back in the Netherlands and she finally gave me the words that I needed to start writing again. I has been a while since my last decent story. But that is okay. It was a busy time.

Just returned back form Myanmar photographing one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. What a trip…

I left…

*Note: Some photographs, and people I want to thank at the bottom.*

At the beginning of October I left the Netherlands to go on my adventure. Objective of the adventure: Try to tell the story of the indigenous tribes in Myanmar and how they deal with modern times.

First a small stop in Bangkok and from Bangkok I flew to Yangon, Myanmar. Too many airports, especially because I was traveling with a ton of film. But luckily all of the customs where so nice. Especially in Asia. They noticed me standing in line with my big see through bags full of film and my film was hand checked as soon as I got through customs myself. The airport in France on the other hand… They need to work on their manners a bit… But that is story is for another time… CDG, you suck.

In Bangkok I stocked up on even some more film and I was ready to go. For the people that are interested in what cameras I brought. It was my trusty Nikon FM2n and a old Yashica Mat 124G. As a back-up I brought my Nikon D810. A digital one. But that camera has never left my bag. My mind was determent this was going to be a analog only trip. If they could do it in the old days, it could be done now. And so I did.

Arriving in Yangon…

My arrival could have gone better. As soon as I got in the taxi I started feeling sick… What could it be… I never get sick… I shared the taxi with a girl which I have met at the airport and I tried to keep myself in order. Cracked open the window to get some fresh air, but with all the rain and thunder going on it was not the smartest of ideas.

As soon as I arrived in my hostel the food poisoning which I apparently had, kicked into fifth gear. Locking myself up in the toilet was the only option. Too bad the hostel turned off the water right at that exact moment.

Fuck.

Preparing for my last leg…

After being knocked off my feet for almost two days I got outside to get some fresh air and bought some Royal D. That is some sort of electrolyte drink and I needed that. I was so dehydrated… What I didn’t need was to be in a bumpy bus later that day, but I had no choice. I had to. Loikaw was up, and I just really wanted to go there. My final destination.

Luckily I met a super cool guy in the bus. And what do you know. I ran into him on the way back too.

The country had so many similarities to all the other countries I have been… And as soon as I arrived at the bus station right outside of the city it immediately felt like I was in Iran.

The whole country for me was the perfect combination of the kindness of the people of Iran, the amazing food of Vietnam, and the energy of the streets of India…

Beautiful…

Faith and a doorway to a store full of Longyi…

There she was. Standing in the doorway of a shop that sold longyis. A super big smile on her face, and so on mine. A split second was only needed before we recognized each other.

Victoria…

One of the beautiful souls that helped me so much on my way. Without her… I think most of my project would have failed. Or at least more difficult.

Professional photographer!!! it sounded!

Aaaaaaaah Victoria! So good to finally see you for real!

We exchanged a lot of messages over WhatsApp before my arrival and how she could have be of help. I ended up at random at one of her stores. I just went for a stroll to check out the city and stretch my legs, so faith decided I would meet her immediately without even texting her.

I love faith.

Me and the Chinese motorbike…

As stubborn sometimes I can be the first day I got myself a Chinese motorbike. Victoria warned me not to take that one. But me being Dutch and wanting to save money made me decide to take that one.

My ass did not thank me for that decision…

I took the motorcycle to drive to one of the first villages. It is not allowed to stay in the villages overnight, which I think is a really good thing. So the plan was to drive every morning to at least one of them and drive back before sunset.

But as unpredictable as life is… So was the rest of my journey…

Let me tell you about Moly…

Hair braided and hanging to the side with an umbrella in hand she walked towards me and asked me: Are you Cris?

The only thing I could think was she was like a beautiful young princess that could have walked right out of a Disney movie. Young and and early in her twenties I noticed she was the only one wearing western style dress…

Yes yes… I am Cris! I answered…

You must be Moly?

Moly was my interpreter in the village. I was so happy I immediately ran into her. This because after enjoying the beautiful landscapes of Myanmar I got lost, and it started to rain like Odin cried his heart out. The poncho I brought did it’s job perfectly. Camera dry, and my body too. My feet not so much, and so weren’t my glasses.

An interpreter is needed because all of the villages of the indigenous people around the country of Myanmar have their own language.

We were standing in the middle of the road, a soccer match to the left, a garrison of armed soldiers on the right. And us discussing what my plan was for the day and maybe the days later, and was I was to expect.

She hopped on the back of my Chinese motorbike the same way an amazon warrior does and told me to drive out of the village to one further away…

And so we drove…

Mulon…

I was honored to meet and have a talk with Mulon… She was one of the grandmothers of the village. She was cooking rice and preparing food for the community so Moly and I joined her for the cooking.

But what do you talk about?

I mean I am sort of good in conversation. And I have seen a lot in my life… But if you arrive finally at the place you have been preparing for, for a long time. And also, let’s be honest, seeing an old but beautiful woman with a neck almost twice the size as mine, I mean… That made me a little bit lost for words.

But after a short while the first jokes were cracked. And in the end we talked about everything that life is about.

The beauty is. And I think one of lessons you always learn no matter where you go in the world. We have more in common than we think, and we all long for the same things in life…

We ended with a portrait session…

Evil spirits…

I said goodbye to Moly for the day and made plans to return upcoming days. Because in an instant, this place already captured my heart.

Victoria made sure I was going to other places. Thank god for Victoria. I think I almost would have lived there already. So good of her that she kicked my ass into gear. Also she got me a way better motorbike.

So one of the mornings I went to the farthest place away… It was a three hour ride over mountain roads that were not always that good anymore. So a driver was needed. To share costs I joined a Spanish blogger, Manuela. And two young vibrant Burmese women, Sandar and Marina.

I cannot describe where we ended up in but it was so amazing. I think it was way to describe all of the times I arrived at a new places.

Manuela was put into traditional clothing, and off we went to the courtyard of a house in the middle of the village.

Pot and pans everywhere. A dead pig in some burning bushes. And than it started…

There was some commotion…

A rifle shot…

Playing of drums began…

The shaman was doing his ceremony with spear and shield, walking on the beat of the drum. And on some of the drum beats, more rifle fire.

They were old rifles… So old and bent, I think if you want to go out and shoot something with it you will probably hit yourself in the foot. Or any other place other than the target.

But that is okay. For the ceremony it did exactly what it had to do…

The shaman was doing all of this to get the evil spirits away from the house. Catch them. Put them in a basket with some bamboo strips and chicken bones. And bury it outside of the village where they can do no to anyone.

At one moment more rice wine…

My stomach still wasn’t settled but I drank it anyway. I mean, you only live once… And I actually quite like it. And luckily it is without alcohol I learned later. That’s a good thing… Because a couple of days later on my birthday I drank a lot more!

Fuck, it’s my birthday…

My phone started ringing early in the morning… It was Victoria.

Happpppppppyyyy Biiirrtthhdaayyy Crrriiiissss!!!

She remembered and she was actually the first one to congratulate me. Later that day she was also responsible for one of the three times I celebrated it.

I never celebrate it like a normal Dutch person does. I like it and don’t like it at the same time. I always try to be away but with Victoria around there was no escaping it.

But I had to put some clothes on… Super excited. Because I was going back to the first village and meet up with Moly and her grandmother.

Moly’s grandmother was not alone. She brought her best friend… Phaw…

For my birthday we went to their favorite place. A rice field somewhere in the mountains. It was quite the walk, but those two grandmothers walked like the wind. 78 and 74 years old but so strong and agile.

At one point we ran into a cow herder and he asked Moly where they hid me. This because I was so big in comparison to the locals and it is not allowed to stay there overnight. I had to laugh. In the Netherlands I am just normal… At least my length. My body is still that of an Olympic Weightlifter.

Soul Sisters…

They told me some amazing stories during the walk. The one I remember most vividly is that of when they were young they both had the dream of marrying a boy from the same village so they can stay together forever. And so they did… Still together as best friends in the same village…

Well if that isn’t the most beautiful and romantic story you have ever heard I just don’t know anymore…

True soul sisters and they found a way to stay together trough all of the difficult times and conflict the country has known…

The rest of the day we spend on the porch and drank some rice wine. Moly has secretly gotten me a gift gift for my birthday. A handmade scarf she made herself. It is just a gem. But what she didn’t realize, is that spending my day with her, having lunch with her family, drinking wine was the best gift I could ever have…

Even when the little kids asked me if I was in an accident because my entire body was covered in Thanaka. I was completely sunburned by now. And it was the only thing that helped.

I had to laugh a bit.

No I am fine haha. It is just a sunburn.

Time passes on…

Like I always say… Time is the most precious commodity in the world. It can’t be stopped or bought… And you can only spend it once…

That makes the rest of the day even more special. Victoria showed up at the restaurant with the biggest birthday cake I have ever had. Literally I never had such a big one! My name was on it and even a camera. How in the name of god could she have fixed that so quickly!

Time can maybe never be stopped. But these are memories I will forever carry with me…

End of my main objective…

The rest of my remainder of my time I continued photographing as much I could find of the local villages and there was gas in my motorbike. I you have any clue how difficult that is. Normal street photography rules don’t apply if you step into a different world. Not if you want to tell their real story and to be honorable about your work at the same time. Photographs are always given…

The story is also far from over…

Villages with dragon hats, got stung by a bee in my eye, got lost again…

But at one point I had to travel back…

Back to the biggest city of the country…

Back to the former capital…

I shed a little tear when I said goodbye and off I went, back into the night bus…

But it was not all bad. Met up with Sandar again and also gave me a birthday present and took me out for dinner. My third birthday party!!!

Had some amazing conversations with Natalia which I have also met in Yangon. And also Tyler my beer guzzling Australian buddy.

Time to relax after. After all my Holiday sort of started now I was done…

So Cris, will you ever come to the “you are the richest man in the world” part?

I will no worries…

If you have made it this far you have sincerely earned it…

Thank you for that…

The story so far sounds amazing. And honestly by itself it is a once in a lifetime experience. And I could already measure my richness in just this trip. But you probably have discovered that richness for me is not in money…

One of the topics discussed during the lunch is also being proud of who you are and that it is allowed to let it be part of your story… And also that it is allowed to be proud of yourself.

If I look at my life in retrospect I have plenty to be proud of and not in an arrogant kind of way. But I have never stood still for real about that. I mean I know it, but I also know nothing more than grinding… Working hard… Because in my monkey mind that is the only way to achieve my dreams…

My dad dying…

So let me tell you a little bit about myself…

My dad dying was and is still a big reason why I do what I do. Maybe it is also my souls path. But still…

I was only three years old when it happened but thinking of it now makes me remember his funeral very vividly… His coffin, how hard I cried, and the people I sought comfort with.

After my dad died my stepfather did something so atrocious to one of my family members we had to run away in an instant and were literally without a home for a while…

Of course sleeping at your grandparents and uncle at one point is still a roof. But still it’s not a good and healthy way to grow up.

When our family has been through many court sessions and other things we finally found a place for ourselves in the worst neighborhood of the city I lived in.

Waking up from gunshots… Stepping over junkies in the morning to grab my bike to go to school… No money…

The mailman even got beat up. And my gym owner learned me how to shave.

Growing up like that with literally nothing. I was so driven to make most of my life. That of course came with a shitload of mistakes. But the drive was always there. Working, training hard, studying. All at the same time. Too bad days only contained 24 hours… I made myself a promise to escape that life if it was the last thing I did.

And so I did…

I did so many things I am proud of but these are the ones I want to mention.

I achieved something later in age in Olympic Weightlifting I thought I would never do when I picked up my first barbell when I was fifteen.

And became an successful IT engineer at one of the best companies in my country. The same company also gave me the opportunity to follow my dreams to become a photographer and work part time for them.

Even learned to play three instruments and played in an awesome metal band and did some awesome shows.

And now, traveling the world…

With my camera…

As a storyteller, meeting nothing but beautiful souls along the way…

How in gods name can I not be the richest man in the world?…

~ Cristian

Some special mentions I have to make after this story. And if I forgot you. Don’t worry. You are indeed in my heart.

Victoria. Moly. Sandar. Natalia. Sai Arkar Min Tun. William. Marina. Manuela. Stephan. Leonard. Kaitlin. Nick. Lukas. Tyler. Luiza. James. Batman. Sky… My friends back-home. Tino & Alina. Wing. Eelco.

Without you nothing of this was possible.

*Note: Some photographs below. Working on these kind of projects is hard and is not free despite it is super cool to do. And also shooting analog makes it even more expensive and difficult. I still have to work on the side you know… I know my art is not affordable for everyone but there are so many way to support me. Share my name. Share a post or article. Buy a digital print which is cheaper. The options are endless. But please do not distribute my photographs without my consent. In the end when I have developed everything and the editing process will be done it will be up as a project and some handmade, high-end fine art prints will also be available.*

Some phone snaps…

Featured on Emulsive

Hey everyone!

I couldn’t think of a better start of the weekend than seeing my ongoing and ever changing project, Neshama Sheli being featured on the Emulsive website!

Go check it out here!

Emulsive is one of the coolest analog photography websites out there. And being on it makes me super happy.

Thanks again for giving me a stage, EM.

While you are at it. There is only three days left on my IndieGoGo crowdfunding campaign. Which can be found here.

Every little helps me making future projects possible.

~ Cristian

Coffee in the old city of Jerusalem, Sore feet, and defining your why...

Like I promised…

My feet are still tired… Writing this laying on my couch rolled up like a hamster ready for bed. Banging out this blog post that I have promised to you all.

But you have to forgive me. A lot has happened since I got back home. You know… Life… And all of it happened at the same time. Even squeezed in a couple of shoots and one of them was a lomography one.

But it is all for the greater good. Telling stories!

Heading straight for the coffee…

The time has come. Finally working again on my long term project “Neshama Sheli“. I was so happy yo be on the plane again.

As soon as I arrived I could not help myself my friend Issam. He has the best coffee house in the entire of country. I totally forgot it was Friday and that he is closed on Fridays. The stroopwafels I have brought him had to wait a day extra…

So that meant walking around Jerusalem until my feet hurt. That last part happened for sure since I walked 62KM in the first couple of days!

That does not seem much spread over a amount of time. But with all the hills up and down it was actually quite the walk.

Before I forget…

Since the reason why you have stumbled upon my blog probably is photography. Some of you might think it is interesting what stuff I have brought.

Well… That is easy. Not much…

Two bodies. One analog, one digital. The analog a Nikon FM2n. The digital, a Nikon D810.

I always prefer analog but sometimes digital is more practical.

Film, I bought that when I got there. The whole reason is that it is more practical and is also part of my research. The downside of that is that you have to do with what you find. I have found a lot of Kodak. That is not bad. I am a Ilford guy when it comes to Black and White. But I will never complain if Kodak Tri-X is the one that is available. And who cares in the end anyway. They both rule.

Oh, and only three lenses. Two 35mm’s. One Sigma Art for the D810. And a Nikon 35mm Nikon F1.8 ai. Also my Carl Zeiss 50mm.

This keeps it small. And even got room in my day pack for underpants and protein bars.

And in my opinion. If you can’t do it with one lens you need to be more proficient.

But enough about gear. It really is not important. It just does not need to break down and that is it. That does not mean I don’t love a beautiful camera. But getting your hours in and the reason why is way more important.

My why…

The first what I thought when I got back home was: Now I understand! Not the situation, but more the whole reason why some of my photographic heroes were working on a project for like ten years or something.

I guess that is also the whole reason why you “why” is so important. The “why“ is always important. Just to keep that perseverance to keep rocking when all your chips are down. Even Simon Sinek wrote his best selling book about that subject.

I do this because of: And fill in the blanks...

I frees my mind…

It gives my emotions a place…

I love him or her…

It gives me inner peace…

It is easy to do things when they are fun. But if you are in in for the long haul… Your “why” better be a good damn good one.

You still haven’t told me yours…

One of my favorite poets (Rumi) has a quote: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray” .

If you are following me for a while you know I do everything by gut feeling. But there is also a explainable part of this all…

Despite I am a social creature it also feels for me I am a little bit of an odd one. And fitting in is not really my thing, nor I feel I have ever did. I really don’t like stuff a lot of “normal“ people like. And I have the strangest urge to make sense out of that strange journey that is called life. If that makes any kind of sense at all…

So if I want to makes sense to any of it why not go to the region that is the origin of the three big modern religions… And so I did three years a go. It seemed like a good place to start.

Photography in the end is a search within yourself…

I never expected during the first time I went there it would become plenty of more times. Every country that I come I fall in love with. But somehow, this place…

The first time I stood in front of the western wall I even cried a little. And I am not even Jewish. I am as Dutch as I can be.

But also the Dome of the rock quiet down my ever going monkey mind. And the church of the holy sepulcher had certain calm.

So many stories… So many people… All of them with a why…

But there is more…

No worries… My passion of explaining things goes beyond Israel and the Palestinian territories. I want to see the whole world. And I have gotten quite far already.

The drive is bigger…

The world is an amazing place. And we can learn so much from each other. If we somehow get those stories across imagine where we can be! Colombia, Japan, Indonesia! It is all still on the list.

So many people to talk to… So much things to learn… And ergo, so many stories to tell…

I use photography as my medium.

So that is sort of my “why“…

Things I ran into…

It is so super interesting how being social differs from place to place all across the globe. The whole plan was to talk to as many people as possible instead of just doing random street photography. Because street photography alone just doesn’t cut it.

It is cool to do. Of course! But if you want to give your work more depth talking to people is the only way.

Well… That part is easier said than done. There are of course plenty of people. But in comparison to for example Vietnam or India, or Iran it was a bit more difficult to start a casual conversation. I had to work for it… In other countries people somehow automatically come to me. But in Jerusalem it was more like home. Other areas were more easy.

But was I satisfied when I got back home? Not not really… But like I said earlier… Now I understand why things take so long!

Not that I have not met some beautiful people. I did! If some of you will read the blog you know who you are.

The story continues…

I focused mainly around Jerusalem and Bethlehem again. This mainly because my train of thought was because of it was just after pesach (passover), Ramadan started, and memorial day was also happening. And most of the stories were hopefully developing around those places. Plus it is just a nice place to be and Jerusalem is centrally located to everywhere you want to go.

But I think next time I will roam around a bite more. Or rent a car or something.. I don’t know. That is stuff for future Cris.

Aida and Dheisheh refugee camp…

I was here last time too. And I could of course not be in the neighborhood without saying hello to my friend, Omar. He lives in the Dheisheh refugee camp and is an artist and musician.

I went though the same checkpoint as last year. The same one where I have written about last year (link here).

It has changed… A lot!

Checkpoint 300. Instead of going though a regular gate there is a building now where you have to go through. Still turnstiles. Still the cattle like exit. And still the annoying cab drivers in the end.

We chatted a lot. About life, love, girls, music… His car that he had to turn in because it was illegal. That story was a bit funny. Sorry man haha…

It is so interesting how much our lives differ and in so much aspects are so the same. For him the water truck comes once every thirty days if he is lucky… I can just open the tap. But still, we both like waffles and are afraid of spiders.

He also told me he started working out. Better have some gainz next time I am there bro!

At the graveyard…

Apparently we are not only afraid of spiders… He wanted to show a martyrs graveyard. And like the name says, it is a graveyard where the local martyrs are being buried.

We had to be quiet because there was a young woman mourning. Here brother was killed not that long ago. And every day she was there because she missed him a lot. This was one of the moments you have to put your camera away and just let someone be…

We wanted to give our tired feet some rest so we sat down on a bench, but a humongous queen bee suddenly showed up and we both yelled like little girls and ran off. That beast was enormous!

After we came to a safe distance we pretended the bee had nothing on. Like the young cool kids do…

Memorial Day…

My blog post has no structure at all this time. But hey… what can you do!

A couple of days later it was memorial day… There are quite some similarities with the memorial day we have in the Netherlands. We just have one siren and stay quiet for two minutes to remember the atrocities of the second world war, and the fallen since then. In Israel you have two sirens. Because it literally is a day. First one was the preceding evening at 20:00 and the second one at 11:00 in the morning…

The entire city and country stops what they are doing.

This was also one of my moments of getting back to reality. If you stay somewhere for a while things start to get normal.

My lasagna theory…

Earlier that week about 250+ rockets were fired from the Gaza strip, and it wasn’t on my mind already.

I dubbed this my lasagna theory. I like lasagna a lot! But if you every day it starts to get normal and it is not special anymore. You get used to it…

From my own country I am used to stop the car or motorbike on the side of the road and everyone is most of the time respectful… And what I do is I try to remember the people that are important to me that are no longer here. And say thank you.

It was this moment where you realize that I was in an area where not everyone could get along. Of course the Israeli - Palestinian conflict is still active and that’s the reason not everyone participated in the moment of silence. You can probably can guess the reason why.

It was a teaching moment for myself and made me more curious. Is it ever going to end? Will they ever get along? Will there ever be an end to the conflict? And what can we learn from all of this in the rest of the world?

But what now…

By now it is already three days later since I have started writing… The rain has started falling down. Thunder is coming. And there are plenty strips of film waiting for me to be printed… And the official project page needs to be updated. All the editing…

Believe me. I have plenty of anecdotes.

But writing long blog posts always leaves me with more questions. And I will write more on a later moment.

All I know is I had a great and interesting time again. And I have met some beautiful souls along the way. Bracha, Issam, they woman from television in Japan, Omar, Jared. The dudes from Japan. And all the other people I spoke to. Thanks for everything.

Jerusalem. I hope to see you soon again… You give me a home away from home…

Neshama Sheli. You are indeed important to me. You are a part of my soul…

One last thing…

One last thing that remains… Is figuring out what the band was I was dancing to at the Mahane Yehuda market in the evening… “Feel it in my brain“ and plenty of others songs. I danced my ass off! So if anyone has a clue… Please let me know! That song made me happy. :)

- Cristian

Playing with color...

I am a lover…

I am a lover of Black and White photography…

If I had to pick my soul apart and examine that little bit that is responsible for photography you will find out it will consist out of bit and pieces of Ilford Delta 400 or HP5+ and Kodak Tr-X. DDX and HC110.

But in that whole mess of Black, White, and all the shades of grey, there is a secret part that loves color.

Seduced by the wonderful tones of Steve McCurry and his Kodachrome. A mistress of the vibes of William Eggleston. Or a unspoken connection with the works of Harry Gruyaert.

So got myself some rolls of color film. Just because I felt like it!

I have got my hand on some Cinestill 50D and Kodak Ektar. And luckily for a short while there was no shortage of light. Did some casual roaming around. And had no real structure whatsoever. Just photographed everything that peaked my interest. I mean, I will be traveling in a couple of weeks again to work more on my ever evolving Israel project. So casual and just having fun is all I needed for now.

And it was fun! I mean, everyone knows that shooting analog is always a surprise. And way more difficult than digital. Also you don’t have the luxury of your back screen. But in comparison to Black and White you have to think in color.

So I tried to look for some colorful scenes and just clicked away.

Because most of the all color that I did shot lately was digital I was quite excited! So curious what the end results was... I was particularly excited for the Kodak Ektar. No specific reason. I just love the vibe of it, if that is reason enough. I am not very good at describing color pallets…

Me and my big bucket…

Since I do all of my developing myself I developed these rolls myself too. And in comparison to Black and White development I actually think color is more easy. With Black and White you can influence a lot by tweaking your entire developing process. From agitation to different developers and all of it you can think of. With color it is more straightforward and you can fuck less up.

The biggest challenge with color I think is getting everything to 38 degrees Celsius.

If you have followed my Instagram stories of that day. You might have noticed I have used a nifty little trick for that… If you are curious. Well… I guess you just have to follow my Instagram stories in the future to find that out haha.

Pushing it…

No this is not a reference to a Salt-N-Pepa song. But I did pushed it real good! To 400 to be exact. I think I only shot one roll at box speed. That was one of the cinestills’. But since I always like to push it, and 50 and 100 ASA is really not enough. I was like; screw it! Crank it up!

Added 30 seconds per stop to the developing time and it all went down as smoothly as a nice IPA on a sunny day. Or any other day…

Happy as a camper…

When I scanned the results I was indeed happy as a camper. It all looked wonderful and especially the reds really seem to stand out. This is why I shoot film… The smile on my face when you get the rolls out of your tank and seeing you film dry and after that the end result in an beautiful image. Or a sucky one when you screw up haha.

I would have loved to print some, but at home I can only do Black and White printing. I will look at that process maybe at a later time.

Wrapping it up…

Not wanting to make thing one a too long of a post, so I am going to wrap it up. Like I wrote in the beginning, I am about to work on my project again in a couple of weeks. And I need to get everything ready. So here are a couple of images of the rolls. Not all of them, otherwise there is noting left to share at a later moment…

So thank you for reading. And since you have made it this far. Here are the images.

- Cristian

Kodak Ektar 100 EI 400.

CInestill 50D EI 400.

Kodak Ektar 100 EI 400.

Cinestill 50D EI 400.

Cinestill 50D EI 400.

Cinestill 50D EI 400.

Cinestill 50D.

Kodak Ektar 100 EI 400.

Kodak Ektar 100 EI 400.

Andante - Portrait series of the soul. No 2. - Reham

Andante…

Or in other words… Slow…

A musical term that means slow. And also the name of my portrait series.

I found it on the cover of an vinyl LP record I inherited from my father and the music on it was exactly how I felt. And even represents a side of me. Of course I have a happy side. But my other one is full of romance, love, sadness and melancholy. I embraced it and love it very much.

The name: Symphonie Espagnole, Op. 21 IV. Andante.

I wrote about it in an earlier blog post which you can find here.

Time…

For me it represents time… When you are doing something you like or love and are having a good time it flies by, and when you are going through hardship or have to wait for something it goes as slow as it can be. But time is only to spend once…

That’s why it is so valuable.

Reham…

This portrait series I just want to do by gut feeling. And that is how I choose the person I ask to photograph. I was thinking for a long time about whom I could make my second part of the series with. Than at one moment, I woke up in the morning I was thinking about Reham. I knew I wanted to photograph her for a long time but the puzzle pieces never connected until now.

Reham is a beautiful young soul of Palestinian descent that was born in Syria as a refugee but was unable to reuturn home. From Syria she went to Dubai, Lebanon, Egypt, and Turkey, before eventually ending up here in the Netherlands. Now studying computer science at one of the best universities of our country.

She is one smart cookie.

I’ve met her during a diner named “Diner voor gelukzoekers“ (Diner for fortune seekers) a couple of years a go hosted by Roos. The woman in the first version of this series. Everything is connected.

My process….

So how does that translate to my photography? Well… As you can see in the first one. It is full of people passing by as souls. And in this one… Trying to capture it. This through a medium of analog film instead of digital. A slower process of manual focusing and metering and developing it myself. Also, during that slowness I wanted to capture more…

I wanted to capture her power!

Her heart.

And eventually her soul…

A young powerful woman that is youthful and experienced at the same time. So after a couple of hours wandering through her hometown I think we succeeded. And during the editing process I ended up with four frames which I thought that would show everything perfectly.

What EI I shot it at or which film I used is not important. Except maybe that I always use Ilford for everything. With some exceptions of course. Other than that giving someone a safe space to open up is way more important.

The rest is not only film chemistry, but chemistry between you and the soul you are photographing.

So hereby…

So hereby. My second part of Andante - Portrait series of the soul.

- Cristian

Digital vs Analog, Israel, testing stuff, and other project updates.

Hey everyone!

This blog post is not really a dedicated story about something particular. But more of a quick sum up of everything that is going on. I will address my photography and I will be addressing a little bit of my travel plans and projects that I am preparing.

So I am putting on some Tool (The band) and just write away!

And at the end some images… And yes. Even some color… As a reward for reading through everything haha.

That analog life…

If you have been following me you probably noticed that I am getting more and more into analog photography. Not that there is anything wrong with digital, but I just think it is tons of fun!

For everything is a time and a place though.

It started out with just pure curiosity. How it works, and aesthetically it is just amazing. For me there are too many variables in digital photography if you are really into the whole mega post-processed stuff. But I am more of a documentary photographer anyway. So it is not that bad. But I remembered when I started and before I have found my voice photographically the amount of stuff what you can do and achieve are almost limitless. That can be a advantage… But for me… It is not… The less of distractions in my gear the better.

With analog I pick a film that goes with my subject matter. Of course you need to do some post processing. That part is not different. Unlike some people like to believe. But your base is just different. And because of that I can focus more on my composition instead of being a Lightroom warrior.

Sitting in a Ferrari…

The fun thing is. After you have shot analog for a while as soon as I grab my digital camera it feels like I am sitting in a Ferrari. Everything goes so quickly! You can review what you are doing, not to worry about a full roll, auto focus all of sudden… Man! Like a hot knife though butter!

I already mentioned this once before. But every-time it gives me more and more respect of the photographers from the golden age and all of my heroes. In comparison shooting analog is just goddamn difficult!

Shades of grey…

The world is not black and white like photographs, but situations are as grey as they come. Same in the case of photography. And specifically; what do I bring on my upcoming project…

I will be traveling to Israel and the Palestinian territories again at the end of April. Continuing with my everlasting story I want to tell.

And despite I want to shoot most of it analog. The thing that is going through my mind is.

Is it practical?

If you have ever been to for example Jerusalem. The amount of detectors you have to go though is enormous. And the last thing I want is that my film is getting screwed up by all the scanners and stuff. Of course on the airport you can ask for hand checks. And as you have read in my Vietnam and China blog, it is not really a problem. But I just don’t want to take the risk. Because if I lost any of my images again I definitely get a heart attack or something. It happened already to me last year and, I don’t want to happen it again.

In the end my heart will probably kick my brains ass and I will bring digital and analog anyway.

Lomography…

Speaking of grey… I have been picked by Lomography to test their new Postdam Kino 100 film. From what I have seen it looks like an amazing film. It is inspired by old German cinema. And from the images I have seen what they have shot I am actually really curious what it will give me.

The only thing is, because it is 100 ASA I need a lot more sunlight. And the Netherlands is still grey…

But as soon as I shot it I will dedicate a blog post to it. So stay tuned for that…

Developing stuff…

Lately I have written a lot about developing. Especially on Instagram. And filming it to and such. But I am trying to keep it on my own blog to a minimum.

The whole reason for that…

I just want this about the art of photography and my adventures. Projects I am doing. And even maybe a sort of diary with things that come to my mind. Not one of the many gear or technical blog that are out there.

I am a photographer first. The rest is just bonus…

I do like I said, share that stuff in my Instagram. That whole platform is as contemporary as it can be. It has it’s uses. So that seems like the right place for that.

Also you probably will on some guest blogs that I am going to write. And have written already. You can find one on 35mmc. I have written a 5 frames with. Go check it out if you like! Click here.

There are also some other ones in development. But I will let you all know as soon as that will materializes.

Searching for stories…

After I return from Israel and the Palestinian territories and processed all of my work I will be looking for another place to travel to. No idea which one yet. But I am doing plenty of research. Nepal, Papua New-Guinea and Uzbekistan are on my list. But it always can change.

I am open for suggestions though. So if you have some. The comment section is open, so you can always drop a comment if you want.

The stipulation is. I do need to have a story to tell. The main focus is that I want to steer my work towards that I create more depth in my images. Not only with composition. But also ,it needs to be about something. Otherwise it will be just one of the many millions out there. I need to get out of that street photography flow and more into my documentary photo-journalistic flow.

So I am looking for events that are happening. Some special festivals. Tribes or (sub)cultures. It’s a difficult task. But hey, if you want that your work means something…

Ramble on…

Not the famous song of Led Zeppelin, but this time it is me that is starting to ramble again. So it is time to close the lid of my laptop and go to bed. Because I am finishing this story up on a Saturday night…

Oh!

And I bought a “new“ enlarger for my darkroom. Time to print!

Alright. This really was it. For now at least!

- Cristian

Ilford Delta 400

Ilford Delta 400

One of my few color shots lately.

And another color one.

A quick date with Kodak Tri-X.

Leftover rolls…

I thought it was a good idea to write more about some of my processes. And especially when I shoot something different than regular. Of course I would rather give you constant travel and adventure updates. But unlike the internet likes you to believe, real life is not always like that.

I shoot both digital and analog. But all of the experimenting you can do with film is just so much fun! Of course when I shoot with film I have my preferences. I just love Ilford and particular HP5+ 400. For me it is the perfect film. But sometimes I just have to try out new stuff.

And in that case, old stuff. Because when I was cleaning up my fridge I found out that I had two rolls of Kodak Tri-X 400 left.

Good excuse to go out and shoot.

Sidenote: I noticed afterwards that I even had some more. But those are expired. I will safe all the expired film for a later fun thing when I have plenty of time to spend.

Just doing random stuff…

I had no particular plan or anything. I just went out and shoot. First roll of Tri-X 400 on EI 1600 and than pushed two stops with developing. Same as I actually always do with my film. And the other one on box speed so I could screw around with long exposures.

The thing is. You do have to develop twice in that case. So don’t plan it when you are in a hurry and you want to see your results quickly. You can’t dump them in the same tank.

The first one which I have shot wasn’t all that different from every other film you eventually push two stops. So that was just walking around Amsterdam, Haarlem, and Utrecht and having fun.

For the second one I have brought along my tripod. I was trying to experiment with long exposures and multiple exposures at the same time.

The long exposures as a single shots turned out well. There was nothing wrong with those. But when you combine them with multiple exposures you miss the definition in the people. You only can get them when you are really quick with the “please don’t advance the film“ lever I think. I guess that is the whole reason why Titarenko was so good. Making good long exposures with people in it are just goddamn hard.

Technical details…

As far as the technical details of the developing process. I have used Ilford DD-X developer, Ilfostop, and Ilford Rapid Fixer. All of them on 20 degrees Celsius. So nothing fancy actually.

Deja Vu…

No philosophical message this time. Except for maybe just have fun and try new stuff… But what I did remembered is why I don’t like Tri-X! And that is it is curly as hell! And the film also damages quite easy I think. And it is not that I am a ruffian with the medium.

No dust magnet though. So that is a plus…

On aesthetics. I think that is just a matter of taste. I just like the way Ilford looks more. It is more me… Although Tri-X also has that classic look that all of the legends had. Sometimes you get that whole Garry Winogrand or Bruce Gilden vibe.

Speaking of legends!

What I always get reminded about how much shooting analog differs from digital. Especially mirror-less… You get instant feedback how your image looks. Particularly with those electronic viewfinder… Oh boy. I get why people like it. And than to think of it what kind of amazing work all of my heroes produced with all of the equipment from that age.

No auto focus…

No electronic viewfinder…

No feedback…

I mean, you have to visualize the entire image. And your feedback how it looks can take from hours to days. No fancy gadget makes you a better photographer. But it sure makes life easier.

But I digress!

Like always!

My damn monkey mind…

Not the longest post this time. But in the end it is just about sharing work and words, and hopefully that it reaches someones heart somehow.

Have a good one….

- Cristian

Ilford HP5+ at box speed, a Nikon FM2n, and a people in yellow vests...

I fell in love…

I was waiting for my package and the mailman app made me even more excited because that notified me it would be delivered today…

And with today I mean last Saturday, December first.

The package contained a something special. At least for me… I wanted to have this camera for a long time. And faith decided that it was time for me to acquire one.

The camera? A Nikon FM2n.

It arrived in perfect condition so I was good to go! The plan is to take it with me to Vietnam. But I had to be sure there weren’t any light leaks. I mean, light leaks aren’t a problem, but I don’t have any time left to fix it before I go.

Luckily there was another demonstration going on in the Netherlands. So it was the perfect testing ground for my new beauty.

Developing

I develop my own film. So a day after I hopped in the kitchen and made my delicious rodinal soup to develop me some Ilford HP5+.

BTW! I will dedicate a later blog post solely on developing black and white film. I think it is some interesting stuff to share.

After that. Scanning began! And indeed! No light leaks!

Below are the shots. The first bunch is of the Nikon FM2n. And the later ones are digital shots taken with my Nikon D810.

Nikon FM2n

Nikon D810

The monkeys did it! - My days in Varanasi, India...

I’ve been home a couple of weeks now…

My Instagram feed make you want to believe otherwise because I am still posting photographs of India. But hey! Why not! I just created a lot of work over there that I wanted to share.

Trying…

I’ve been trying to write this blog post ever since the day I have returned home. But you know… Life… Ha! I always was surprised why some photographer seem to only update their blog every once in a while. But trying to juggle a lot of things all at once makes me realize the reason why that happens…

But! For now I have some me time again. So that means going through about 3000 photographs which I took in India of course. Writing my blog. And also, thinking about a way to present my work. In real life that is… Not digitally. As many people know I hate looking at photographs in the digital form. You need to hold them.

But like always I digress…!

Back to India!

I landed in Delhi like most people do. Around midnight I got my backpack from the luggage carousel, and oh so fucking tired of the flight I stepped outside looking for my driver…

I’ve been lucky to see much of this world already. And when I was doing my research my first reaction was. Aaaaaah the chaos in India is probably not as intense as they say it is!

Well I can tell you… It is!

Even in the middle of the night it was so busy everywhere… The busiest city I have seen so far was Tehran, Iran. But that one seems orderly in comparison to the chaos when you arrive in Delhi…

It was warm, humid, and dusty…

I stayed a couple of days in Delhi. I’m not really a fan of big cities. But it would be a shame if I just flew to Varanasi immediately.

I guess Delhi was a good way to acclimatize to the moist and heat, but mainly all of the honking… I still have some nightmares about the honking! I really needed those days because nothing else could prepare me more than Varanasi itself…

In Delhi i roamed mostly around the old city. Which is nice… The light is good, the dust creates some nice looks. And plenty of people and scenes to creates some nice images and warm up. And of course plenty of street food!

The only thing you need to look out for is crooked tuktuk drivers and touts. But other than that… Just roam around, eat plenty, and have fun.

The culture shock that is Varanasi…

I took a domestic flight to Varanasi. I wanted to go by train, but with all the hassle I had to go through with the new website that the Indian railways has got, and I wasn’t planning to let fate decide this trip what kind of train seat I would have. It seemed like a good idea!

Don’t get me wrong. I do think if you have plenty of time you really need to take the train! It will probably be a adventure by itself…

Varanasi was even warmer. And when my driver picked me up from the airport I guess it was roughly an hour drive to the city. For everyone who reeds this. A tuktuk will also get you there and is more fun and cheaper. And you don’t get any tricky questions if you want to upgrade to an airco one haha.

As soon as you arrive the chaos begins. Varanasi is so busy! Especially when I arrived… It was a holiday. Gandhi Jayanti. So a lot of Indian people travel to the city to do their rituals in the Ganges.

Being in Delhi first did indeed prepared me a little bit for everything. The business… Chaos… And the honking! My god! When will the honking ever stop!

The honking is being used as some sort of echo location to see if someone is close by or something. Even in the tiniest streets, motorbikes will try to go through the crowds and honk their way onwards…

As soon as I arrived in the guest house I was staying I started to explore. With my trusty camera of course. There is no better way than just dive right in!

Gear…

BTW, if you read this, and you are a camera nerd, and the chance of that might be quite big…You are most likely interested in which gear I brought. Well that is a very short list…

It was a Fujifilm X100F. A Fujifilm X-Pro 2 with just one 23mm lens. (35 mm equivalent ). And plenty of batteries and memory cards. That was it! I din’t even need the batteries because if you learn to turn off your camera yourself it lasts longer and is quicker ready to shoot, than it gets out of sleep mode…

In the end I only used the X100F. And no regrets…

So screw the gear!

I started at the main ghat. Ghats is what makes Varanasi, Varanasi I guess… It is the heart and the soul of the city. And those are the places where life happens…

The main ghat was so busy! I felt like I was in an ant hill… But it was really interesting to see all the rituals and traditions going on…

It was not the place for me though. For me the most interesting moments happened when I was roaming between the most southern ghat ( Assi Ghat ) and just right before the main ghat.

You can go even more northern. But somehow it was less appealing to me.

And also a small but not less important. The ghats were covered in mud! There has been a flood. And there was mud everywhere… So that gave it’s own challenges… There was a huge cleanup operation going on that made for some interesting scenes. Even lost my shoe, and found it back again. And became for me a big part of the story of the city.

My own rituals…

I created my own rituals there. For me that was roaming between the ghats I just mentioned. Walking a little, stopping for chai, and walking some more.

One morning when it still was before sunrise I continued my roaming between the ghats, and at one moment I got the questions for the thousands of time; “Boat Sir?“

Until now, I always replied no while shaking my head. But this time he even proposed a descent price. Still a little bit more than the local price. But when you travel you need to have the “fuck it“ attitude and just see what happens… And so I did…

I got in the boat. The boatman came and go, and than came again… I thought it was time to finally to go but than another passenger came out of nothing.

The other passenger and I started talking and he turned out to be a professor from Pune, that is close to Mumbai. A super friendly man which gave some interesting insights about the country and city which I otherwise I would have missed or not have known.

We ended up having lunch together and a day later diner and even introduced me to a friend of his. And also drove on a motorcycle with three people at once.

Another thing he introduced me too was lemon tea in the Assi ghat. It is not like Chai or regular tea. But it is tea with salt… The first sip was a bit weird. But after the second one I was hooked! The lemon tea later became a part of my ritual and I even made a lemon tea budget in one of my many pockets haha.

And professor. If you happen to read this blog post. Thank you for everything and your great care. And I mean that form the bottom of my heart. Kind people like you is what makes traveling so special. :-)

The story continues…

The more I roamed around the more I got to know the city. Which is a good thing… You learn what makes the city sort of tick. You start to see the light. You learn what most import is to you and your photographs. And you even get to know the people that live there. The touts started to leave me alone. Compared my muscles with some of the guys who thought they were strong. Chai break here, Chai break there, Chai break everywhere!

Talking about strong…

My physique helps me in a lot of ways… I am not a body builder so I am not huge. I am a weightlifter which is a big difference! It does not make you look bulky. You just get big legs and you look like you can lift a house. But that is a different story haha.

And this time too. One of the mornings I arrived at one of the Kushti training centers. For people who don’t know what Kushti is. Kushti is an traditional form of Indian wrestling which goes back even way before 0 BC. Here is a link to the wikipedia page.

My main goal was to do some photography over there. And it was a important item on my shot list. But I started talking to one of the wrestlers. And as soon as I mentioned that I was a weightlifter I needed to join!

How can I refuse?

So I didn’t even hesitate and joined.

I got introduced to the head coach and, and as soon as the area was made ready to train, I joined the prayer, and was ready to go. The wrestler told me what to say during they prayer. Trained with some of there equipment. Did some grappling. And got a massage and a good cracking from the head coach. Did need to take a little break to still get my shots in haha.

The equipment they use reminds me of the Persian house of strength or Zurkhaneh. Especially the clubs and hammers.

They are such a wonderful people. As soon as the training was done I got invited to join the next day again.

The monkeys did it!

I always talk about my monkey mind. But these monkeys were not in my mind. There are in the streets and on the roof. Now isn’t that really such a strange thing. But somehow the monkeys over here have a little more of a jerk factor than everywhere else.

During the evenings I made some phone-calls back home and every-time there was a huge monkey sitting above the roof entrance playing with his balls and looking at my phone… That bastard wanted to have his own… But it is mine man!

Their assholeness is fuel for some funny conversations though. I will never forget the shop own who complained about that the monkeys broke his Wi-Fi. Or the little kids who where cursing at the monkeys because they their kite. And I asked them; Are the monkeys nice? And their reply was with their sweetest voice; No, monkeys not nice…

It is really refreshing though to see kids playing with kites and chasing monkeys and be happy with it.

My bridge. And a message to other photographers…

I am not talking about a physical bridge. But I am talking about a philosophical one… And one I want to make and connect to my previous stories and my message to photographers.

And maybe not even photographers but everyone in general…

It is all about making connections!

I am not kidding! One of the things that got me triggered were a couple of remarks that were something like; “Hey you are in India, it must be really so easy to get some good photographs!”

That actually rubbed the wrong way…

If you really think like that, why are you photographing?

The things that make photographs special and timeless, are the emotions and the stories you are capturing. If it wasn’t for the kids on the roof, the professor, the Kushti wrestlers, and later a buffalo herder which I talked for hours with on the waterfront of the Ganges. I wouldn’t have gotten my shots in. And besides that. You still need to think about composition and such!

This is what makes your photographs tell stories. You are dealing with real human beings, with a heart! And a soul! And emotions! Yes India is a photography friendly country… And very photogenic. But still…

Otherwise you are just doing graphical design with a camera.

So treat humans as humans… Not as subjects…

You are not in a zoo (And I don’t even like zoos)…

Talk to some people… It will make you richer in ways that you would have never have imagined….

And even when you are not a photographer. Traveling is still about connections. The laughter and joy. The stories you come back home with… Not the Instagram likes…

Rant over… Back to the fun stuff. Like getting sick for a day.

I wanted to train Kushti again but all out of nothing I felt sick. It came out of nowhere! I guess no one is safe for some sort of bug here. Especially with our fragile European bodies.

I needed some healthy stuff. And maybe some food that reminds me of home. So after some Google’ig I have found the brown bread bakery.

What a delight!

It is a nice place where they sell some European sandwiches, nice teas, and lots of smoothies!

When I was there eating my Gouda sandwich I met an amazing couple. Tobias and Isabelle. Isabelle is from the Netherlands too, and Tobias is from the UK if I am correct. And with my camera on the table it didn’t take long the conversation went towards photography. And especially analog.

It turns out that they were making a documentary film purely shot on analog film. That is so cool! They went to so many places already and now they were shooting in Varanasi.

Go check their Instagrams out! You can find Tobias here. And Isabelle here.

The flu like symptoms went away as quickly as it came. And I was going on my way again. We said goodbye. Exchanged Instagram’s. And for me it was back to photography.

Wrapping it up! For now…

I still have so many stories to tell… But maybe I will tell them later.

It is about time I will round this blog post up…

India is an amazing country. Despite the chaos, honking, slipping on cow poo, the monkeys, and the famous Delly Belly… Yes, I was also a victim haha.

The food. The nice people. The culture. Everything!

In the future I will return to see the rest of the country. There is no question about that…

For now. There is a little bit less than two months left in 2018. And if you have come this far in reading this blog post. First of all… Thank you for that.

Also…

Maybe some of you can help me with some future destinations! I opened up the comments of this post because of that.

The reason I ask is because I have to my own surprise some extra time to travel in December. And the destinations is not set yet…

So which part of this beautiful earth would you like to see me document?

Until next time…

- Cristian

Make A Wish...

Hey everyone,

Two weeks a go I was privileged to be part of such an beautiful day with a lot of beautiful people.

It was the day the wish was granted for a lovely little woman named Emma by the Make-A-Wish foundation.

The Make-A-Wish foundation is a organization that makes a hearts wish come true of children from the ages of three to eighteen. All the information about the organization you can find here. And if you can support the organization in one way or the other please do. They need all the help they can get. They have such a beautiful mission.

Her wish was they she could have a froze themed day, and learn how to photograph from a real photographer and have a photo shoot at the same time together with her sister. She and her sister and parents got picked up in the morning by u giant pink limousine.

After that, it was off to get dressed in some beautiful dresses and having a nice big piece of pie. After the pie make-up and hair was done. After that it was on their way to Castle Warmelo.

At that moment I joined the day.

Horses were ridden. We walked through the Castle gardens. Cameras were explained. And a lot of smiles were seen. Which made me very happy.

Normally my stories are longer. But a photograph always says more than a thousand words. So I have chosen five of my favorite photographs of the day which you can see below. 

Thank you so much I could be part of the special day and share the day with your wonderful family. And of course thank you that I could write and share a little story about it.

Nothing About Us Without Us. Syrian refugees. And a human rights organization named Kompass.

Hey all!

No deep philosophical blog post today but a short and sweet one.

I shot the event "Nothing about us without us".

Because of refugee day, human rights organization Kompass organized a meet-up for 15 new young Syrian leaders and also refugees to take the stage. After a crash course in leadership they were now ready to face the public and tell their stories.

The 15 young leaders represent the diversity of Syria, and its diaspora, and overcame the memories of conflict and war. Not only that but also addressing the current state of the labor market, integration, mental health, and a possible future return to their country. By making their voices heard, they contribute to making the Netherlands an even more beautiful place. 

You can find out more about the human rights organization Kompass over here.

*Click on the sides of the gallery to cycle through it.

The most awesome publication... A cover in Iran.

Couple of day a go ...

Woke up... Made some very nice fresh coffee... Read some news...

Than the doorbell rang!

It was the package delivery service. I knew there was something on it's way. I just won a old vintage Scott receiver at a online auction. So I expected that one... But surprised as I could be, the delivery guy had two packages for me!

The receiver was all cool and stuff. But as soon as I noticed the second package and saw the stamps on the envelop I knew what it was.

It was my copy of the magazine I got published in from Iran!

Mehdi, the creator of the magazine contacted me a while a go if he could use one of my photographs I took in the Nasir Al-Mulk mosque in Shiraz. To be specific, it was the one with the lady with the gown.

I agreed and some time went by. He said to me he would send me a copy. But with the whole embargo thing going on I didn't expect anything. Maybe the government would hold it or something. I don't know.

But it arrived!

So screw the amp!

I guess I don't have to tell how cool it is to see your work published. Let alone in a magazine in Iran. But a little hint. Getting a magazine out there goes a little bit different over there than here in the west and is a bit more difficult.

Mehdi did a beautiful job and the magazine is about arts and culture. I even got the cover!

He translated some articles for me. And even within the package he included some prints of his province where he lives. Borujerd...

Of course it would be amazing to be on the cover of National Geographic one day... But this... man... I guess for me it is even way cooler.

Anyways! It made me very happy!

I put some photos below if you want to have a look.

P.S.

The receiver is awesome too. Listening to my records while I am writing...

Five things I learned about (Life) going to Jerusalem the second time...

Need to make money...
Need to get my motorbike fixed...
Need to do this and that...

F##ck...

April 8th 2018...

Three weeks has passed since my last blog post. And it is incredible how easy you get sucked in everyday life again...

There is never a better moment than now, but in this case and the mindset I have at the moment. It feels more right than ever to write the second part of the five things I learned series.

This one, the second one, is about life!

Sometimes it is so easy as photographer to get stuck in the technical crap that involves photography. But we tend to forget that photography is about life. It is a art form meant to capture life. And it is the only machine we really have to capture life in it's purest form. A bundle of emotion captured in one frame beamed onto your screen or printed on your paper and for you to reminisce. Like a real life time machine in the palm of your hand...

Of course the blog posts are not for photographers only but everyone that loves following my adventures and mind farts. That's why most of my blog posts are more philosophical and about art than gear or tech related stuff.

I use my art to tell stories. About the world, life, but it is also my critique to society. A way I know to let my mind wander and try to make sense of all the stuff that is going on in my head... And even a way try to make sense of the madness we call life....

My photography brings me a lot. And most of the time to places and moments. And because I use it to make sense of all of it it schools me too. Sometimes I realize I am right, sometimes I realize that I am wrong, and sometimes it raises even more questions...

So what does all of this have to do with my second trip to Jerusalem?

I will come to that... No worries...

I guess it is also very easy to fall into the political trap because of the city of Jerusalem. And because of that I will keep my views unbiased. I am a observer. And this article about the lessons I have learned. As a person... And not about someone that needs to do this or that...

So here we go!

1. We are all human...
   I put this one first but it was the last one I wrote...
   
   I think it is because this one is the hardest to explain of them all...
   
   At one point I was having coffee in the old city. And at another moment I was going through a checkpoint and walking around in a 400m2 area where about 15000 humans live. That is a experience...
   
   The "funny" thing is. I had many similarities with Omar. My guide through the camps. We talked about life there. Life where I am from. And everything in between. He is a talented artist. Seems to make most of the situation.
   
   A moment later I had a call with my Israeli friend Chana which I was supposed to meet. But her car broke down and she couldn't make it. But she felt so bad... She was engaged to be married and wanted to tell me all about it. And I didn't see her for two years so it was the perfect moment to catch up. But fate decided otherwise...
   
   Despite all of our differences we are so similar as human beings...
   
   We all share the same emotions about love, life and death, living and caring...
   
   It gave me a good sense of direction I want to go with my art and passion projects. We are all one... Let's finally understand that... 
    
2. Work hard, but don't rush...
   I already mentioned this in my previous blog post in the part take your time. But I want to get into it a little bit deeper.
   
   Good things come to those who work hard. And that is the absolute truth! Of course there are setbacks. But working hard also involves not giving up.
   
   The big trap is rushing.
   
   And I fell for it...
   
   There is thing called Street Zen and the first time I heard about it was on a podcast by Eric Kim.
   
   I guess the whole trick is to find that Street Zen! I wanted to do too much. And I rushed and I rushed. Sometimes forced and sometimes self inflicted. We all know we as humans can be our worst enemy.
   
   Street Zen is a real thing. And you can apply it to everything in I guess and call it being in the zone. Ah well...
   
   If you want to deliver quality find you Zen. Take your time. Know your intent for the photograph. And go with the flow.
   
   Rushing never did anyone any good. Same as sitting on your ass.
    
3. Find your own truths...
   When I was a little kid we had a game in class named "I ga op vakantie en ik neem mee". It roughly translates: I will go on holiday and take with me... It is a game to see if the first person that tells something, will it still be the same if it reaches the end...
   
   Real life information tends to do the same...
   
   Taking up a project, a passion project or a normal one, or just regular travel. You need to do some research. Some of it comes to word by mouth. Some of it goes by the news or books. Or the internet. Or even better. The lonely planet!
   
   Wonderful!
   
   But I have experienced now numerous times that when I arrive it was different than I imagned.
   
   Iran was not full of terrorists...
   The Tsjech republic does not have nice beer... (Sorry...)
   And Israelis and Palestinians can be friends...
   
   Wait whuuut? What did I just say!?
   
   The last thing I watched on the news was all of the violence that happened during the return march. And of course all the stuff that you read about in the papers. And not to speak of about social media...
   
   I've seen Israeli soldiers taking photographs of a Palestinian father and son. Arab making small talk with Jews. And little kids having fun in the streets...
   
   Somehow the whole situation seemed less tense than the first time I was there. And although I came there to work on my photography I had a great time. Yes haha, you can have fun and work at the same time...
   
   So always find out your own truth. Hell, even doubt this blog... Just go out and explore yourself. It is way more fun anyway.
   
   And that counts for everything. A camera review. A song you hear in the radio. A certain restaurant that a travel guide says you have to visit! Or not! And than it turns out is is the worst or best experience ever... And even the news...
    
    
4. We all have our own shit...
   
   Sometimes I tend to forget that. The part that we are all human... When you have seen a lot and have een trough a lot it is so easy to say: yeah we in the west have forgotten to be happy and we are spoiled to the bone... Especially if you experience the Israeli and Palestinian conflict sort of up close...
   
   And for a big part it is true...
   
   Yes, I just said that...
   
   In a big way with all the wealth that we have we fell into the a giant trap that we have forgotten what is most important in life. And we make a fuzz about trivial shit.
   
   That does not mean that we do not have our own problems. Because we do have. Because of all of those traps certain other issues arise. Mental health issues, disassociation, a rising gap between rich and poor. Even global warming! Rising suicide rates...
   
   Actually all of this is nothing new.
   
   Everybody knows it...
   
   And I am about to hit the point I am trying to make. So hold on!
   
   I think the lesson I have learned is not being so judgmental. Actually because of all of those thoughts I just mentioned. Yes! I was judgmental. And it is good for your art to wind yourself up about something.
   
   But it was to easy for me to get angry at the woman who tried to park her bicycle into my motorbike because she said; "Well as long as I can park my bike here than I will be fine. I don't care about anybody else..." just the day after I got home. And yell at her: You don't know how good we have it here! Be grateful! 
   
   I need to wind myself up the same amount about the stuff back home as I do with all the other stuff that is happening in the world.
   
   Why?
   
   Well because like I said earlier. We are all human. And as long we don't understand ourselves and each other. We will never see any progress and all the bad shit will continue to happen everywhere.
   
   Who knows what the woman has been trough.
   
   Be a possitive exapmle...
   
   That at least is my two cents...
    
5. Never rest...
   This entire trip lit a bigger fire in me than ever. I am not used to giving up. And I am sure as hell more than ever determined I will make it was a photographer and story teller.
   
   I mentioned not sitting on your (mine) ass never did anybody good. And it is the honest truth. It is something I took from sports. I you want something go and get. Never give up. And put in the work. All those Gary Vee posts are all about that. You know the drill... Don't expect to reach a target if you hang out on the beach or go out for drinks. Although relaxation is important too. Get your priorities straight...
   
   
   The here and the now is this life. One life... And I have to fan the flames of what my soul puts on fire... So Rumi was right after all...
    

At first all of this seems to have nothing to do with photography. But believe me it does... It is a art form despite it does not seem like it in this day and age. If you want to make a beautiful portrait of someone you still have to see the artistic and human side of things. Otherwise you will never capture the essence of that human being. Same goes for architecture or landscape.

If you do your photography with your soul it will all work out and it will show in your work...

And like I said earlier. It does not only count for photography but for everything.

Just put your soul into things... Work, art, friends, family, your partner...

Btw! I named the project "Neshame Sheli". It means roughly translated: You are important to me. You are a part of my soul... And that is how I feel about my photographs and telling stories.  Hopefully it shows and you see that too...

- Cristian
 

Five things I learned about (Photography) going to Jerusalem the second time...

Hey all!

I am currently really busy with the processing of all of my material of my latest trip to Israel and the Palestinian territories. But that is a long process and when it is all done I want to write a big article about it. And find a proper way to present it to the world.

Until that time arrives I will write short blog posts like this to keep the information and sort of involve you all in a bit of my process.

So this piece part one of a two part piece with five things I have learned during or after my latest trip to Jerusalem and the Palestinian territories.

First one is about photography. The second one is about life.

So let's start!

Part one: Photography...

Like I said. Currently I am in the process of working through all of the material I made and that is just something that takes time... A lot of time!

In short. I took around 1100 photographs and I am editing them at the moment. Part of that process is also voicing visually the intent of the photograph. And ultimately after all the editing is done the post processing start.

Of the approximately 1100 photographs there are only a few that will make the cut and want to share with the world.

During that process which is not even done. I ran into a lot of issues. Not everyone shares that stuff. But I am a big believer in that running into problems or even failing is a big part of getting better. It's a rule you can apply to everything in life...

Same goes for photography!

And the whole trick after the whole failing or running into issues thingie. Is that you just don't give up! Get back on the horse and just go go go!

Learn from it. Feed from it... Grow from it!

Btw I am not only summing up stuff that went bad. It's also good to reflect on stuff that went well, or even good! Because also that is a good thing to know.

Alright here it goes. Five things I learned!

1. Don't buy new gear!
   A couple of weeks before I left for my trip I switched from Olympus to Fujifilm. I sold all of my lenses and my beautiful Olympus PEN-F body... And I did not even hate my gear. There was nothing wrong with it, and I am a firm believer in that you can't buy a bad camera anymore.
   
   It was more that I was chasing some sort of look or vibe that the Fujifilm sensors have. And I just felt it was time for a change. And if you never try something new you will never know you will like it or not!
   
   The whole difference between my Olympus PEN-F and Fujfilm X-E3 is a whole other subject to dive into. Because the end conclusion is I love them both. The point I am trying to make here for the DO NOT BUY NEW GEAR issue is the learning curve!
   
   My ego let me believe I worked enough hours with the Fujifilm to understand the device completely and I would not make any mistakes with it.
   
   Well I was wrong...
   
   For example the aperture I shot on my Olympus to get everything sharp was around f5.6 or lower. On my Fujifilm it was way lower. And I realized I had to take my photographs around f8! That resulted in some shots I had a shallow depth of field when I did not want it. Especially when I missed focus.
   
   That brings me to another point. I missed focus! A lot!
   
   I was like: How the hell is this happening! Back home I did not have this problem!
   
   There is a difference between photographing back home and while traveling. And that too will be material for another blog post. But in this case, the conditions were different. The people were different even though I was there before. The gear of course was different. My mindset was different. All the narrow alleyways and using certain techniques to get a shot and doing stuff on instinct. All of that together gave me some out of focus results.
   
   I analyzed it all. And one of the things was the the single point focus on my Olympus somehow let me get away with errors. While the single point focus on my Fujifilm was unforgiving. If you miss it, you miss it!
   
   I switched to zone focusing instead and that worked better for me in those conditions. End result. More material I am satisfied with. And no customer or viewer of your art will care if you used a single point focus method or a zone focus method. It is all getting the shot and the story you are telling. 
    
2. Do your research.
   Like I said, it is not all about the bad things. You also need to reflect on all the stuff that went well!
   
   For me it was arranging my guide or fixer or whatever you want to call it. Making a plan on what you are going to do everyday and also leave some room for spontaneity. Having a back-up plan if something falls short. All of that so you can get the most out of your time.
   
   I planned everything well. And I also was very lucky that nothing went wrong. I think on that part I had the smoothest trip ever. Planning helped.
    
3. Update your software.
   This one is actually not about the time during my trip. But more about the process when you return and start to review your work do your post processing.
   
   I looked at my shots and I was getting angrier and angrier by the day. My photos looked like crap. And I did nothing wrong! Why? Why was this?
   
   I was getting into fights with my raw files. And got a bad case of worming. Man o man I was getting frustrated... My photos looked like a watercolor painting!
   
   A fellow photographer said to me: Cris, did you update lightroom?
   
   Fujifilm raw files had got some issues with lightroom in the past. And after a lot of Google searches I read that there were a lot of people that used alternative raw processors and bypassed lightroom or not used it at all! The switched to alternatives like for example capture one.
   
   Small side-note. I used to have the last standalone version of the original lightroom. Because I refused to be part of the subscription model that Adobe started.
   
   I actually like lightroom a lot. So I followed his advice. Put my ego aside. And updated purchased the monthly version of lightroom. And as soon as I openend my photographs again they looked a lot better.
   
   I combined that with a different way of sharpening and voila! Instant happy Cris!
   
   Btw. The whole sharpening thing with Fujifilm raw files... Only use the sharpening slider a little. Use the detail slider more and pull back the radius.
    
4. Shoot a lot of shit.
   Maybe it is a bit redundant to say. But I hope I don't have to tell any photographer that it is to take a shot extra than you have not taken the shot at all...
   
   That especially is true with memory cards. Fill those puppies up and shoot everything that peaks your interest.
   
   And no. That does not automatically nullifies my post about "f##k instant gratification". Those are two completely different things. And if you have a goal in mind... Do whatever it takes. There is no award for getting the decisive moment in the least amount of photos...
    
5. Take your time!
   I saved this one for last...
   
   Because for me this is the most important one.
   
   Why?
   
   Because I did not do it...
   
   I wanted to get the ultimate photograph so much. I soared and roared across the area like a idiot. My drive that I am so proud of got the best of me.
   
   The end result was that I did not take the time take in the moment as I normally do. And that sucks. It is not that I have bad photographs now... But in retrospect there were moments where I should have taken my time more the choose another angle. Or kneel down to take the shot. Get closer. Wait longer. Getting the details more right.
   
   What if is miss something?
   
   That mindset held me back to look at some little details. When you see a scenario and you don't need to react in a split second. Just take your time... Relax... Take two photos extra. Inhale... Get low or high. Analyse... Wait for the light. It will all come together if you just let the moment be...
   
   It is hard to explain I guess... But there goes a lot detail in taking a good or even a great photograph. And a lot has to go with a certain flow and peace of mind. You feel it when you do it. And once you made one. It is a feeling that you will forever chase again...

Alright! This is it!

My five lessons about photography. I hope you enjoyed them!

Stand by for Part two: Life...

Catching that decisive moment...