Istanbul - Me, my camera, and sometimes a pen...
only me
my camera
and sometimes a pen
time flies by too fast
and I am too slow...
will I ever have enough time?
I do my best...
it doesn't matter what I say
or do
I have no control
tijd om lost te laten
or hold on
it feels like sand
I called home
niemand thuis
sometimes it seems
that the people in the street
can read my mind
they look
they stare
they are like sculptures of what my heart feels
I sometimes say I never believed
but somehow
yet
from the beginning
I always did
I'm tired
Someone else falls asleep
another phone
should I pick up?
I see a tree
the sky turns bright
daglicht
a flock of birds
I wish they were
something else
time to go home...
In a parallel universe... - A mini photo essay of a journey in Morocco while I should have been in Iraq.
In a parallel universe…
I wouldn’t be talking to the sea in Casablanca
I love talking to the sea
Maybe it is because the sea is connected to the heart of the moon
And everytime we speak
she lets me hear her thunder and her storms
the embrace of her waves
sometimes with delicacy
and sometimes with all her passion
and all of her rumbles
But when she is sad
I always tell her
That someone gifted me once a box full of darkness
but in the end that darkness will make you shine bright
brighter than a dance
under a thousand stars
I love talking to the sea so much…
And I would trade every
single
day
to say to her…
that my favourite season is autumn as well
despite
I sometimes
feel like a fading burning sun
In a parallel universe…
I wouldn’t be walking in tiny streets
With walls that stretch far into the sky
like concrete trees
and magic doors
Magic doors
so special
that if you walk through them
you will end up
End up in a place
Where your heart gets hugged
and where a song starts playing
for only those who listen with their soul
can hear
In a parallel universe…
You would not have set me down on that stool…
asking me to tell me about my day
and just to make sure
I was perfectly fine
I would have left if it wasn't for you
you know…
one of your poems was about rain
Maybe that's why I stayed
I would have left if it wasn't for you
you know…
I am sure
it was because
I recognized your rain as well…
because it looked so much like my own
And told you
self-love should be the very first romance…
In a parallel universe…
I wouldn’t have had a dream about a proud old man and a horse
Out of nothing
I heard a voice which sounded like thunder
it was a dark horse
and his name that sat on him
was life
I rode with him
until his legs were tired
but was ready to rest with a giant smile
you will be fine, my friend
he said
despite sometimes
it just takes a while…
Story behind the mini photo essay…
The initial plan for end of spring was to visit my friend in Iran. But because they had their own plans to travel, I opted to go and visit my friends in Iraq. And while I was there also create a photo essay as well. Specifically the autonomous region of Kurdistan.
When I was ready to board the plane and waiting in front of the gate with a bag full of film, and presents. There was just simply no airplane to take me to Iraq.
The solution of the airline was to stuff me into a hotel in Istanbul to wait for the next available flight. But the airport personnel here figured out that all of the upcoming flights where grossly overbooked as well, so that would be being stuck in Istanbul for way too long. And while Istanbul is an amazing city, it still would have meant I would lose valuable time in Iraq itself. And you don’t go to Iraq for a lightning quick visit if you have the chance. You want to enjoy the country to it’s fullest.
So I opted to get my money back. And as soon as I got my money back I checked for the other airline that would fly to Erbil. But that website was down…
Eventually I picked Morocco instead and gave myself a a forced holiday which I haven’t had in years! I mean I travel regularly and it is always fun. But it is always with a purpose. I am just very bad at sitting on my ass…
People who know me personally can vouch for that.
The only flight that was available which fitted in my schedule was one to Casablanca. The idea was when I got to Casablanca to take a bus to Essaouira and just chill…
But fate decided to rock my world again and gave me food poisoning right before a six hour bus ride… And if you have ever had food poisoning in your life, you would know that the only place where you feel safe is the shower… A bus is the last place where you want to be… Especially for six hours…
Of all the chances a nurse came sitting next to me, and the wonderful conversations I had with her made me feel good enough to arrive in a proper manner. Thank you Imane. :)
Eventually…
Eventually in Essaouira I couldn’t resist to do nothing at all despite I needed more than a couple of days to recover fully. But in the end I just love photography so much… It is my way to make sense of things… So I did what I could with the severe limited amount of time I had.
The other bonus was that I met some amazing people over there. People that really touched my heart in ways that I couldn’t imagine.
But that is the downside of travel…
The biggest upside of traveling is like reading a thousand books… But saying goodbye always feels like breaking your heart.
For the tech geeks…
I shot a combination of film and digital. I just grabbed the camera I was in the mood for and didn’t want to think about things too much. Also it is no secret that I use everything that a Carl Zeiss can be attached to. In the end it doesn’t matter though. A good photo is a good photo… And they still need to be printed. So from some I will create negatives and create silver gelatin prints anyway.
Photography is all about the printing…
There were of course more images taken. But those will be shared on a later moment.
Ending words…
In the future I will go back to Morocco again. And when fate allows me I will still have to plan to go to Iraq. Can’t wait to see my friends.
All will be fine in the end… And if it isn’t fine… It isn’t the end…
Thank you Halima Haloumi Goldfish, Marcus, Imane, Jakob, Marwane, Pierre, David. And all the others amazing human beings I ran into in that short of a time. Without all of you beautiful souls I definitely wouldn’t have had such a wonderful time.. You will forever be in my heart.
That is a promise…
~ Cristian
But who was listening? It was not God...
I screamed at the sky that it is not fair.
But who was listening?
It was not God...
The only only ones who were there were some crazy birds.
What the fuck do those birds even know about soulmates?
God has abandoned me...
It felt like she has given up as well.
If God was really there he would have known in how much pain I am.
The tears...
The anger...
Oh god... If you only knew.
I fell down near a tree.
And my roots began to dig deep into the ground so I could become one with the earth.
One with the earth...
My melting body was soaking up in the soil
Falling deeper and deeper
Until I reached our past lives...
Lives of kings and queens
And sand and wind
And places and beings
Even back than I tried to make you remember
Remember about that one time that we were one
And left you notes right on your heart
But your heart stopped beating
And I made it keep going by
Just by saying: sleep tight
You slept tight
And woke up in another dimension
In a beautiful dress with flowers and butterflies
But one of those butterflies was me
Only I had no wings
So I fell off
Right into the ground
And transformed into a flower
Only it didn't rain
So there wasn't any water
And because of that I died...
And when I died
It started raining
And pieces of my saddened body touched the window
You were staring out of when you had a bad day
The raindrops made you feel back home
And even though I wasn't even there
Well... Maybe I was...
But would you have seen those notes I left you?
Oh god if you only knew
And if you are listening
Maybe those crazy birds could translate
Will she ever remember me?
-
2025
- Jan 19, 2025 New Platinum Palladium print Jan 19, 2025
- Jan 14, 2025 Work in progress Jan 14, 2025
-
2024
- Dec 31, 2024 Closing words for 2024... Dec 31, 2024
- Dec 18, 2024 New print. New work. New process. Dec 18, 2024
- Nov 18, 2024 Duncan Miller Gallery's Group Show Nov 18, 2024
- Oct 25, 2024 My swan went around 74 countries Oct 25, 2024
- Oct 2, 2024 YourDailyPhotograph Square Print Sale Oct 2, 2024
- Aug 14, 2024 Cyanotype Aug 14, 2024
- Aug 6, 2024 Experimental Gelatin Silver prints Aug 6, 2024
- Aug 2, 2024 I am ready to photograph humans again... Aug 2, 2024
- Jun 23, 2024 “When I see you again…” Jun 23, 2024
- Apr 26, 2024 I went to the forest and everyone knew your name Apr 26, 2024
- Apr 10, 2024 Last night's thunderstorm and something with rain. Apr 10, 2024
- Mar 12, 2024 New series: "The lost art of having a deep conversation... " Mar 12, 2024
- Feb 18, 2024 "Heavier than heaven..." Feb 18, 2024
- Feb 14, 2024 Happy Valentine's Day. Feb 14, 2024
- Feb 7, 2024 The Hand Magazine issue 43 Feb 7, 2024
- Jan 24, 2024 Grid of moons Jan 24, 2024
- Jan 8, 2024 Salt prints on unconventional paper and other news Jan 8, 2024
-
2023
- Dec 11, 2023 Yet untitled addition to "I started writing you this letter in autumn..." Dec 11, 2023
- Dec 2, 2023 Small update on the matter of things and a print. Dec 2, 2023
- Nov 26, 2023 Self Portrait Nov 26, 2023
- Nov 4, 2023 and if something ever flows... Nov 4, 2023
- Sep 21, 2023 OD Photo Prize long list Sep 21, 2023
- Sep 20, 2023 Small print(s)... Sep 20, 2023
- Aug 24, 2023 A lumen print and a poem... Aug 24, 2023
- Jul 14, 2023 Artdoc Magazine - Project Feature "I started writing you this letter in autumn..." Jul 14, 2023
- Jul 9, 2023 15th Anniversary Screening during Les Rencontres d’Arles Nuit de L’Année Jul 9, 2023
- Jun 9, 2023 Istanbul - Me, my camera, and sometimes a pen... Jun 9, 2023
- Jun 6, 2023 Art Doc Magazine Exhibit - Eniga of Life Jun 6, 2023
- Jun 3, 2023 Istanbul. May, 2023. Jun 3, 2023
- May 5, 2023 Self portrait 05-05-2023 May 5, 2023
- Apr 7, 2023 Handcoating silver gelatin. Apr 7, 2023
- Mar 8, 2023 My grandfather was an alcoholic... Mar 8, 2023
- Feb 12, 2023 Moon... Feb 12, 2023
- Feb 8, 2023 Prints... prints... prints... Feb 8, 2023
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2022
- Dec 31, 2022 Goodbye 2022... Dec 31, 2022
- Dec 24, 2022 A colour blinds man attempt to colour photography... Dec 24, 2022
- Nov 29, 2022 The autumn leaves... Nov 29, 2022
- Nov 16, 2022 Back from Paris Photo 2022... Nov 16, 2022
- Oct 25, 2022 Paris Photo 2022 Oct 25, 2022
- Oct 23, 2022 I always feel you there in my dreams... Oct 23, 2022
- Oct 9, 2022 Still Melancholy Oct 9, 2022
- Sep 23, 2022 Experiment in oak toning Sep 23, 2022
- Aug 23, 2022 a dandelion Aug 23, 2022
- Aug 9, 2022 on a dreamy autumn night Aug 9, 2022
- Jul 29, 2022 I like broken things... Jul 29, 2022
- Jul 7, 2022 In a parallel universe... - A mini photo essay of a journey in Morocco while I should have been in Iraq. Jul 7, 2022
- Jun 1, 2022 My eyes were sore from staring too much into the sun Jun 1, 2022
- May 13, 2022 "Is the really the end, or a new beginning? A new reality..." May 13, 2022
- Apr 28, 2022 Hi my name is Cristian Apr 28, 2022
- Apr 9, 2022 There was a gust of wind... Apr 9, 2022
- Mar 18, 2022 Seen by CLAIRbyKahn Mar 18, 2022
- Mar 12, 2022 Lith printing. Mar 12, 2022
- Feb 1, 2022 I swallowed the sun... Feb 1, 2022
- Jan 30, 2022 Me at work (short) Jan 30, 2022
- Jan 3, 2022 Untitled addition to "You, me, and the trees..." Jan 3, 2022
-
2021
- Dec 31, 2021 If 2021 was a secret agent... It would have been Cary Grant in Charade. Dec 31, 2021
- Dec 18, 2021 But who was listening? It was not God... Dec 18, 2021
- Dec 1, 2021 Dante 2021 Dec 1, 2021
- Nov 10, 2021 Secret Garden Nov 10, 2021
- Nov 8, 2021 They managed to hide from me for four weeks! Nov 8, 2021
- Nov 3, 2021 A couple of new photographs and putting myself out there... Nov 3, 2021
- Oct 20, 2021 Inspired... Oct 20, 2021
- Oct 7, 2021 Something has changed... Oct 7, 2021
- Sep 27, 2021 I will bring you to my lake one day... Sep 27, 2021
- Sep 12, 2021 My Egyptian secret window... Sep 12, 2021
- Aug 28, 2021 KAUNAS PHOTO festival. Aug 28, 2021
- Aug 8, 2021 Patty. - Memories of a man once there... Aug 8, 2021
- Jul 30, 2021 I didn't know if we were going for a ride or watching a sunset... Jul 30, 2021
- Jul 16, 2021 Kirsten Jul 16, 2021
- Jul 6, 2021 Dante 2021 Jul 6, 2021
- Jun 25, 2021 Winter tea in summer… Jun 25, 2021
- Jun 23, 2021 Opening Reception Mono - Kromatik Praxis Arts Center. Jun 23, 2021
- Jun 20, 2021 Happy father's day, dad. A letter to you... Jun 20, 2021
- Jun 11, 2021 Portrait of Tom de Haan Jun 11, 2021
- May 30, 2021 Opening reception at the PH21 gallery. May 30, 2021
- May 27, 2021 Photographs are not always about the photograph... May 27, 2021
- May 1, 2021 Life as a colorblind (photographer)... May 1, 2021
- Apr 2, 2021 Shorlisted for the Belfast Photo Festival... Apr 2, 2021
- Mar 31, 2021 "Embracing Stillness" Group Show at the Humble Arts Foundation, New York. Mar 31, 2021
- Mar 17, 2021 I found this old bench... Mar 17, 2021
- Mar 16, 2021 Monochrome exhibit at the Blank Wall Gallery. Mar 16, 2021
- Feb 18, 2021 Nothing... Feb 18, 2021
- Feb 8, 2021 A low light was suddenly present. Feb 8, 2021
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2020
- Dec 31, 2020 Waní-wí-ipȟá - A reflection of 2020... Dec 31, 2020
- Dec 14, 2020 It's so good to see you once again... Dec 14, 2020
- Dec 10, 2020 Exhibit at the waterfront studios Brooklyn, New York. Dec 10, 2020
- Nov 30, 2020 Hands of a poet... Nov 30, 2020
- Nov 18, 2020 What-is-love? Nov 18, 2020
- Oct 17, 2020 Dear future Cris... A birthday letter... To me... Oct 17, 2020
- Oct 6, 2020 We went to the beach once. Fed the birds... Oct 6, 2020
- Sep 28, 2020 Some days it is okay not to be okay. But the next day I want to smile all the bad stuff away... Sep 28, 2020
- Sep 14, 2020 A gateway to another dimension... Sep 14, 2020
- Aug 27, 2020 Publication in Lens Magazine. Aug 27, 2020
- Aug 25, 2020 Edge of Humanity Magazine - Souls of Iran. Aug 25, 2020
- Aug 16, 2020 A fistful of fifties and a day without fear... Aug 16, 2020
- Aug 9, 2020 Support me on Ko-fi... Aug 9, 2020
- Jul 10, 2020 Diary entry during a pandemic once forgotten... The death of my father... And a flying snowman... Jul 10, 2020
- Jun 17, 2020 Solidarity protest against anti-black violence in the US and EU. - Haarlem, the Netherlands. Jun 17, 2020
- Jun 10, 2020 New prints available. Jun 10, 2020
- Apr 19, 2020 My COVID-19 notes... And a heart that broke. Apr 19, 2020
- Apr 1, 2020 F-Stop Magazine: Issue #100 April - May 2020 — Past/Future Apr 1, 2020
- Mar 7, 2020 Article in the French magazine L'Œil de la Photographie Mar 7, 2020
- Mar 6, 2020 Article on Emulsive. - People of Myanmar: The Kayan and Kayah Mar 6, 2020
- Feb 9, 2020 Some sun and some prints... Feb 9, 2020
-
2019
- Dec 3, 2019 Remembering my grandfather... Dec 3, 2019
- Nov 20, 2019 I am the richest man in the world... The story about me in Myanmar. Nov 20, 2019
- Aug 30, 2019 Featured on Emulsive Aug 30, 2019
- Aug 19, 2019 Funding upcoming photography project print sale. Aug 19, 2019
- Jul 2, 2019 Featured on the JCH website. Jul 2, 2019
- Jun 3, 2019 Coffee in the old city of Jerusalem, Sore feet, and defining your why... Jun 3, 2019
- May 27, 2019 "My 35mm time machine..." also on Phot News Canada. May 27, 2019
- May 17, 2019 Guest article for the Ilford website: "My 35mm time machine..." May 17, 2019
- Apr 16, 2019 Playing with color... Apr 16, 2019
- Mar 17, 2019 Andante - Portrait series of the soul. No 2. - Reham Mar 17, 2019
- Mar 11, 2019 Women's March 2019 Mar 11, 2019
- Feb 23, 2019 Digital vs Analog, Israel, testing stuff, and other project updates. Feb 23, 2019
- Jan 28, 2019 A quick date with Kodak Tri-X. Jan 28, 2019
- Jan 4, 2019 Learn from this mistake... My adventure with Ilford PAN F and a jetlag. Jan 4, 2019
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2018
- Dec 22, 2018 Going to Vietnam, Listening to an old lady singing Celine Dion songs, and freezing in China Dec 22, 2018
- Dec 3, 2018 Ilford HP5+ at box speed, a Nikon FM2n, and a people in yellow vests... Dec 3, 2018
- Nov 19, 2018 The small KOZP demonstration photo series... Nov 19, 2018
- Nov 3, 2018 The monkeys did it! - My days in Varanasi, India... Nov 3, 2018
- Sep 3, 2018 Make A Wish... Sep 3, 2018
- Aug 12, 2018 The one about how photography is looked upon across the world. A sour market salesman. And you and your work are important. Aug 12, 2018
- Jul 11, 2018 Introducing Andante - Portrait series of the soul. No 1. Jul 11, 2018
- Jul 4, 2018 Nothing About Us Without Us. Syrian refugees. And a human rights organization named Kompass. Jul 4, 2018
- Jun 15, 2018 Did Instagram kill photography? Jun 15, 2018
- Jun 3, 2018 The most awesome publication... A cover in Iran. Jun 3, 2018
- May 8, 2018 Five things I learned about (Life) going to Jerusalem the second time... May 8, 2018
- Apr 19, 2018 Five things I learned about (Photography) going to Jerusalem the second time... Apr 19, 2018
- Apr 5, 2018 Aida and Dheisheh refugee camp... Apr 5, 2018
- Mar 27, 2018 Snaps during national demonstration "No racism in the council." Mar 27, 2018
- Mar 19, 2018 F##k instant gratification. Mar 19, 2018
- Feb 21, 2018 Finally my Iran work in physical form! Souls of Iran as a Zine! Feb 21, 2018
- Jan 11, 2018 Art exhibition Park Hotel starting January 19th Jan 11, 2018
- Jan 4, 2018 The importance of printing your work... Jan 4, 2018
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2017
- Dec 20, 2017 Who are you shooting for? Dec 20, 2017
- Nov 13, 2017 Capturing Kick Off Alliantie Genderdiversiteit Nov 13, 2017
- Nov 1, 2017 Armando Aid Fundraiser - November 18th. Nov 1, 2017
- Oct 12, 2017 Voorlinden Empty Meet. The results! Oct 12, 2017
- Oct 7, 2017 Voorlinden empty meet! The info! Oct 7, 2017
- Aug 8, 2017 Souls of Iran... Aug 8, 2017