Waní-wí-ipȟá
It’s December 21st. Brushed my teeth… Covered myself with my super warm winter blanket. And the last words I see passing by before I fall asleep are “Waní-wí-ipȟá“.
It’s Lakota and literally means winter solstice. Also a sacred date and an opportunity to share and remember stories from the year past.
If only I could meet the Lakota one day…
But for now they are right. It is a sacred date and it is an opportunity to remember stories of years past…
So why not shall I…
The darkest day…
It is the darkest day… Not only for the earth the sun and the moon, but also for me. And to be honest I’ve been struggling lately.
So the darkest day also felt like one of the darkest days that I have had in a long time myself.
Not every day I am able to be Super Cris. Some days I am just not that Super… It is fine. Luckily one of Super Cris’ powers is daring to be vulnerable so all of it is okay.
The details why are just for me and maybe some of my friends. But also the new lockdown didn’t help either. I guess that part counts for everyone and hit me a bit harder than expected.
But luckily the more the day progressed I felt better and better.
And as Seneca wrote: “There are more things, Lucilius, that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality.“
Waní-wí-ipȟá did make me think about stories from last year. And when you are down or sad it’s easy to forget about the good things that have happened. Since negativity can be like a whirlpool of emotions that will drag you more to the center of sadness… But good things did happen, and actually a lot...
And by the time I am done with writing this it is right before New Year’s eve. So it is a good moment to reflect anyway…
Appreciation
So what are some of the good things that happened? Or some of the stories? Well if I want to tell all of them I need ten more blog posts because I just like to tell long long long stories. But for now, I will try to keep it short. And maybe a bit sweet, I don’t know. I’m still writing so who knows how it ends.
But one of the things that stood out was the appreciation I gained for a friend of mine. I’ve never seen someone putting so much effort in fixing a friendship. And that stuff is rare...
So I’m super grateful to her for that.
You will get your horse soon.
Writing as an exercise for the soul
Writing in general is a good exercise to reflect. And if you are a regular follower of my blog, my stories are more about me, my thoughts, philosophies, or other pickings of the brain. That in the end is what makes art. Not the chosen f-stop on your camera.
So what more things have to be grateful of and what more stories do I have? And how can I reflect?
Well my wet printing skills have improved.
My project about my father is still going strong but it is hard. Not emotionally surprisingly... But more in the way that I’m trying to create something that doesn’t exist yet. And that is a super hard puzzle to solve.
I was gifted a printer for quick prints so I can edit easier.
My Hasselblad. I’m still so in love with it…
Some family members I’ve been come a bit closer with. Like my niece and one of my sisters.
Of course my friends. Peace homies!
I’ve learned a lot about myself when I was a host for a week to help out another friend. And it made me realize I have still some things to work on. Loved every second of it so no worries. Afterwards my house was way way to quiet.
And that I still need to fix my motorbike but somehow I don’t feel like a lazy bum for not doing it.
Also I recovered more stuff from my dad than I expected.
Talking about the project about my dad…
So this part is for the people that are genuinely interested in my progress with this project.
Well the good news is: There is progress.
The bad news is: I still have a freaking long way to go…
I you have ever been or are a musician you maybe know what I am talking about. Sometimes the licks and riffs flow from your mind and sometimes it feels like fighting an endless battle.
It is the same with photography. You start your project, and you have ideas, and one idea brings you to another idea. And it flows and it flows. And sometimes ideas will lead you to a dead end so you will have to explore some new ideas.
This is, in my humble opinion, the biggest reason why you shouldn’t share your work before it is done.
Maybe not a good fit for this instant gratification society. But it is what it is… Because the end product will have changed so much by the time that when it is done and will most likely be so different that it doesn’t look like what was shared or not. And most important. No more surprise effect…
Also an edit of your project can make it or break it. And a photograph does not have to mean anything by itself, or even can be boring. But when you put it into a sequence or in context it suddenly has meaning.
To put it even put the previous sentence into context. A “making-of” of an album from a band or from a movie is also shown when the movie is out. Not during the creation.
So there is a lot to digest. I have been sharing some little pieces of work with only two People that I completely trust. That is my dear friend Eelco which is an amazing art director, and Thana (She has a new book out. Go and check it out here besides that it is an amazing book you will learn a thing or two).
I think it is super important to be picky in who you trust because someone needs to be able to give honest feedback but at the same time also needs to be fully and totally aware in what your end goal is.
The risk of getting your feedback from i.e. a social media group or even during a workshop is that the people from that group or workshop teacher maybe not know your personality or what your end goal is. And how good of an artists they maybe are, they might not give you the right feedback. And therefore might not be a good match.
Therefore, trust is important.
If it is generic picture taking. Why not… Just do whatever you want.
I guess that is also the reason why you need to answer your own “why“.
I answered mine. And this is what came out…
Also stay curious and keep making an effort. Otherwise your project like any other relationship, either one from love or friendship, will die out.
Keeping on… Rollin on…
While summing up this year I also though about how much I shot and how it differed form when I was shooting digital.
So I shot about 170+ rolls of film this year. That doesn’t seem like much but it actually is when you cannot travel. And if it was digital I would have shot way way way more.
Went through copious amount of Rodinal.
Some Ilfotec-HC.
Plenty of Foma paper.
I’ve cried.
Was gifted 52 rolls of film (Thank you Stephen of Kosmo Foto for that.)
Added about 10 photography books to my collection.
Upgraded my darkroom with a beautiful Durst M605 and some amazing Rodagon and Nikon lenses.
Discovered coffee from Yemen and now I am hooked!
Found and bought some beautiful LP’s from the likes of Edith Piaf and Ella Fitzgerald.
And I was gifted a Koala! Not a real one, but it love it anyway.
I laughed a lot.
Fell a lot less asleep on the couch.
But two day before I have published this blog post I did fall through the basement floor while doing squats…
I am fine btw. Knees were a bit hurt but the more day progressed I felt better and better.
Had more and more articles published and some exhibitions.
Some nice print sales.
Jeej!
Alright one more…
One more story or reflection…
Well… Something like that…
I wrote down all of my fears, sadness, and unresolved emotions on a piece of paper and set fire to it.
It sounds cheesy but it helps.
It’s time to move on and it’s time to put some things to rest. I know I’m ready for the next big step in my life whatever that is. But that only will be achieved if I acknowledge but let go of the past.
A year without adventure…
Maybe 2020 was not filled with beautiful travel stories and amazing suqs filled with smells of herbs and spices or oudh. Or indigenous beautiful humans in a certain part of the world who stuff me with food while they are telling me stories and hugging me.
I miss them all.
Every genuine beautiful single soul…
Luckily I have got Merry Christmas messages from all over the world.
But what 2020 did was, was a year filled with reflection, change, preparation, and release.
And also some anxiety and beer.
Onwards 2021…
I want to conclude 2020 by giving a big thank you to everyone that I love. You have no idea how much you mean to mean to me. You really don’t… I cannot seem to put it into words, but sometimes I do try.
A big thank you also to everyone who has given me a chance this year. I am still growing and evolving as a photographer, and I promise I will not waste any of my upcoming chances.
December 31st, 2020…
By the time this story ends it is December 31st, 2020…
Sipping on my morning coffee…
I got the special one today…
Ready to press publish.
2020 is almost over… Only a short while left…
Days from now on will be getting longer again.
Earth will be eased up a bit in the eternal dance between the sun and the moon.
Onwards to 2021.
You will see more of my work soon…
~ Cristian
P.S. I am totally fine. No worries. :)
