only me
my camera
and sometimes a pen
time flies by too fast
and I am too slow...
will I ever have enough time?
I do my best...
it doesn't matter what I say
or do
I have no control
tijd om lost te laten
or hold on
it feels like sand
I called home
niemand thuis
sometimes it seems
that the people in the street
can read my mind
they look
they stare
they are like sculptures of what my heart feels
I sometimes say I never believed
but somehow
yet
from the beginning
I always did
I'm tired
Someone else falls asleep
another phone
should I pick up?
I see a tree
the sky turns bright
daglicht
a flock of birds
I wish they were
something else
time to go home...
Tri-X
I am the richest man in the world... The story about me in Myanmar.
Cris you are the richest man in the world…
That is what she said when we ended lunch. Or at least something similar… It doesn’t matter in the end though. It is what she meant what counts.
A cold Saturday back in the Netherlands and she finally gave me the words that I needed to start writing again. I has been a while since my last decent story. But that is okay. It was a busy time.
Just returned back form Myanmar photographing one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced. What a trip…
I left…
*Note: Some photographs, and people I want to thank at the bottom.*
At the beginning of October I left the Netherlands to go on my adventure. Objective of the adventure: Try to tell the story of the indigenous tribes in Myanmar and how they deal with modern times.
First a small stop in Bangkok and from Bangkok I flew to Yangon, Myanmar. Too many airports, especially because I was traveling with a ton of film. But luckily all of the customs where so nice. Especially in Asia. They noticed me standing in line with my big see through bags full of film and my film was hand checked as soon as I got through customs myself. The airport in France on the other hand… They need to work on their manners a bit… But that is story is for another time… CDG, you suck.
In Bangkok I stocked up on even some more film and I was ready to go. For the people that are interested in what cameras I brought. It was my trusty Nikon FM2n and a old Yashica Mat 124G. As a back-up I brought my Nikon D810. A digital one. But that camera has never left my bag. My mind was determent this was going to be a analog only trip. If they could do it in the old days, it could be done now. And so I did.
Arriving in Yangon…
My arrival could have gone better. As soon as I got in the taxi I started feeling sick… What could it be… I never get sick… I shared the taxi with a girl which I have met at the airport and I tried to keep myself in order. Cracked open the window to get some fresh air, but with all the rain and thunder going on it was not the smartest of ideas.
As soon as I arrived in my hostel the food poisoning which I apparently had, kicked into fifth gear. Locking myself up in the toilet was the only option. Too bad the hostel turned off the water right at that exact moment.
Fuck.
Preparing for my last leg…
After being knocked off my feet for almost two days I got outside to get some fresh air and bought some Royal D. That is some sort of electrolyte drink and I needed that. I was so dehydrated… What I didn’t need was to be in a bumpy bus later that day, but I had no choice. I had to. Loikaw was up, and I just really wanted to go there. My final destination.
Luckily I met a super cool guy in the bus. And what do you know. I ran into him on the way back too.
The country had so many similarities to all the other countries I have been… And as soon as I arrived at the bus station right outside of the city it immediately felt like I was in Iran.
The whole country for me was the perfect combination of the kindness of the people of Iran, the amazing food of Vietnam, and the energy of the streets of India…
Beautiful…
Faith and a doorway to a store full of Longyi…
There she was. Standing in the doorway of a shop that sold longyis. A super big smile on her face, and so on mine. A split second was only needed before we recognized each other.
Victoria…
One of the beautiful souls that helped me so much on my way. Without her… I think most of my project would have failed. Or at least more difficult.
Professional photographer!!! it sounded!
Aaaaaaaah Victoria! So good to finally see you for real!
We exchanged a lot of messages over WhatsApp before my arrival and how she could have be of help. I ended up at random at one of her stores. I just went for a stroll to check out the city and stretch my legs, so faith decided I would meet her immediately without even texting her.
I love faith.
Me and the Chinese motorbike…
As stubborn sometimes I can be the first day I got myself a Chinese motorbike. Victoria warned me not to take that one. But me being Dutch and wanting to save money made me decide to take that one.
My ass did not thank me for that decision…
I took the motorcycle to drive to one of the first villages. It is not allowed to stay in the villages overnight, which I think is a really good thing. So the plan was to drive every morning to at least one of them and drive back before sunset.
But as unpredictable as life is… So was the rest of my journey…
Let me tell you about Moly…
Hair braided and hanging to the side with an umbrella in hand she walked towards me and asked me: Are you Cris?
The only thing I could think was she was like a beautiful young princess that could have walked right out of a Disney movie. Young and and early in her twenties I noticed she was the only one wearing western style dress…
Yes yes… I am Cris! I answered…
You must be Moly?
Moly was my interpreter in the village. I was so happy I immediately ran into her. This because after enjoying the beautiful landscapes of Myanmar I got lost, and it started to rain like Odin cried his heart out. The poncho I brought did it’s job perfectly. Camera dry, and my body too. My feet not so much, and so weren’t my glasses.
An interpreter is needed because all of the villages of the indigenous people around the country of Myanmar have their own language.
We were standing in the middle of the road, a soccer match to the left, a garrison of armed soldiers on the right. And us discussing what my plan was for the day and maybe the days later, and was I was to expect.
She hopped on the back of my Chinese motorbike the same way an amazon warrior does and told me to drive out of the village to one further away…
And so we drove…
Mulon…
I was honored to meet and have a talk with Mulon… She was one of the grandmothers of the village. She was cooking rice and preparing food for the community so Moly and I joined her for the cooking.
But what do you talk about?
I mean I am sort of good in conversation. And I have seen a lot in my life… But if you arrive finally at the place you have been preparing for, for a long time. And also, let’s be honest, seeing an old but beautiful woman with a neck almost twice the size as mine, I mean… That made me a little bit lost for words.
But after a short while the first jokes were cracked. And in the end we talked about everything that life is about.
The beauty is. And I think one of lessons you always learn no matter where you go in the world. We have more in common than we think, and we all long for the same things in life…
We ended with a portrait session…
Evil spirits…
I said goodbye to Moly for the day and made plans to return upcoming days. Because in an instant, this place already captured my heart.
Victoria made sure I was going to other places. Thank god for Victoria. I think I almost would have lived there already. So good of her that she kicked my ass into gear. Also she got me a way better motorbike.
So one of the mornings I went to the farthest place away… It was a three hour ride over mountain roads that were not always that good anymore. So a driver was needed. To share costs I joined a Spanish blogger, Manuela. And two young vibrant Burmese women, Sandar and Marina.
I cannot describe where we ended up in but it was so amazing. I think it was way to describe all of the times I arrived at a new places.
Manuela was put into traditional clothing, and off we went to the courtyard of a house in the middle of the village.
Pot and pans everywhere. A dead pig in some burning bushes. And than it started…
There was some commotion…
A rifle shot…
Playing of drums began…
The shaman was doing his ceremony with spear and shield, walking on the beat of the drum. And on some of the drum beats, more rifle fire.
They were old rifles… So old and bent, I think if you want to go out and shoot something with it you will probably hit yourself in the foot. Or any other place other than the target.
But that is okay. For the ceremony it did exactly what it had to do…
The shaman was doing all of this to get the evil spirits away from the house. Catch them. Put them in a basket with some bamboo strips and chicken bones. And bury it outside of the village where they can do no to anyone.
At one moment more rice wine…
My stomach still wasn’t settled but I drank it anyway. I mean, you only live once… And I actually quite like it. And luckily it is without alcohol I learned later. That’s a good thing… Because a couple of days later on my birthday I drank a lot more!
Fuck, it’s my birthday…
My phone started ringing early in the morning… It was Victoria.
Happpppppppyyyy Biiirrtthhdaayyy Crrriiiissss!!!
She remembered and she was actually the first one to congratulate me. Later that day she was also responsible for one of the three times I celebrated it.
I never celebrate it like a normal Dutch person does. I like it and don’t like it at the same time. I always try to be away but with Victoria around there was no escaping it.
But I had to put some clothes on… Super excited. Because I was going back to the first village and meet up with Moly and her grandmother.
Moly’s grandmother was not alone. She brought her best friend… Phaw…
For my birthday we went to their favorite place. A rice field somewhere in the mountains. It was quite the walk, but those two grandmothers walked like the wind. 78 and 74 years old but so strong and agile.
At one point we ran into a cow herder and he asked Moly where they hid me. This because I was so big in comparison to the locals and it is not allowed to stay there overnight. I had to laugh. In the Netherlands I am just normal… At least my length. My body is still that of an Olympic Weightlifter.
Soul Sisters…
They told me some amazing stories during the walk. The one I remember most vividly is that of when they were young they both had the dream of marrying a boy from the same village so they can stay together forever. And so they did… Still together as best friends in the same village…
Well if that isn’t the most beautiful and romantic story you have ever heard I just don’t know anymore…
True soul sisters and they found a way to stay together trough all of the difficult times and conflict the country has known…
The rest of the day we spend on the porch and drank some rice wine. Moly has secretly gotten me a gift gift for my birthday. A handmade scarf she made herself. It is just a gem. But what she didn’t realize, is that spending my day with her, having lunch with her family, drinking wine was the best gift I could ever have…
Even when the little kids asked me if I was in an accident because my entire body was covered in Thanaka. I was completely sunburned by now. And it was the only thing that helped.
I had to laugh a bit.
No I am fine haha. It is just a sunburn.
Time passes on…
Like I always say… Time is the most precious commodity in the world. It can’t be stopped or bought… And you can only spend it once…
That makes the rest of the day even more special. Victoria showed up at the restaurant with the biggest birthday cake I have ever had. Literally I never had such a big one! My name was on it and even a camera. How in the name of god could she have fixed that so quickly!
Time can maybe never be stopped. But these are memories I will forever carry with me…
End of my main objective…
The rest of my remainder of my time I continued photographing as much I could find of the local villages and there was gas in my motorbike. I you have any clue how difficult that is. Normal street photography rules don’t apply if you step into a different world. Not if you want to tell their real story and to be honorable about your work at the same time. Photographs are always given…
The story is also far from over…
Villages with dragon hats, got stung by a bee in my eye, got lost again…
But at one point I had to travel back…
Back to the biggest city of the country…
Back to the former capital…
I shed a little tear when I said goodbye and off I went, back into the night bus…
But it was not all bad. Met up with Sandar again and also gave me a birthday present and took me out for dinner. My third birthday party!!!
Had some amazing conversations with Natalia which I have also met in Yangon. And also Tyler my beer guzzling Australian buddy.
Time to relax after. After all my Holiday sort of started now I was done…
So Cris, will you ever come to the “you are the richest man in the world” part?
I will no worries…
If you have made it this far you have sincerely earned it…
Thank you for that…
The story so far sounds amazing. And honestly by itself it is a once in a lifetime experience. And I could already measure my richness in just this trip. But you probably have discovered that richness for me is not in money…
One of the topics discussed during the lunch is also being proud of who you are and that it is allowed to let it be part of your story… And also that it is allowed to be proud of yourself.
If I look at my life in retrospect I have plenty to be proud of and not in an arrogant kind of way. But I have never stood still for real about that. I mean I know it, but I also know nothing more than grinding… Working hard… Because in my monkey mind that is the only way to achieve my dreams…
My dad dying…
So let me tell you a little bit about myself…
My dad dying was and is still a big reason why I do what I do. Maybe it is also my souls path. But still…
I was only three years old when it happened but thinking of it now makes me remember his funeral very vividly… His coffin, how hard I cried, and the people I sought comfort with.
After my dad died my stepfather did something so atrocious to one of my family members we had to run away in an instant and were literally without a home for a while…
Of course sleeping at your grandparents and uncle at one point is still a roof. But still it’s not a good and healthy way to grow up.
When our family has been through many court sessions and other things we finally found a place for ourselves in the worst neighborhood of the city I lived in.
Waking up from gunshots… Stepping over junkies in the morning to grab my bike to go to school… No money…
The mailman even got beat up. And my gym owner learned me how to shave.
Growing up like that with literally nothing. I was so driven to make most of my life. That of course came with a shitload of mistakes. But the drive was always there. Working, training hard, studying. All at the same time. Too bad days only contained 24 hours… I made myself a promise to escape that life if it was the last thing I did.
And so I did…
I did so many things I am proud of but these are the ones I want to mention.
I achieved something later in age in Olympic Weightlifting I thought I would never do when I picked up my first barbell when I was fifteen.
And became an successful IT engineer at one of the best companies in my country. The same company also gave me the opportunity to follow my dreams to become a photographer and work part time for them.
Even learned to play three instruments and played in an awesome metal band and did some awesome shows.
And now, traveling the world…
With my camera…
As a storyteller, meeting nothing but beautiful souls along the way…
How in gods name can I not be the richest man in the world?…
~ Cristian
Some special mentions I have to make after this story. And if I forgot you. Don’t worry. You are indeed in my heart.
Victoria. Moly. Sandar. Natalia. Sai Arkar Min Tun. William. Marina. Manuela. Stephan. Leonard. Kaitlin. Nick. Lukas. Tyler. Luiza. James. Batman. Sky… My friends back-home. Tino & Alina. Wing. Eelco.
Without you nothing of this was possible.
*Note: Some photographs below. Working on these kind of projects is hard and is not free despite it is super cool to do. And also shooting analog makes it even more expensive and difficult. I still have to work on the side you know… I know my art is not affordable for everyone but there are so many way to support me. Share my name. Share a post or article. Buy a digital print which is cheaper. The options are endless. But please do not distribute my photographs without my consent. In the end when I have developed everything and the editing process will be done it will be up as a project and some handmade, high-end fine art prints will also be available.*
Some phone snaps…
Coffee in the old city of Jerusalem, Sore feet, and defining your why...
Like I promised…
My feet are still tired… Writing this laying on my couch rolled up like a hamster ready for bed. Banging out this blog post that I have promised to you all.
But you have to forgive me. A lot has happened since I got back home. You know… Life… And all of it happened at the same time. Even squeezed in a couple of shoots and one of them was a lomography one.
But it is all for the greater good. Telling stories!
Heading straight for the coffee…
The time has come. Finally working again on my long term project “Neshama Sheli“. I was so happy yo be on the plane again.
As soon as I arrived I could not help myself my friend Issam. He has the best coffee house in the entire of country. I totally forgot it was Friday and that he is closed on Fridays. The stroopwafels I have brought him had to wait a day extra…
So that meant walking around Jerusalem until my feet hurt. That last part happened for sure since I walked 62KM in the first couple of days!
That does not seem much spread over a amount of time. But with all the hills up and down it was actually quite the walk.
Before I forget…
Since the reason why you have stumbled upon my blog probably is photography. Some of you might think it is interesting what stuff I have brought.
Well… That is easy. Not much…
Two bodies. One analog, one digital. The analog a Nikon FM2n. The digital, a Nikon D810.
I always prefer analog but sometimes digital is more practical.
Film, I bought that when I got there. The whole reason is that it is more practical and is also part of my research. The downside of that is that you have to do with what you find. I have found a lot of Kodak. That is not bad. I am a Ilford guy when it comes to Black and White. But I will never complain if Kodak Tri-X is the one that is available. And who cares in the end anyway. They both rule.
Oh, and only three lenses. Two 35mm’s. One Sigma Art for the D810. And a Nikon 35mm Nikon F1.8 ai. Also my Carl Zeiss 50mm.
This keeps it small. And even got room in my day pack for underpants and protein bars.
And in my opinion. If you can’t do it with one lens you need to be more proficient.
But enough about gear. It really is not important. It just does not need to break down and that is it. That does not mean I don’t love a beautiful camera. But getting your hours in and the reason why is way more important.
My why…
The first what I thought when I got back home was: Now I understand! Not the situation, but more the whole reason why some of my photographic heroes were working on a project for like ten years or something.
I guess that is also the whole reason why you “why” is so important. The “why“ is always important. Just to keep that perseverance to keep rocking when all your chips are down. Even Simon Sinek wrote his best selling book about that subject.
I do this because of: And fill in the blanks...
I frees my mind…
It gives my emotions a place…
I love him or her…
It gives me inner peace…
It is easy to do things when they are fun. But if you are in in for the long haul… Your “why” better be a good damn good one.
You still haven’t told me yours…
One of my favorite poets (Rumi) has a quote: “Let yourself be silently drawn by the strange pull of what you really love. It will not lead you astray” .
If you are following me for a while you know I do everything by gut feeling. But there is also a explainable part of this all…
Despite I am a social creature it also feels for me I am a little bit of an odd one. And fitting in is not really my thing, nor I feel I have ever did. I really don’t like stuff a lot of “normal“ people like. And I have the strangest urge to make sense out of that strange journey that is called life. If that makes any kind of sense at all…
So if I want to makes sense to any of it why not go to the region that is the origin of the three big modern religions… And so I did three years a go. It seemed like a good place to start.
Photography in the end is a search within yourself…
I never expected during the first time I went there it would become plenty of more times. Every country that I come I fall in love with. But somehow, this place…
The first time I stood in front of the western wall I even cried a little. And I am not even Jewish. I am as Dutch as I can be.
But also the Dome of the rock quiet down my ever going monkey mind. And the church of the holy sepulcher had certain calm.
So many stories… So many people… All of them with a why…
But there is more…
No worries… My passion of explaining things goes beyond Israel and the Palestinian territories. I want to see the whole world. And I have gotten quite far already.
The drive is bigger…
The world is an amazing place. And we can learn so much from each other. If we somehow get those stories across imagine where we can be! Colombia, Japan, Indonesia! It is all still on the list.
So many people to talk to… So much things to learn… And ergo, so many stories to tell…
I use photography as my medium.
So that is sort of my “why“…
Things I ran into…
It is so super interesting how being social differs from place to place all across the globe. The whole plan was to talk to as many people as possible instead of just doing random street photography. Because street photography alone just doesn’t cut it.
It is cool to do. Of course! But if you want to give your work more depth talking to people is the only way.
Well… That part is easier said than done. There are of course plenty of people. But in comparison to for example Vietnam or India, or Iran it was a bit more difficult to start a casual conversation. I had to work for it… In other countries people somehow automatically come to me. But in Jerusalem it was more like home. Other areas were more easy.
But was I satisfied when I got back home? Not not really… But like I said earlier… Now I understand why things take so long!
Not that I have not met some beautiful people. I did! If some of you will read the blog you know who you are.
The story continues…
I focused mainly around Jerusalem and Bethlehem again. This mainly because my train of thought was because of it was just after pesach (passover), Ramadan started, and memorial day was also happening. And most of the stories were hopefully developing around those places. Plus it is just a nice place to be and Jerusalem is centrally located to everywhere you want to go.
But I think next time I will roam around a bite more. Or rent a car or something.. I don’t know. That is stuff for future Cris.
Aida and Dheisheh refugee camp…
I was here last time too. And I could of course not be in the neighborhood without saying hello to my friend, Omar. He lives in the Dheisheh refugee camp and is an artist and musician.
I went though the same checkpoint as last year. The same one where I have written about last year (link here).
It has changed… A lot!
Checkpoint 300. Instead of going though a regular gate there is a building now where you have to go through. Still turnstiles. Still the cattle like exit. And still the annoying cab drivers in the end.
We chatted a lot. About life, love, girls, music… His car that he had to turn in because it was illegal. That story was a bit funny. Sorry man haha…
It is so interesting how much our lives differ and in so much aspects are so the same. For him the water truck comes once every thirty days if he is lucky… I can just open the tap. But still, we both like waffles and are afraid of spiders.
He also told me he started working out. Better have some gainz next time I am there bro!
At the graveyard…
Apparently we are not only afraid of spiders… He wanted to show a martyrs graveyard. And like the name says, it is a graveyard where the local martyrs are being buried.
We had to be quiet because there was a young woman mourning. Here brother was killed not that long ago. And every day she was there because she missed him a lot. This was one of the moments you have to put your camera away and just let someone be…
We wanted to give our tired feet some rest so we sat down on a bench, but a humongous queen bee suddenly showed up and we both yelled like little girls and ran off. That beast was enormous!
After we came to a safe distance we pretended the bee had nothing on. Like the young cool kids do…
Memorial Day…
My blog post has no structure at all this time. But hey… what can you do!
A couple of days later it was memorial day… There are quite some similarities with the memorial day we have in the Netherlands. We just have one siren and stay quiet for two minutes to remember the atrocities of the second world war, and the fallen since then. In Israel you have two sirens. Because it literally is a day. First one was the preceding evening at 20:00 and the second one at 11:00 in the morning…
The entire city and country stops what they are doing.
This was also one of my moments of getting back to reality. If you stay somewhere for a while things start to get normal.
My lasagna theory…
Earlier that week about 250+ rockets were fired from the Gaza strip, and it wasn’t on my mind already.
I dubbed this my lasagna theory. I like lasagna a lot! But if you every day it starts to get normal and it is not special anymore. You get used to it…
From my own country I am used to stop the car or motorbike on the side of the road and everyone is most of the time respectful… And what I do is I try to remember the people that are important to me that are no longer here. And say thank you.
It was this moment where you realize that I was in an area where not everyone could get along. Of course the Israeli - Palestinian conflict is still active and that’s the reason not everyone participated in the moment of silence. You can probably can guess the reason why.
It was a teaching moment for myself and made me more curious. Is it ever going to end? Will they ever get along? Will there ever be an end to the conflict? And what can we learn from all of this in the rest of the world?
But what now…
By now it is already three days later since I have started writing… The rain has started falling down. Thunder is coming. And there are plenty strips of film waiting for me to be printed… And the official project page needs to be updated. All the editing…
Believe me. I have plenty of anecdotes.
But writing long blog posts always leaves me with more questions. And I will write more on a later moment.
All I know is I had a great and interesting time again. And I have met some beautiful souls along the way. Bracha, Issam, they woman from television in Japan, Omar, Jared. The dudes from Japan. And all the other people I spoke to. Thanks for everything.
Jerusalem. I hope to see you soon again… You give me a home away from home…
Neshama Sheli. You are indeed important to me. You are a part of my soul…
One last thing…
One last thing that remains… Is figuring out what the band was I was dancing to at the Mahane Yehuda market in the evening… “Feel it in my brain“ and plenty of others songs. I danced my ass off! So if anyone has a clue… Please let me know! That song made me happy. :)
- Cristian
A quick date with Kodak Tri-X.
Leftover rolls…
I thought it was a good idea to write more about some of my processes. And especially when I shoot something different than regular. Of course I would rather give you constant travel and adventure updates. But unlike the internet likes you to believe, real life is not always like that.
I shoot both digital and analog. But all of the experimenting you can do with film is just so much fun! Of course when I shoot with film I have my preferences. I just love Ilford and particular HP5+ 400. For me it is the perfect film. But sometimes I just have to try out new stuff.
And in that case, old stuff. Because when I was cleaning up my fridge I found out that I had two rolls of Kodak Tri-X 400 left.
Good excuse to go out and shoot.
Sidenote: I noticed afterwards that I even had some more. But those are expired. I will safe all the expired film for a later fun thing when I have plenty of time to spend.
Just doing random stuff…
I had no particular plan or anything. I just went out and shoot. First roll of Tri-X 400 on EI 1600 and than pushed two stops with developing. Same as I actually always do with my film. And the other one on box speed so I could screw around with long exposures.
The thing is. You do have to develop twice in that case. So don’t plan it when you are in a hurry and you want to see your results quickly. You can’t dump them in the same tank.
The first one which I have shot wasn’t all that different from every other film you eventually push two stops. So that was just walking around Amsterdam, Haarlem, and Utrecht and having fun.
For the second one I have brought along my tripod. I was trying to experiment with long exposures and multiple exposures at the same time.
The long exposures as a single shots turned out well. There was nothing wrong with those. But when you combine them with multiple exposures you miss the definition in the people. You only can get them when you are really quick with the “please don’t advance the film“ lever I think. I guess that is the whole reason why Titarenko was so good. Making good long exposures with people in it are just goddamn hard.
Technical details…
As far as the technical details of the developing process. I have used Ilford DD-X developer, Ilfostop, and Ilford Rapid Fixer. All of them on 20 degrees Celsius. So nothing fancy actually.
Deja Vu…
No philosophical message this time. Except for maybe just have fun and try new stuff… But what I did remembered is why I don’t like Tri-X! And that is it is curly as hell! And the film also damages quite easy I think. And it is not that I am a ruffian with the medium.
No dust magnet though. So that is a plus…
On aesthetics. I think that is just a matter of taste. I just like the way Ilford looks more. It is more me… Although Tri-X also has that classic look that all of the legends had. Sometimes you get that whole Garry Winogrand or Bruce Gilden vibe.
Speaking of legends!
What I always get reminded about how much shooting analog differs from digital. Especially mirror-less… You get instant feedback how your image looks. Particularly with those electronic viewfinder… Oh boy. I get why people like it. And than to think of it what kind of amazing work all of my heroes produced with all of the equipment from that age.
No auto focus…
No electronic viewfinder…
No feedback…
I mean, you have to visualize the entire image. And your feedback how it looks can take from hours to days. No fancy gadget makes you a better photographer. But it sure makes life easier.
But I digress!
Like always!
My damn monkey mind…
Not the longest post this time. But in the end it is just about sharing work and words, and hopefully that it reaches someones heart somehow.
Have a good one….
- Cristian
Learn from this mistake... My adventure with Ilford PAN F and a jetlag.
Happy new year to you all!
First blog post of 2019. And let me start off by saying that I appreciate every single one of you that takes the time to read my articles.
Thinking in soundtracks…
I was supposed to write this earlier in the day but I had a severe case of procrastination and I finally bought magnum contact sheets. Than my monkey mind got tricked in by looking at my scans again because if all the master could make it look that beautiful back in the day. I should’t have a problem with all this modern equipment!
Well…
I actually don’t have too much problems with scanning. Except of those pesky Vietnam negatives. Did some tweaks on my more recent scans I took on an estate close by. And my self confidence was restored.
Yes! I did not suck as hard as I was thinking I was!
So with those tweaks. Got my Vietnam negatives in the scanner again. And they still are the same…
That triggered a track from the band Down - Learn from this mistake…
I always seem to think in lyrics or soundtracks or whatever if I do something. Don’t know why. But that is just how my brain works.
How it happened…
Everything went well actually! I found film in Ho Chi Minh. Got through customs with a hand check. In China as well as Vietnam. And got the film home safely.
Like I told you in the last blog post, the security officers treated me so nice. Hand checks were never that easy. So if you are a security agent at Chinese or Vietnamese customs. You are appreciated to treating this film photographer so nicely.
So I came home…
And being as excited as I always am I immediately got to work. Backed-Up all of my digital files. Threw the into Lightroom. And of I went.
Same goes for my analog shots…
I do all of the processing myself…
Processing yourself is way more fun than bringing it to a lab. And with the amount of rolls I have shot I am getting quite proficient in it.
You have so many advantages like, being more cost effective, in charge of your own quality, experimentation, magic. (Yes developing and printing analog film really is magic…)
But because I am so proficient my ego got the best of me…
I apparently had a jet-lag!
So that means I am human after all…
Into my dark bag I went…
I popped everything into my dark bag. Rolled the films on the spools. Got it in the Patterson tanks safely without light. That part… Went well… Like it should!
Than the developing started. Mixed my chemicals according to the massive dev chart.
BTW! I haven’t mentioned it in this article. But the film I just in Vietnam was Ilford PAN 400.
I love Ilford.
And unfortunately they did not have HP5+. Or at least I could’t find it…
Anyways. Back to the story…
What happened during developing is that because I was so tired and almost fell asleep I mixed up the order of the treatment. After I was done I have gotten in the fixer first and than the stop. It should be the other way around…
I still had and image but the grain was bigger and harsher, and there were some glows over the film. And weird other stuff.
I never would have have taken a risk normally. And especially not if it was work for a client. But somehow this one time I slipped up.
So why write about it?
So why write about it huh… Well. If everything went well in life we never would have gong any better. You need to indeed learn from your mistakes. Even if at the moment a situation doesn’t look import, in this case being tired. It would never make me a better developer. Or a photographer!
Also appreciation…
We are so lucky now with all the digital stuff. Writing this article with Magnum contact sheets next to me gives me the realization how much of a craftsman all of them were, and are.
We all hopefully know that a good photograph is not made by the camera. Even if you have the most advanced device ever. And that thing in your pocket is no slough either. You still need vision and creativity to make an image. Composition is everything…
But I am more trying to say is that everyone in that book, or even wasn’t in that book was so more aware of what they were doing. Craftsmanship and thinking things though were the order of the day. While the internet now is complaining about no dual memory card slots in the new Nikon Z1, they just had one roll. And for 36 exposures the same set ISO (ASA). And after that when it got send back, it was all in the hands of the gods. Than a lab technician came into play. The list goes on and on…
A bit more technical…
If you are curious how I developed it…
My recipe for this bunch was:
Rodinal 1 to 50.
Ilford Ilfostop 1 to 19.
Ilford Rapid Fixer 1 to 4.
Developing time 24 minutes since I pushed the Ilford PAN 400 to 1600. All of that on 20 degrees Celsius.
I always love to push my film. And this time I chose Rodinal. Other times I use Ilford DDX. Actually. That is now my preferred developer…
And now for the photographs…
Cris! They look like crap! Well… Yes, if they would have looked pretty this story would have been a lot shorter haha. They are shot on a Nikon FM2n with a 50mm f 1.6 AI. 50mm is totally not my focal length… But it is what it is. My 35mm was on my digital one. And I always travel minimal. But I immediately got my hands as soon as I got home on a new old 35mm AI that will replace the 50mm.
For comparison. There are some later developed photographs. Same method. Only not screwing up.
But now… A few minutes later when I am looking at them again they actually are not that bad. At least aesthetically. But you have to ignore the tint shifts and other weird spots you see haha. And I seem to have a memory they looked worse when they came out than they look now.
Here there Vietnam photographs. (Navigate by pressing the buttons on side).
As you can see there are spots and tint shifts. The inversion process was like always. Smooth. And right on time.
Same process. But not get the order wrong. Images are way more clearer and sharper.
Conclusion.
People say that black and white is the most forgiving format to develop. And is less prone to mistakes. Of course they are right in comparison to color film. But that does not mean they are bulletproof.
You still need to get your hours in and fine tune you whole process.
Take your time…
You only have one shot with your negatives. So give them the attention they need…
Going to Vietnam, Listening to an old lady singing Celine Dion songs, and freezing in China
Bags are packed…
I started writing this post in a stuffy hotel room in China. Meanwhile in the background the television was on, and a lady with a mustache singing Celine Dion songs. All of this together in a perfectly choreographed dance with her partner. Gotto love Chinese television…
So what the hell was I doing in a stuffy hotel room in China?
Well… I was on my way back from a trip I never would have expected to take this year. Vietnam!
I didn’t have that much time…
It was a short trip. I only had two weeks, and I had to make a short detour through China. Not that I was complaining, but China was freezing my balls of so cold was it! The downside was that having a long layover is that it will eat your time up at your final destination.
But with everything in life. You need to see the positives of it. And that gave me some thing to do some sightseeing in China itself. Despite I didn’t bring winter clothes. Silly me…
I just checked the weather in Ho Chi Minh and that is it!
The start of my adventure…
My adventure started about two weeks earlier give or take. Hopped on the plane in the middle of the day. Got all my baggage checked by security. And off I went.
In my research I looked for stores in Ho Chi Minh that sell Ilford film, and maybe some other analog stuff. This, because I was trying to minimize the chances of film going through an X-Ray scanner. Those scanners say they are film safe. But most of the time only to 800 ASA and I guess when you value your work you just don’t take the chance. It can leave some ugly glow across your film or some even more ugly lines. X-Ray is also light. Just very strong. The security personal did noticed my camera gear btw, and treated it with all of the care it needed. But more on that in the conclusion of my story.
The lady with the sign…
Anyways! After about and eleven hours I arrived in Beijing. And my whole plan for the layover was to do some sightseeing and maybe rent an sleeping pod for a couple of hours somewhere. But to my surprise there were two lovely Chinese ladies with a sign and my name on it! Also the name of some other travelers.
There was a little confusion because of the language barrier. But after a lot of talking with hand and feet the end conclusion was: Free hotel room!
Woohoo!
I like free stuff! But maybe that is because I am Dutch haha.
It turns out that you get a free hotel room with your plane ticket when you fly with China Southern airlines. Who would have known…
So got my 72 hour visa. Everyone got a sticker except for me. :( And took a long shower in the hotel room.
Sightseeing time!
My fellow companions of fate were a Dutch couple, a dude with a Roomba, and a German couple. We exchanged numbers during checking, because when you encounter these kind of surprises it is always smart to sort of have a line to each other in case something is the matter. And we all wanted to see the great wall of China.
So here we went! In the taxi, of to the great wall. And getting some Chinese money in the process. I called them Yen, but that is Japan. Sorry Japan! haha.
Because it was so freaking cold the great wall there were no crowds there. So for me that meant great photo opportunities!
Time for some noodles and onward with my journey…
And so I did…
After another six hour flight I arrived at Ho Chi Minh airport. We all split up to our final destination but the German couple was looking for a place to stay. And told them I was not staying in the party district, but in hostel at a district that was more easy going. I am not much of a party person, and my main goal was to photograph and chill out.
2019 is going to be a busy year for my with some hard to photograph places. So this was my sort of work / vacation trip.
They liked the sound of that and decided to join me.
I am so they did because they turned out to be this trips amazing souls.
If you follow me and my projects and travels I always met a person or persons that will make everything worth while. India there was the Professor. Claire and Ricky always have a special place in my heart. Chana. And the list goes on and on… If I didn’t name you, believe me, I didn’t forget you.
And now Tino and Alina. Thank you so much for the wonderful time I had while I was in your company.
Time to kill…
We could’t check into the hostel yet because we had to wait until two ‘o clock. So that meant time to kill.
Btw, the hostel I was staying in was DaBlend hostel. It was the cleanest hostel I have ever stayed in. Everything was so well organized. And the personal, especially Khoa are the coolest. So if you are like me and just want to do some work while chilling out if you are in Ho Chi Minh go to this place. Here is a link.
It turned out Alina is a photographer too. So after we dropped our bags and had some ice coffees we went out to do some photography. Got some great shots in, and walked a lot and had loads of fun.
Dragon Ball Z hands and time for bed…
We ended the super lang day with some beers and some food and some more beers on the roof. Apparently after I have had some Saigon beers I get Dragon Ball Z hands. Who would have known…
Time to rest…
Getting my hands on some film…
Ah morning! Time to be productive. I do my best photography alone and I also needed to get my hands on analog film I went out not too late. During my research I found the croplab.
Croplab didn’t have the film I normally use. I am a big fan of Ilford HP5+. But all they had of the Ilford brand was PAN 400 and Ilford Delta. In the end I chose to ho with the PAN 400.
Never had that one before and had to make a decision on the spot. So PAN 400 it was!
After I bought it I did some research during my rest moments. And it turns out it is not that common that you can get it here in western Europe. So that made it even more exciting for me! It was one big surprise how everything was going to turn out.
More on the results of the developed Ilford PAN 400 photographs in the blog post after this one.
The upcoming days…
The upcoming days were filled with everything I have planned. Went to a monastery close to the Cambodian border. Altough it was very cliche, but a big part of the history of Vietnam went to the Cu Chi tunnels and also shot some guns, and of course, plenty of more photography.
It broke my heart…
I do have to say this. And this is a reprimand to all tourist and I am very serious about it. At a couple of places. And especially the the religious places. There were a crapload of people misbehaving. And no, not young people. People of all ages, but especially the “elder” crowd.
It broke my heart that at a place where people were performing these very old traditions the tourists treated it like it was the McDonald’s.
Behave! Don’t be a dick! And keep your mouth shut! And also put that selfie stick in a place, or selfies in general, at a place where the sun doesn’t shine.
I am not doing that at your home either!
So if you read this. And you have the feeling that I am addressing you, I probably am.
Observe. Don’t consume!
You should know better…
Back to the fun stuff!
We took public transportation to most of the locations. But it takes a while. So at one time we were completely beat, and also a little scared that we weren’t able to get into the city because Vietnam was in the finals of the AFF Suzuki cup (Soccer). Luckily we entered the city just in time before the final whistle. Had to make one stop. But when the final whistle blew the city exploded in joy!
Haha at one point we had to celebrate with a group of Vietnamese people who were so excited to see us. Can’s of beers! Lot’s of photos with the foreigners! And chanting and cheering!
Congratulations Vietnam on the cup!
Time to get home…
Of course I want to tell you every other bit of this adventure. But i will spread those across future stories. Or maybe when you see me in real life, you can buy me a beer and I will tell you anyway.
It was time time for me to pack and head home. Lot’s of photos. Digital as well as analog.
The route i was going to take was the same one as I took on my way towards Vietnam. But now with a crapload of analog film.
I told all of you earlier that film can’t really handle X-Ray scanners that well. So I asked everyone security officer if they were able to hand check my film by hand.
And they did!
I guess this also counts like everything in life. Just ask politely, put up a big smile, and tell passionate about the gear you have. And don’t feel entitled to anything.
All of the security officers treated my film with all the care they could give it. As they did with me. Some even got excited to see it. That gave me a comfortable feeling.
If you don’t want to risk it anyway. The alternative is to find a place that can process your film. Developed film can not be harmed by scanners.
The reason I bring undeveloped film home with me is because I want to be in complete control of the developing process.
A couple of days later…
Now I am back at home. Already thinking of the next adventures I will have in 2019…
Not listening to Chinese Celine Dion, but to the Doors on vinyl.
Having the daunting task to go trough all of my work. That is always quite the project by itself…
Alina and Tino thanks again!
Merry Christmas you all of your that have taken the time to read this blog post.
The next one will be about the analog photographs I took and the developing process.
And remember…
It is Christmas 365 days a year…
- Cristian
The small KOZP demonstration photo series...
Protest…
Last Saturday I attended the “Kick out Zwarte Piet” demonstration to document it held at the city of the Hague.
In the Netherlands where I live we have a holiday named “Sinterklaas” or in English, Saint Nicholas.
Saint Nicholas is accompanied by Black Piet, and that is where the whole story is about.
Black Piet is portrayed as a black face. And in these times while we try to fight racism so hard on one hand, and the world is getting more polarized on the other. Is there really still a place for a character like Black Piet…
Pro or Against Piet. This is a tumultuous time which exposes some horrible cracks in the, for the outside world, the very tolerant society of the Netherlands.
And that alone makes it an important time for Dutch history…
For me… That means it needed to be documented.
Tolerance…
If you are curious where I stand on this topic…
I am against racism, intolerance, and discrimination in any, way shape or form. Period.
We should go back to Krampus anyway.
He is way cooler and is the first OG of Piets…
The monkeys did it! - My days in Varanasi, India...
I’ve been home a couple of weeks now…
My Instagram feed make you want to believe otherwise because I am still posting photographs of India. But hey! Why not! I just created a lot of work over there that I wanted to share.
Trying…
I’ve been trying to write this blog post ever since the day I have returned home. But you know… Life… Ha! I always was surprised why some photographer seem to only update their blog every once in a while. But trying to juggle a lot of things all at once makes me realize the reason why that happens…
But! For now I have some me time again. So that means going through about 3000 photographs which I took in India of course. Writing my blog. And also, thinking about a way to present my work. In real life that is… Not digitally. As many people know I hate looking at photographs in the digital form. You need to hold them.
But like always I digress…!
Back to India!
I landed in Delhi like most people do. Around midnight I got my backpack from the luggage carousel, and oh so fucking tired of the flight I stepped outside looking for my driver…
I’ve been lucky to see much of this world already. And when I was doing my research my first reaction was. Aaaaaah the chaos in India is probably not as intense as they say it is!
Well I can tell you… It is!
Even in the middle of the night it was so busy everywhere… The busiest city I have seen so far was Tehran, Iran. But that one seems orderly in comparison to the chaos when you arrive in Delhi…
It was warm, humid, and dusty…
I stayed a couple of days in Delhi. I’m not really a fan of big cities. But it would be a shame if I just flew to Varanasi immediately.
I guess Delhi was a good way to acclimatize to the moist and heat, but mainly all of the honking… I still have some nightmares about the honking! I really needed those days because nothing else could prepare me more than Varanasi itself…
In Delhi i roamed mostly around the old city. Which is nice… The light is good, the dust creates some nice looks. And plenty of people and scenes to creates some nice images and warm up. And of course plenty of street food!
The only thing you need to look out for is crooked tuktuk drivers and touts. But other than that… Just roam around, eat plenty, and have fun.
The culture shock that is Varanasi…
I took a domestic flight to Varanasi. I wanted to go by train, but with all the hassle I had to go through with the new website that the Indian railways has got, and I wasn’t planning to let fate decide this trip what kind of train seat I would have. It seemed like a good idea!
Don’t get me wrong. I do think if you have plenty of time you really need to take the train! It will probably be a adventure by itself…
Varanasi was even warmer. And when my driver picked me up from the airport I guess it was roughly an hour drive to the city. For everyone who reeds this. A tuktuk will also get you there and is more fun and cheaper. And you don’t get any tricky questions if you want to upgrade to an airco one haha.
As soon as you arrive the chaos begins. Varanasi is so busy! Especially when I arrived… It was a holiday. Gandhi Jayanti. So a lot of Indian people travel to the city to do their rituals in the Ganges.
Being in Delhi first did indeed prepared me a little bit for everything. The business… Chaos… And the honking! My god! When will the honking ever stop!
The honking is being used as some sort of echo location to see if someone is close by or something. Even in the tiniest streets, motorbikes will try to go through the crowds and honk their way onwards…
As soon as I arrived in the guest house I was staying I started to explore. With my trusty camera of course. There is no better way than just dive right in!
Gear…
BTW, if you read this, and you are a camera nerd, and the chance of that might be quite big…You are most likely interested in which gear I brought. Well that is a very short list…
It was a Fujifilm X100F. A Fujifilm X-Pro 2 with just one 23mm lens. (35 mm equivalent ). And plenty of batteries and memory cards. That was it! I din’t even need the batteries because if you learn to turn off your camera yourself it lasts longer and is quicker ready to shoot, than it gets out of sleep mode…
In the end I only used the X100F. And no regrets…
So screw the gear!
I started at the main ghat. Ghats is what makes Varanasi, Varanasi I guess… It is the heart and the soul of the city. And those are the places where life happens…
The main ghat was so busy! I felt like I was in an ant hill… But it was really interesting to see all the rituals and traditions going on…
It was not the place for me though. For me the most interesting moments happened when I was roaming between the most southern ghat ( Assi Ghat ) and just right before the main ghat.
You can go even more northern. But somehow it was less appealing to me.
And also a small but not less important. The ghats were covered in mud! There has been a flood. And there was mud everywhere… So that gave it’s own challenges… There was a huge cleanup operation going on that made for some interesting scenes. Even lost my shoe, and found it back again. And became for me a big part of the story of the city.
My own rituals…
I created my own rituals there. For me that was roaming between the ghats I just mentioned. Walking a little, stopping for chai, and walking some more.
One morning when it still was before sunrise I continued my roaming between the ghats, and at one moment I got the questions for the thousands of time; “Boat Sir?“
Until now, I always replied no while shaking my head. But this time he even proposed a descent price. Still a little bit more than the local price. But when you travel you need to have the “fuck it“ attitude and just see what happens… And so I did…
I got in the boat. The boatman came and go, and than came again… I thought it was time to finally to go but than another passenger came out of nothing.
The other passenger and I started talking and he turned out to be a professor from Pune, that is close to Mumbai. A super friendly man which gave some interesting insights about the country and city which I otherwise I would have missed or not have known.
We ended up having lunch together and a day later diner and even introduced me to a friend of his. And also drove on a motorcycle with three people at once.
Another thing he introduced me too was lemon tea in the Assi ghat. It is not like Chai or regular tea. But it is tea with salt… The first sip was a bit weird. But after the second one I was hooked! The lemon tea later became a part of my ritual and I even made a lemon tea budget in one of my many pockets haha.
And professor. If you happen to read this blog post. Thank you for everything and your great care. And I mean that form the bottom of my heart. Kind people like you is what makes traveling so special. :-)
The story continues…
The more I roamed around the more I got to know the city. Which is a good thing… You learn what makes the city sort of tick. You start to see the light. You learn what most import is to you and your photographs. And you even get to know the people that live there. The touts started to leave me alone. Compared my muscles with some of the guys who thought they were strong. Chai break here, Chai break there, Chai break everywhere!
Talking about strong…
My physique helps me in a lot of ways… I am not a body builder so I am not huge. I am a weightlifter which is a big difference! It does not make you look bulky. You just get big legs and you look like you can lift a house. But that is a different story haha.
And this time too. One of the mornings I arrived at one of the Kushti training centers. For people who don’t know what Kushti is. Kushti is an traditional form of Indian wrestling which goes back even way before 0 BC. Here is a link to the wikipedia page.
My main goal was to do some photography over there. And it was a important item on my shot list. But I started talking to one of the wrestlers. And as soon as I mentioned that I was a weightlifter I needed to join!
How can I refuse?
So I didn’t even hesitate and joined.
I got introduced to the head coach and, and as soon as the area was made ready to train, I joined the prayer, and was ready to go. The wrestler told me what to say during they prayer. Trained with some of there equipment. Did some grappling. And got a massage and a good cracking from the head coach. Did need to take a little break to still get my shots in haha.
The equipment they use reminds me of the Persian house of strength or Zurkhaneh. Especially the clubs and hammers.
They are such a wonderful people. As soon as the training was done I got invited to join the next day again.
The monkeys did it!
I always talk about my monkey mind. But these monkeys were not in my mind. There are in the streets and on the roof. Now isn’t that really such a strange thing. But somehow the monkeys over here have a little more of a jerk factor than everywhere else.
During the evenings I made some phone-calls back home and every-time there was a huge monkey sitting above the roof entrance playing with his balls and looking at my phone… That bastard wanted to have his own… But it is mine man!
Their assholeness is fuel for some funny conversations though. I will never forget the shop own who complained about that the monkeys broke his Wi-Fi. Or the little kids who where cursing at the monkeys because they their kite. And I asked them; Are the monkeys nice? And their reply was with their sweetest voice; No, monkeys not nice…
It is really refreshing though to see kids playing with kites and chasing monkeys and be happy with it.
My bridge. And a message to other photographers…
I am not talking about a physical bridge. But I am talking about a philosophical one… And one I want to make and connect to my previous stories and my message to photographers.
And maybe not even photographers but everyone in general…
It is all about making connections!
I am not kidding! One of the things that got me triggered were a couple of remarks that were something like; “Hey you are in India, it must be really so easy to get some good photographs!”
That actually rubbed the wrong way…
If you really think like that, why are you photographing?
The things that make photographs special and timeless, are the emotions and the stories you are capturing. If it wasn’t for the kids on the roof, the professor, the Kushti wrestlers, and later a buffalo herder which I talked for hours with on the waterfront of the Ganges. I wouldn’t have gotten my shots in. And besides that. You still need to think about composition and such!
This is what makes your photographs tell stories. You are dealing with real human beings, with a heart! And a soul! And emotions! Yes India is a photography friendly country… And very photogenic. But still…
Otherwise you are just doing graphical design with a camera.
So treat humans as humans… Not as subjects…
You are not in a zoo (And I don’t even like zoos)…
Talk to some people… It will make you richer in ways that you would have never have imagined….
And even when you are not a photographer. Traveling is still about connections. The laughter and joy. The stories you come back home with… Not the Instagram likes…
Rant over… Back to the fun stuff. Like getting sick for a day.
I wanted to train Kushti again but all out of nothing I felt sick. It came out of nowhere! I guess no one is safe for some sort of bug here. Especially with our fragile European bodies.
I needed some healthy stuff. And maybe some food that reminds me of home. So after some Google’ig I have found the brown bread bakery.
What a delight!
It is a nice place where they sell some European sandwiches, nice teas, and lots of smoothies!
When I was there eating my Gouda sandwich I met an amazing couple. Tobias and Isabelle. Isabelle is from the Netherlands too, and Tobias is from the UK if I am correct. And with my camera on the table it didn’t take long the conversation went towards photography. And especially analog.
It turns out that they were making a documentary film purely shot on analog film. That is so cool! They went to so many places already and now they were shooting in Varanasi.
Go check their Instagrams out! You can find Tobias here. And Isabelle here.
The flu like symptoms went away as quickly as it came. And I was going on my way again. We said goodbye. Exchanged Instagram’s. And for me it was back to photography.
Wrapping it up! For now…
I still have so many stories to tell… But maybe I will tell them later.
It is about time I will round this blog post up…
India is an amazing country. Despite the chaos, honking, slipping on cow poo, the monkeys, and the famous Delly Belly… Yes, I was also a victim haha.
The food. The nice people. The culture. Everything!
In the future I will return to see the rest of the country. There is no question about that…
For now. There is a little bit less than two months left in 2018. And if you have come this far in reading this blog post. First of all… Thank you for that.
Also…
Maybe some of you can help me with some future destinations! I opened up the comments of this post because of that.
The reason I ask is because I have to my own surprise some extra time to travel in December. And the destinations is not set yet…
So which part of this beautiful earth would you like to see me document?
Until next time…
- Cristian
Make A Wish...
Hey everyone,
Two weeks a go I was privileged to be part of such an beautiful day with a lot of beautiful people.
It was the day the wish was granted for a lovely little woman named Emma by the Make-A-Wish foundation.
The Make-A-Wish foundation is a organization that makes a hearts wish come true of children from the ages of three to eighteen. All the information about the organization you can find here. And if you can support the organization in one way or the other please do. They need all the help they can get. They have such a beautiful mission.
Her wish was they she could have a froze themed day, and learn how to photograph from a real photographer and have a photo shoot at the same time together with her sister. She and her sister and parents got picked up in the morning by u giant pink limousine.
After that, it was off to get dressed in some beautiful dresses and having a nice big piece of pie. After the pie make-up and hair was done. After that it was on their way to Castle Warmelo.
At that moment I joined the day.
Horses were ridden. We walked through the Castle gardens. Cameras were explained. And a lot of smiles were seen. Which made me very happy.
Normally my stories are longer. But a photograph always says more than a thousand words. So I have chosen five of my favorite photographs of the day which you can see below.
Thank you so much I could be part of the special day and share the day with your wonderful family. And of course thank you that I could write and share a little story about it.
Introducing Andante - Portrait series of the soul. No 1.
Monday night... 23:03... 2018...
I should be sleeping but I put up a record of one of mine favorite classical pieces.
Symphonie Espagnole, Op. 21 IV. Andante...
I never knew I like classical music until I picked up a box of LP records from my uncle's place, which I inherited from my dad. Thanks dad...
Years later everything falls into place. Classical music... Photography... And a Russian photographer named Alexey Titarenko.
When I discovered his work I was blown away. I was exactly how I look at the world! He describes his work in one of his interviews as a cello playing... Long... And slow... The state of despair of cold war Russia put in an image only he could make. A real "City of Shadows..."
Later it was the name of one of his books. The other one is "The city is a novel..."
Inspired by him, and my own views of the world, I created a concept in my mind. And for two years it was brewing... Forming... Shaping... And waiting for the right moment.
An visual representation of my own cello in my monkey mind. Only my monkey plays more of a violin. But still slow!
Slow... Seeing people like a sea of souls in a world full of contradictions... Sadness and joy... Beauty and pain... Truth and lies... The ultimate form in shapes of what people really want but actually do...
It is like writing my own novel...
Only with the camera.
Or is it more an autobiography?
I truly believe that something magical happens when you press the shutter button. The visual representation you see might be a composition. But for me it feels like opening up my own soul, bare naked, to express how I see this giant magic ball floating in space we live on but can't put it into words...
Luckily I shoot work full of joy too. But both sides are a part of life. The sad needs to be there to enjoy the beautiful even more. Balance... And my close friends know that I always say...
As above, so below...
Art is a good way to vent. And something can be beautiful, and sad, and full of joy at the same time. A dramatic depiction of life! And do we need more drama? Maybe... It creates a lot. From connections, to romance, and even substance and depth. Maybe it is even a message of the things we tend to forget. And maybe not even forgotten but put aside because of the rat race we are stuck in... No matter which mask you are wearing or character playing...
I guess I am sidetracking now... Back on topic!
I should be a story teller...
None of my street, travel, or documentary work is staged. Everything is real. And I take my pride in that. That means also this portrait series. The only thing I added to the composition is the model... Which I was looking for a long time...
Finally the right moment came when I was contacted by Roos Tulen. She is the resident artist of the city of Leiden. She decided to start her own project. And that project became herself. She signed up for a fitness competition where you had to stand in a bikini on a big stage. And that meant a completely different lifestyle than then weightlifting she was used to.
That also meant a lot of physical changes. And because of that she asked twenty photographers to capture her journey... And every photographer would capture her in his or her unique way. In the end it will become an art project by itself presented in the city of Leiden.
All the details of that I will tell in a later story. So stay tuned!
This is where I played my part. Finally I could make the concept what I had in mind for a long time reality.
Within time this concept will become a series. When I find the right soul that needs to be captured. Some of them will be made here in the Netherlands. Others during one of my travels...
Let's see...
Andante - Portrait series of the soul. No 1.
Did Instagram kill photography?
I woke up this morning...
Thank god...
Because I like waking up!
The smell of incense was still hanging around from last nights meditation... Sun was a shining a bit on my face because I left the curtains a bit open... And my mind went to photography again...
Because I like photography...
Cup of coffee was made... Went back to bed... And turned on my iPad...
Grateful...
In comparison to most parts of the world where I travel to, people don't have the luxury waking up like this...
I started watching "The many lives of William Klein." and Daido Moriyama's "Near Equal.". If you aren't familiar with those photographers go look them up! And make that your main task today...
I let my mind wander... Thinking... Always thinking...
Because I like thinking...
And my monkey mind is always jumping from one place to the other. In this case to a quote from another legend, Elliot Erwitt. "Digital Manipulation kills photography".
Altough I don't completely agree. Because photographs have always been manipulated! Either in the darkroom or in the digital darkroom that is stationed on your computer.
He does have a point!
My monkey mind was going insane again. But it ain't all that bad...
Because I like my monkey mind...
How does Instagram fit into all of this? And what is Instagram actually? And what if William Klein was born when Instagram existed? or Daido Moriyama?
Valid questions... But more so. It gave me also the opportunity to think about the way how the general public uses Instagram. Or any other piece of social media. Or hell! Even how we treat everyday life.
As where I stand now the platform itself is a blessing and a curse at the same time.
Let me elaborate on that.
The positives are quite big actually. It gives any person in the world the opportunity to get their message out there. Either it is music, art, views, or whatever. It can help you build a audience that you otherwise would not have. The whole world at your fingertips! As long as you have a internet connection and a phone or a computer.
Awesome right?
The downside is... Well... us... The people...
Wait wut? What do you mean Cristian!?!?
Well like a lot of things in life it has become more of a popularity contest. We as a species at this moment, and yes I am realizing I am generalizing heavily now, seem to have to attention span of a goldfish! Actually I believe that science already proved that it is even less now...
We choose to get triggered by stuff that is catchy. We see it in our politics, how we communicate with each other, or we rather take a pill to lose weight than change our diet. And even rather send a text than have a telephone conversation because it is scary...
Same goes for art and Instagram.
For me a great photograph is something that you have to analyze... You can lose yourself into... Let yourself escape from reality... Or experience reality more vivid... It is really one big visual story one way or the other. Either it is the traveling tales of Steve McCurry or being in some sort of photographic version of the horror movie the ring and a playboy magazine with Daido's work.
And how does that translate to a medium like Instagram?
Well no worries I will come to that. Life is one big story! And...
Because I like telling stories...
Well, look closely how you scroll through your feed? Maybe another assignment for today?
I goes something like this....
Scroll scroll scroll, Like , Scroll, Like, Comment, Scroll scroll...
And all of that in a couple of seconds...
Did you actually see some of the photographs?
Or did you just got triggered by something catchy?
Would you have the same behavior if you go through a Steve McCurry book?
I think it is a good question to ask yourself. Especially if you consider yourself a photographer, a artist, or just a art lover in general.
That does not mean there isn't a time and a place for the platform. I discovered some amazing photographers who made the platform their own. But it creates some sort of unexplainable distance between one type of photographer and the other. You even got a term "Instagram photographer". Like that a person that uses the platform apparently in a efficient form isn't a real photographer?
I don't know...
I think photographers that both are on the platform and are not on the platform or maybe less successful on it, are photographers. So hmmmm it can be part of my conclusion...
All I know is I don't like trends... And most of my photographic heroes where from a time that it did not exist. I don't like cropping. Don't like shitty small screens but I do like to print my photographs big. And I don't like it when we fall in the trap of instant gratification. Either it is enjoying art or interacting with humans...
Because I like art and I like humans...
And do we have to copy all the big accounts all the time?
On the other hand I also do realize that times always change. And you either adapt or you die out. And change is good. Altough not always... But sometimes.
And a picture is a picture. It does not matter what tool you use. So should that also count for the medium we use how to show it to the world?
But what I do believe is that whatever medium we use. We do need to stop, and appreciate the art for what it is. Give ourselves the time to enjoy it. Stop a bit longer at the photograph you like and stop scrolling, or walking, or turning the pages...
Enjoy it for what it is.... A story...
Food for thought...
Speaking about food... I am going to have a bite....
Because I like food...
Have a nice weekend you all...
- Cristian
Five things I learned about (Photography) going to Jerusalem the second time...
Hey all!
I am currently really busy with the processing of all of my material of my latest trip to Israel and the Palestinian territories. But that is a long process and when it is all done I want to write a big article about it. And find a proper way to present it to the world.
Until that time arrives I will write short blog posts like this to keep the information and sort of involve you all in a bit of my process.
So this piece part one of a two part piece with five things I have learned during or after my latest trip to Jerusalem and the Palestinian territories.
First one is about photography. The second one is about life.
So let's start!
Part one: Photography...
Like I said. Currently I am in the process of working through all of the material I made and that is just something that takes time... A lot of time!
In short. I took around 1100 photographs and I am editing them at the moment. Part of that process is also voicing visually the intent of the photograph. And ultimately after all the editing is done the post processing start.
Of the approximately 1100 photographs there are only a few that will make the cut and want to share with the world.
During that process which is not even done. I ran into a lot of issues. Not everyone shares that stuff. But I am a big believer in that running into problems or even failing is a big part of getting better. It's a rule you can apply to everything in life...
Same goes for photography!
And the whole trick after the whole failing or running into issues thingie. Is that you just don't give up! Get back on the horse and just go go go!
Learn from it. Feed from it... Grow from it!
Btw I am not only summing up stuff that went bad. It's also good to reflect on stuff that went well, or even good! Because also that is a good thing to know.
Alright here it goes. Five things I learned!
- Don't buy new gear!
A couple of weeks before I left for my trip I switched from Olympus to Fujifilm. I sold all of my lenses and my beautiful Olympus PEN-F body... And I did not even hate my gear. There was nothing wrong with it, and I am a firm believer in that you can't buy a bad camera anymore.
It was more that I was chasing some sort of look or vibe that the Fujifilm sensors have. And I just felt it was time for a change. And if you never try something new you will never know you will like it or not!
The whole difference between my Olympus PEN-F and Fujfilm X-E3 is a whole other subject to dive into. Because the end conclusion is I love them both. The point I am trying to make here for the DO NOT BUY NEW GEAR issue is the learning curve!
My ego let me believe I worked enough hours with the Fujifilm to understand the device completely and I would not make any mistakes with it.
Well I was wrong...
For example the aperture I shot on my Olympus to get everything sharp was around f5.6 or lower. On my Fujifilm it was way lower. And I realized I had to take my photographs around f8! That resulted in some shots I had a shallow depth of field when I did not want it. Especially when I missed focus.
That brings me to another point. I missed focus! A lot!
I was like: How the hell is this happening! Back home I did not have this problem!
There is a difference between photographing back home and while traveling. And that too will be material for another blog post. But in this case, the conditions were different. The people were different even though I was there before. The gear of course was different. My mindset was different. All the narrow alleyways and using certain techniques to get a shot and doing stuff on instinct. All of that together gave me some out of focus results.
I analyzed it all. And one of the things was the the single point focus on my Olympus somehow let me get away with errors. While the single point focus on my Fujifilm was unforgiving. If you miss it, you miss it!
I switched to zone focusing instead and that worked better for me in those conditions. End result. More material I am satisfied with. And no customer or viewer of your art will care if you used a single point focus method or a zone focus method. It is all getting the shot and the story you are telling.
- Do your research.
Like I said, it is not all about the bad things. You also need to reflect on all the stuff that went well!
For me it was arranging my guide or fixer or whatever you want to call it. Making a plan on what you are going to do everyday and also leave some room for spontaneity. Having a back-up plan if something falls short. All of that so you can get the most out of your time.
I planned everything well. And I also was very lucky that nothing went wrong. I think on that part I had the smoothest trip ever. Planning helped.
- Update your software.
This one is actually not about the time during my trip. But more about the process when you return and start to review your work do your post processing.
I looked at my shots and I was getting angrier and angrier by the day. My photos looked like crap. And I did nothing wrong! Why? Why was this?
I was getting into fights with my raw files. And got a bad case of worming. Man o man I was getting frustrated... My photos looked like a watercolor painting!
A fellow photographer said to me: Cris, did you update lightroom?
Fujifilm raw files had got some issues with lightroom in the past. And after a lot of Google searches I read that there were a lot of people that used alternative raw processors and bypassed lightroom or not used it at all! The switched to alternatives like for example capture one.
Small side-note. I used to have the last standalone version of the original lightroom. Because I refused to be part of the subscription model that Adobe started.
I actually like lightroom a lot. So I followed his advice. Put my ego aside. And updated purchased the monthly version of lightroom. And as soon as I openend my photographs again they looked a lot better.
I combined that with a different way of sharpening and voila! Instant happy Cris!
Btw. The whole sharpening thing with Fujifilm raw files... Only use the sharpening slider a little. Use the detail slider more and pull back the radius.
- Shoot a lot of shit.
Maybe it is a bit redundant to say. But I hope I don't have to tell any photographer that it is to take a shot extra than you have not taken the shot at all...
That especially is true with memory cards. Fill those puppies up and shoot everything that peaks your interest.
And no. That does not automatically nullifies my post about "f##k instant gratification". Those are two completely different things. And if you have a goal in mind... Do whatever it takes. There is no award for getting the decisive moment in the least amount of photos...
- Take your time!
I saved this one for last...
Because for me this is the most important one.
Why?
Because I did not do it...
I wanted to get the ultimate photograph so much. I soared and roared across the area like a idiot. My drive that I am so proud of got the best of me.
The end result was that I did not take the time take in the moment as I normally do. And that sucks. It is not that I have bad photographs now... But in retrospect there were moments where I should have taken my time more the choose another angle. Or kneel down to take the shot. Get closer. Wait longer. Getting the details more right.
What if is miss something?
That mindset held me back to look at some little details. When you see a scenario and you don't need to react in a split second. Just take your time... Relax... Take two photos extra. Inhale... Get low or high. Analyse... Wait for the light. It will all come together if you just let the moment be...
It is hard to explain I guess... But there goes a lot detail in taking a good or even a great photograph. And a lot has to go with a certain flow and peace of mind. You feel it when you do it. And once you made one. It is a feeling that you will forever chase again...
Alright! This is it!
My five lessons about photography. I hope you enjoyed them!
Stand by for Part two: Life...
Catching that decisive moment...
F##k instant gratification.
Hey you all!
Some of you might know who follow me on Instagram. I bought a late sixties Olympus Trip 35 for 20,- euros two weeks ago. I did a live video about it and later a instagram vlog when I got the results. I think it is a beautiful camera!
I read some reviews about it online and watched some YouTube clips, and I thought! Why not!
I always wanted to try analog photography for a long time anyway. And as some of you also might know that I really really really like physical things. I just think stuff loses their soul in the digital world...
Anyways! Bought the camera from a guy that lives in my hometown. Thanks Matt Que! It rocks! Bought some rolls of Tri-X 400 and I was good to go! Later when I get the hang of it I can always buy a more fancy analog camera.
The Olympus Trip 35 is a point and shoot style camera rangefinder style. You only got two shutter speed, you can adjust the aperture if you want to. A dial to enter your ASA number and that is it! But I think for the best result in this case is just leave it on auto. In that case you just have to just the distance to your subject. For that purpose there are meters on the bottom and little people figures on the top.
I went out and got shooting. Essentially there is nothing different than normal photography... You see a composition or a situation, aim, and snap the photograph...
What is different, and that makes it very exciting, and that is you have no fucking clue what you are doing. Of course you know technically what you are doing. But you don't have a display that will tell you if you got the shot!
The other thing is you only got 36 shots. So you can't just snap away! You really have to think about the situation if it is worth it. Do I want to spend one of my frames on this situation or composition?
All of that makes you think...
I makes you value more what you are doing... It gives it worth...
In the throwaway society thing that we live in it is a rare occasion...
And all of that just because you really have to work for it!
And that isn't the fun part! The fun part that gives it even more value is taking it to the photo-lab to get it developed! Like normal printing you have to think about stuff like; what kind of paper do I want? How big needs the print to be? Do I want borders? And after all of that you still don't know what your photographs look like!
And than you wait... And wait... And wait some more...
The black and whites had to be send out so it took a bit longer and after 4 days I got them back Developed and print! Ready to be drooled on be me!
I opened the envelop and there they were... Beautiful! I was so happy!
Not every shot was in focus but I didn't care... They were amazing!
I browser through them already a lot of times. And I will continue to do so haha. It is reall, it is physical, and I can hold it. It is magic! That feeling that can't be explained. And it made me happy as a little kid gain.
I will post some of the photographs below. Not everything. Because I want safe some for later... So there are some of my first roll. But I think how it looks digitally does not do it justice. I scanned them with a very convenient app named PhotoMyme. If you want to digitize you analog shot that seems like a easy way to go. You can just use your smartphone for that. And if you want to do it more fancy you can use a real scanner or even scan the negatives. Probably more on that later.
So in the end I can only conclude is shoot some film yourself! Fuck instant gratification and just go out and go analog. It is really fun, I can promise you that!
