My COVID-19 notes... And a heart that broke.

It was Ramadan 2017…

It was Ramadan 2017… Sitting in a taxi to the bus station of the city of Esfahan, Iran…

The taxi driver was an old man. Beautiful aged and had his nice vest on. Big old man belly. And a big old smile to accompany it.

On our way to the bus station his favorite song played on the radio and he was singing along. And wanted to show me his singing skills.

We didn’t speak the same language but understood each other. And it was one of those moments where you realize what traveling is all about.

The feeling of reading a thousand books in one second.

The feeling of answering your soul’s calling.

The feeling of that this moment is worth all the trouble you went through to get there.

I should have taken his portrait…

“I should have taken his portrait…” Is what I was thinking when I got on the bus… Next time… Next magical moment…

Emotions and practicality took overhand because me not speaking Farsi and trying to find the right bus among 50+ buses was quite the task. And like everyone in a strange country and want to go to your next destination, you want to be in the right one. Luckily so many sweet people around, and they guided me towards the right one.

Onward to my next destination, Shiraz…

The place place of the amazing Bagheri family and spaghetti ice cream…

A pandemic happened…

There is no going around it. The entire world is affected. Everything is at a stand still. And for a good reason of course.

When the press conference in the Netherlands at March 12th started, out of the blue a thunderstorm erupted. It was almost a scene of a movie where the thunder signaled the severity of the case and made sure we knew from now on the world would never be the same again.

Waking up…

One of the following mornings I woke up and I looked at my phone. There were a lot of text messages… They made me feel special and blessed. They were from friends from all over the world. Some from India, Iran, Myanmar, Colombia, France, Germany, the US, Jerusalem, the West-Bank…

I started to text them all back of course. And I texted all of the other people that immediately popped into my mind. I just wanted to know they are safe.

They are all okay. Thank god.

When it all lands…

My monkey mind where I always talk and write about was pondering again during the course of the morning…

And at that moment I got sad.

We all know the effects of things like these. And we already know all of the answers. But that moment when the man with the hammer comes and hits you over the head with it always comes to make it land a little bit harder. And there are so much layers to it.

Of course it sucks, for me as a individual that I cannot work on my documentary projects again all over the world. And sucks is an understatement. I worked all my life the come to this point and was not given a dime or didn’t receive any help getting there. I created that life for me, from nothing, and totally on my own, from a life where I had literally nothing.

Nothing was given. Everything was earned.

Seeing all things crumble before your eyes where you worked so hard for because of something that is out of your control just plainly fucking sucks.

But it is not important and totally not part of the point I am trying to make.

As a good stoic you know it is not under control. Will I be able to continue my projects this year? Or next year? I will dust myself off and try again when it is possible and rebuild.

It briefly passed my mind…

The feeling I describe above was actually a fraction of the thoughts I was having. And they went away when I was given a more important thought.

I am so lucky that I live here in the Netherlands. Where everything is efficient and well organized. And so is the COVID-19 response.

But what about all the people that are more vulnerable? Or people that I have met all over the globe that literally live in different worlds? The refugees? The ingenious people? All the others?

That was the moment my heart broke…

A lot of people are defenseless all over the world. I spoke to a friend who works for a aid organisation and she told me that it would be disastrous if the virus would hit the refugee camps.

And that would be the same for a lot of other places.

People are already without food after just a couple of days and weeks into the global lock-down. And a lot of people earn their money with the small business that they have, and feed their families with that money. There are mostly no savings. And what they got is what they have. So if they can’t earn. That means there is no food.

One can’t imagine how it is to go days without food and not knowing when there will be a next opportunity to get your next meal again.

Can’t drive your taxi, no income. Can’t sell your falafel, no income. Can’t sell your slippers, no income.

No income means no food. And you know what happens after that…

It was just one of the many thoughts I was having. And the scenarios were endless…

So many things to think about. And it is easy to get lost into a negative spiral your mind takes you. But it is a reality. Unemployed rates in the US have been about 20+ million. And I don’t know how many business in the Netherlands will survive.

Spain, Iran, and Italy had soaring death rates.

And the list goes on and on…

It really makes me sad. And even strong Dutch guys can shed a tear every once in a while.

So now what…

I don’t know…

I always have plenty of answers for every situation. But this time I haven’t. I wish I had. Things are looking good at this side of the world. Numbers of infection are going down. And luckily all of my friends at all the other sides over the world are safe. I am grateful for that.

And hopefully all the beautiful people I haven’t met yet are safe too.

I want to meet you one day…

It helped to get my mind out of that negative spiral of pondering.

Reflect…

It is a good moment for reflection though. Doesn’t matter who you are. To realize what is important and what isn’t. And maybe to focus to make the world a better place not only now. But also when all of this is over. Strive for happiness, whatever that means to you.

Make new connections with people, or repair them if that one is important to you. Or even break them if they are not healthy for you.

A lighter reflection moment. I never realized how many times I touch my nose during the day…

And also if there isn’t a better time to take photographs of your loved ones or situation (safely and responsible of course) and talk to your everyone that is important to you, it is now.

Let them know how you feel.

And I should really take more photograph in a casual setting too I just realized while uploading some phone photos to add to this post. Not just professional ones. But also the fun ones are important.

As far as photography goes. I am printing a lot more. Gave my darkroom a upgrade. And try to photograph and document they situation as much as possible.

So why am I writing…

Well first of all I am a story teller with traveling engraved in it’s soul. I really miss it… I really do…

But I cannot change it. And maybe I will write a future blog post why it is so important. Makes you learn. And how my grandfathers played a big role in it. They were real life Indiana Jones’s. That is for sure.

Writing is also a way to cope for me. Writing is good. If it is either writing in your journal just for your own, or a blog post.

So yes, right now I am coping. Writing. Venting. And dealing with this.

Like everyone else is doing…

Every story should have a ending…

The end of this write up is reminding me of a beautiful person that I know got upset because the movie Vertigo didn’t give any closure when the movie was over. (I love her for that fact alone.)

How and why Scottie did what he did, and Judy and the bell tower… Pfff… Yeah that was a moment in cinema history…

So for now closure in this story is that it, for me, now, is just documenting this situation. Writing. Venting. And put what my monkey mind is thinking into words or images.

If you have any book suggestions, maybe leave a comment. I am looking for new reading material.

The bigger story is still ongoing…

Be safe…

And everything will be fine in the end. And if it isn’t fine… It isn’t the end…

~ Cristian

When the Bagheri family dropped me off at the bus station when I was leaving Shiraz again.

Having tea on my birthday with Moly and her family.

A two hour talk with Mohammed about life, faith, and everything in between…

Snaps during national demonstration "No racism in the council."

Hey all,

Last of march 18th I took some snaps during the national demonstration "No racism in the council". Or in dutch "Geen racisme in de raden". All organized by the commite 21st of march. Or het comité 21 maart.

The demonstration is being held because of the local elections. And in short, there needs to be a counter voice against the social and economic injustice.

“The Netherlands is hardening/The situation in the Netherlands is rapidly becoming more problematic. People who have lived her for decades are now being labelled as threats. Young people looking for work are consistently rejected because of their last name. It’s claimed that there is no room for people fleeing war, poverty, or climate chaos. Muslims and refugees are being used as scapegoats to distract from growing socio-economic insecurity and inflation.”

— Comité 21 maart event page

I took some photographs during the march and I didn't want to keep them on my hard drive. And of course the biggest reason I am against injustice too! So the more eyes the better.

We need to be kinder and tolerant to each other anyway. Because if we keep treating each other and this earth the way we do it at this moment, we will eventually get bigger problems... But hey, that is a totally different topic!

And also maybe a good starter for a project about enviromental refugees...

Btw. If you want to use them for some reason. All my images are always copyrighted. So always nicely ask.